Husband won't accept 'charity'

If you apply in your own name, I can't see how your husband would know about it. It isn't a benefit that's given lightly or easily and you have to meet certain criteria to be granted any allowance at all. So if it is granted, that means you need it. Apply straight away.

Just say to him that as you can't manage the garden anymore you will have to sell and move to a home with a much smaller manageable garden. He will either agree yo that or accept help with any luck. Do you have children/grandchildren who could help?

Lots of sensible advice here. As DH’s carer I have much less time and energy than in the past and use his allowance to pay for help in the garden and anything else we can no longer do. Looking forward to the distant day when I may be able to pay someone else to be here occasionally so that I can go out. Not in the immediate future, I fear!

ExD - you don't need to convince your husband of anything. You're in your fourth decade of life and in chronic pain. Are you seriously going to allow your husband to prevent you from getting what you are entitled to in your own right as a human being? Not only is he misguided about people who get AA, but he is also confused about the extent to which he thinks he can impose his values upon you, to your detriment. Apply for AA yourself. And if you have a circle of friends, make it public, let them know in front of him why you need this type of assistance. Your 80+ husband is gaslighting you. I wonder if he has been doing this throughout your life and you're afraid.

It’s not attendance Allowance any more but Personal Independence Payment , PIP. This payment is given so that you can pay for help with personal care. You may need help with washing and dressing , or help with making and eating your meals etc. After submitting your application you will be asked to go for an appointment with a HCP or because your mobility is poor they may visit you at home . As suggested by a previous poster you would be best to get help with form filling as many people are turned down due to insufficient information.
If you are accepted for PIP you can spend the money in what ever way it benefits you. Maybe a cleaner to do your heavier housework or a gardener to save your damaged back from further damage . Good luck x

I would apply from what you have written it is obvious that it would be a genuine claim. Tell your husband that is what the benefit is for it is there to help those that need it. I worked at The Benefits Agency and if I had received your call I would have told you to claim.
In these special times the Government is trying to help with various grants which are being claimed fraudently but this is an old benefit and medical checks are made.
It would make your life a lot easier and but your mind at rest we have enough to worry about at the moment. I would say claim you have nothing to loose and everythiing to gain, besides it is you that will make the claim.

I witnessed how much harder life was for my parents because they stubbornly refused help when Dad was in the early stages of dementia.
My feelings are now that it is not worth struggling on, make the most of anything that is available to you to make life easier.

I had the same problem persuading my mum to claim AA I think m it’s a prude thing . Explain to him that it’s not sponging or charity it’s what you’ve both paid your taxes for all these year you’ve worked . It can be used to assist paying for the extra things you may require as you get older To make life easier such as a gardener, cleaner or taxis to take you shopping. You can use it as you please there’s no rules . I know you probably don’t want to be underhanded but if you can’t persuade him then just apply why struggle because of his stubbornness and pride !

I had great difficulty to get the lower rate of Attendance Allowance. Was refused the first time even though I had osteoarthritis in both knees. Managed to get the lower rate when I couldn’t walk without support and in great pain and this was witnessed by the doctor and friends. Don’t mention that you need help with garden but day to day living.

This is so very common with the elderly generation who are usually proud and self supporting. I see again and again how even carers who are near burnout refuse to have help at home. You need to be strong and take action without him dictating to you what you can or can't do. Apply for the AA to which you are entitled. It is not means tested and you do not always get someone coming to the house but can do it all on line if you are happy with that. It is often advisable to get somebody like Age UK or the Citizens advice Bureau to help as the wording on these papers is everything. Having said that I did my husbands, but that was when it was only a few questions back in 2006. Good luck.

Isnt what cabbie21 talking about PIP?(personal indepandant payment) which is a different payment to AA.

*independant

From what you have written it is obvious that your claim would be genuine. I worked at the Benefits Agency and if I had received your telephone call I would be telling you to claim. The benefit is there to help those that need it.
Yes people are claiming the new government grants fraudently, but fraud has always been there.
AA is an old benefit and medical checks should be made.
My Mum once told me when I was small you have to ask they can only say YES or No so I will say complete the application, and don't delay as often claims are not backdated.
In times like these we need all the help that we can get, me included, we have enough to worry about
You will be the one that is claiming so go for it make your life a lot easier.

