Manners going out of the window?

is it our job to set an example,are they your children?We can set examples, but they hopefully have to be ones that address, love,respect,compassion to self and hopefully to others, keeping elbows off tables etc,im lost on that one,sounds like some strict boarding school.

I'm another who wonders why some get hung up about elbows on the table for heaven's sake. Whenever we went to America my husband was always pointing out that caps shouldn't be worn in say a restaurant, where many men do just that over there, I had to respond with "what does it matter as long as they are polite to whoever is serving them", personally I couldn't care less about perceived protocol it suggests a hangover from a bygone era. Manners to me are all about having consideration for other people, insomuch as making sure behaviour doesn't have an adverse effect on those around you plus some niceties such as opening doors for those not able to manage very well and responding with a thank you when it's done for you.

Sometimes our grandchildren have to be reminded to say please and thank you because understandably children do forget at times. I think that one's an important message for life though.

To me, manners are primarily about respecting others but I know some of the things that are mentioned above have an impact on how others see us for good or ill.

I'd hate to think that someone valuable and deserving was overlooked or belittled because of one of these trivial things - so it's worth people at least being aware of them and the possible connotations.

When in my house they learn my rules, which they had no objection to (they're 20 year old adults now.. ~But fortunately my daughter had already taught them the vital things.

One set of grandchildren are set a good example to say please and thank you but the other set are left to work it out. When they all eat together the well mannered children correct the others and fill in the parental role. It’s quite fun to observe

I hate caps/hats on in the house.
Maybe I'm just old fashioned but to me they are only for outdoors.
Like coats really.

If I had no heating and it was freezing cold I expect I wouldn't care!

Mbuya, certainly not, it's up to their parents and not my role. We have relaxed fun and games here - not training sessions!

There is nothing wrong with elbows on the table btw.

Elbows on tables? Wearing a cap in the house? What have these to do with manners?

Manners is when my 9-year old GS saw I was struggling and helped carry my shopping for me (pre-Covid). Manners is when my family treat me with respect and kindness by listening to my opinions or worries.

Manners is having consideration for others.

Reminded me of a lovely, lovely friend of DS2. He had the manners of a pig - I couldn't bear to have to to dinner...
Another of his friends would always wear his cap indoors. Eventually I asked DS to tell him it offended me to see him wearing it at table. to his credit [or my cooking] he complied after that.
I thinks having good manners is a compliment to other people - like not shouting in your phone on a train, saying thank you if a door is opened for you, etc.

I didn't know that wearing a cap in the house was bad manners. Nothing wrong with a grandparent having ways things are done in their own home, in general. Please and thank you is just basic manners. A gentle reminder is easy. I would be grateful for the support in reinforcing this with children. The cap thing though, I can just see my kids complaining about how silly they think that is. I'd just tell them that I don't see the big deal but obviously it matters to gran so just take their cap off in her house. Manners are important.

The two GC who live locally are now 15 and 12, so not little. If they ‘forget’ their P’s and Q’s occasionally when at my house, (though not lately of course) they are reminded with ‘a look’.

One thing they both always do is ask to leave the table, which I do like to hear.

They are not perfect, but could be much, much worse.