Ding Dong Bell

I think good jokes are always worthy of repetition
threexnanny Fully agree! I don't know your "taste" in jokes of course, but cleverly constructed, subtle are my favourites!
Rude (but not crude) can be clever!
I scurried off to U-Tube to track down that Ken Dodd thing you mentioned, but on the way came across "An Audience with Alf Garnett" doing a solo act on stage for over an hour!
You'll probably disown me in disgust, but I haven't had such a good laugh for ages!
If the TV moguls toyed with idea of interfering with "Fawlty Towers", they should be forced to watch Alf! Talk about laugh!
Good Health.

I think good jokes are always worthy of repetition. I went to a Ken Dodd show when he was already in his 80's and about 75% of his jokes I'd heard before, but we all had a good laugh - especially the one about his famous run-in with the Inland Revenue.

Hi! Clearing out some Win 7 files and found this again. You've seen it before, but if not, it might bring out a smile.
IF YOU ARE UNHAPPY
Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow that decided not to fly south for the winter.
However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south. In a short time, ice began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in a farmyard, almost frozen. A cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was the end, but the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings. Warm and happy, able to breathe, he started to sing. Just then a large cat came by, and hearing the chirping, investigated the sounds.
The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird, and promptly ate him!

The moral of the story:
1. Everyone who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy.
2. Everyone who gets you out of the shit is not necessarily your friend.
3. And, if you're warm and happy in a pile of shit, keep your mouth shut!

Always By My Side
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.
When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"
"What dear?" She asked gently.

"I think you bring me bad luck."

Keep the jokes coming Rufus. They do make me laugh and we need a good laugh these days.
Sorry about Groanavirus!

Thanks for the laughs Rufus but i think you may be spreading the groanavirus
You could be right AGAAL ! Very deadly too, by looking at the results; killing off the thread, but do not despair. I'm urgently developing an antivenin which may or may not revive casualties.
I think it's called the homeopathic approach!
Good Health!

Thanks for the laughs Rufus but i think you may be spreading the groanavirus!

Sorry to further intrude into your joke thread
Riverwalk Not at all! You're welcome and you'd be even more welcome if you brought a joke with you!
As I've said before I didn't set out to run a commentary on GN, simply to use some of her jokes, of which there are plenty as you know, for my other project.
I've got the messages that she may not have been a Mother Theresa, I just don't know and I certainly didn't have any thought of hosting a debate on her morals.
I still believe and fervently wish that any commentary on GN other than her jokes is best dealt with elsewhere!
Good Health

Sorry to further intrude into your joke thread Rufus but regarding Greatnan.

Isn't it funny how we all see/picture/imagine/form an opinion on particular posters.

I remember GN as being feisty, left-wing, opinionated and had an impoverished childhood in Salford.

Also, I think she spent more of her career as a teacher of SEN children in a tough part of Liverpool than she did as a tax inspector.

She was a prolific poster so we got to know a lot about her, including the fact that she was estranged from one of her daughters who had an addiction problem, but was close to the other and her many GC and GCC. Also, post-divorce she had a rather glamorous life in Monaco!

I don't remember the incident regarding gilly but it seems that others do - I have to say that I'm surprised as GN never struck me as an unkind person.

Here's one and not a GreatNan gem! Source is/was Jim, an Irishman, sadly no longer with us, who was an ideal match to GreatNan, with an enormous fund of jokes, better for being spoken in the Oirish! It's been on before, but who cares!?
"Jane and Mary met in their local Supermarket;
Jane; "Hello Mary, long time no see! How are you?
Mary; Not too bad thank you! I see your trolley is half full of dog meat cans. Have you had a dog for long?
Jane: We haven't! These or for my husband! He loves the stuff. One day I make him a meat pie, then next a casserole, then Cottage pie. He doesn't know, but he loves it.
Mary; Well, fancy that!
And so they departed, to meet again some time later.
After greetings were over, Mary said " I see you have no dog meat this time!?
No, said Jane; my husband died!
I'm sorry said Mary; what happened?
He was in the High Street one day and as he was crossing the road, he suddenly sat down in the middle of the road to lick his ar*e and got run over by a bus!

I'm a bit nonplussed! As I've already explained, I set off on a mission following a request from our local Council for interesting, stories, recipes, jokes, etc for its forthcoming edition of a Newsletter aimed at keeping our spirits (not that kind )up during lockdown.
GreatNan's archives seemed to be a good place to look for material, but now the thread is threatening to become a commentary on GreatNan herself as much as her jokes.
I never knew her "on-line" let alone as a person, so I have no opinion in that regard, but wouldn't it be better if detractors set up another thread and only contribute jokes, any, here! That would enable me to print off without having to censor the other stuff.
Thank you,
Good Health!

You did have to watch your back with GreatNan

That explains a lot Gilly.

She was a retired tax inspector Nfk she liked to remind us often . I was honestly frightened that I had landed my DDiL in trouble when I innocently posted that she could no longer afford to keep her old horse but the solution was that a kindly stable owner allowed her to work in return for free stabling.

Her jokes could be funny . But the real life person, sadly not so much.

Rufus, sorry to hear about the BPPV yet again, you have my sympathy, are they going to do the Epley manoeuvre on you? I just noticed on another thread that you have been checked out so at least you know that it isn’t another problem. As you say it can happen at any time, and it doesn’t get any easier to deal with, I rarely drive out of our area in case I have an ‘attack’ and can’t get back home, it’s a blasted nuisance and so debilitating.
Anyway, chin up buttercup !

Thank you Rufus. I did like GreatNan’s jokes although I seem to remember she could be a bit feisty at times. I think I do remember the incident about the riding Gilly. I’d not joined GN and can remember wondering how on earth she could do it - or why she would want to.

furret a genuine apology should always bee accepted. Whatever is happening in your life I hope you feel better soon

I’m not up to laughing today or yesterday Rufus but it would have helped if you had acknowledged my apology.

When someone makes a mistake and realised that a post sounded worse than intended all they can do is say sorry.

Sorry Rufus but why are you reposting GreatNan’s jokes? Seems a bit.....odd
Furret I should be in bed again, but felt the need to straighten things out!
Our local Council is doing an excellent job of maintaining morale with a pop. of about 200,000. especially for the elderly. They've asked for contributions for another newsletter including stories, recipes, jokes etc
So I thought I'd plagiarise GreatNan's. .plagiarised jokes and whilst compiling some I thought the Ding Dong could go down well, (amongst others) and worth repeating here..
So in the spirit of Eric and Ernie
" Bring me Sunshine in Your Smile
Bring me Laughter All the While"

Purely altruistic, that's why!
OoRoo

That’s kind of you Jane

I did apologise before Rufus fired both barrels.

Sorry Furret. Didn't mean to make you feel worse, I just felt sorry for Rufus2 who was trying to cheer us all up.
I hope your day improves.

and is fairly old ,however
Oopsadaisy Dear oh dear! That is old and comes from an udder time! Any contributions gratefully received!
Btw. You may possibly read in another thread that I've just had another bout of BPPV. Fortunately it's cleared up for now. Same as before; thought you'd like to know!
Cheers

Thanks squiffy

It is an old joke, but in the version I heard, it was the fire engine going past!

Rufus keep 'em coming, we haven't all heard them before!