I applied for attendance allowance to enable me to care for hubby as he has dementia, gononto gov.uk you can apply there, but I also recommend when you get the forms through phone or email age UK for help in filling in the forms as they need to be filled in the right way, a very nice lady called sue came to our house to do it and she sends off the forms too

I’m sorry your husband isn’t being supportive.
He’s not the Boss of you.
You don’t need his permission to apply.

Just get on with it and don’t bother discussing it with him if he’s going to be so obstreperous.

I would just do it anyway. I remember with my mother, the paperwork was formidable and she was against it but I/we did it -and she certainly liked having the money. I’m sure he will too when it comes...and I’m sure you deserve it.

Have you thought of sharing your garden? A lot of people would love to have a garden/allotment and can’t get one, and others like you have a large garden which they find difficult to manage so some areas have special sharing arrangements putting suitable people in contact with each other. You don’t have to give over your whole garden.

Take it you have checked out the criteria to qualify for AA ie care needs daytime and night. Whilst there is no mandatory way in which you spend the Allowance if awarded, care needs do have to be assessed. As you say DH won't help you with anything at all, does this mean you currently have carers? If so, then you should definitely apply for the allowance. Just apply don't tell DH, and then organise someone to deal with garden, all to keep your sanity which hopefully will help with your physical health too.

It is something that he (and you) have paid into with your national insurance over the years. My parents had attendance allowance and it made a huge difference. They came out to assess my Dad and realised my Mum could claim it too. Doing the garden was one thing they used it for as well.
Don't let him think he will be one of the ones that claim it fraudently that you read about in the papers and on tv. That is what worried my Mum. It is assessed on need and not on your financial situation. Once you both feel better then you can stop your claim.
Once my Dad died and my Mum moved to a flat she cancelled her attendance allowance and they were so surprised but she thought the police would come and arrest her! Love her!

4allweknow - you do not need help day and night to qualify - you just get a higher rate if nights are a problem too.

This is why OP needs proper advice from those who really know about it!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I can understand that in your 80s you are of a generation where deferring to your husband was what wives did. But you don't need to; a claim for AA would be yours and yours alone, so like everyone else has suggested, get some help and apply.
And if you dont already have a bank account of your own for it to go into...then time for one if those too!!

PIP is for people under state pension age. AA is for people over state pension age. Both these allowances are for disabled people who require help with personal care, washing, feeding, cooking, using the lavatory, moving around indoors and outdoors, communicating with others, participating in social activities, taking medication, being reminded of things they need to do and so on. You do not actually need to be receiving this care to qualify. In filling in the form you need to concentrate on the activities involved, say you cannot do them and why. For example saying you have painful vertebrae and take morphine will not be useful. You would need to say because of pain you are unable to lift weights stand for long, stretch and so on and therefore you cannot carry out these necessary daily activities without help. You need to be able to carry out the activities reliably, repeatedly and safely. This is why it is a good idea to get assistance from someone who understands the forms. The wrong words can easily disqualify you. It sounds as if your husband might qualify for AA as well. Once you get the allowance, you can spend it as you see fit. So you could pay for a gardener. But saying you want it because you can’t garden would certainly not qualify. Ditto with shopping and cleaning. But it is an anomaly because that is often what people do need help with. Probably a lot of AA payments are spent on these things in practice. As for your husband not doing these things, expecting you to do them and not accepting you can’t -there go a lot of men. Can you assert yourself quietly but firmly and just do it? As people say, you don’t need his agreement for your own application.

PIP is paid to people who are below pensionable age when applying for this benefit. Anyone who has reached pensionable age will get attendance allowance.
As others have said, it’s advisable to get help filling in forms. I had one home visit but was asked to attend the next. Saw the same lady and she asked why I hadn’t asked for a home visit? I told her there wasn’t anywhere on the form to tell me I could!

As for people fraudulently claiming sickness benefits, there will always be some fraud. But the amount of money spent policing fraud is greater than the money lost. Also many people with genuine needs are deterred from claiming or scared of losing a benefit they rely on or humiliated by being turned down and feel they are being thought of as criminals or liars. This is why universal benefits like the old age pension are cheap to administer and better value for money. But the OAP is much lower in the UK than in comparable countries. Immensely greater sums of money are lost through tax fraud than are lost through fraudulent claims for benefit.