Did your parents ever say they were proud of you

Like many of my age, I was brought up by parents who must have thought any form of praise/acknowledgement would make me big-headed; add to that a covert narcissist mother and a dad who told me I would never be any good at anything but passing exams and it explains why I have had low self-esteem all my life and now struggle with being expected to care for my mother. We made sure we didn't make the same mistakes with our children. It is so sad that we feel this way, as no doubt our parents did the best they could at the time.

Missfoodlove Same for me but my sister was the golden child.
My mother would occasionally say something sort of positive but also in a voice that suggested that she wanted to end with 'despite what everyone else thinks'. She does much more now. I had an email from her carer yesterday with some photos and she said that she wanted to set up a zoom chat when she could visit mum again. Given that Mum is now 94, I hope that it is not too long. They seem to be handling it better in Canada.
She also said 'your mother is very proud of you and says that you look like Goldie Hawn' which was nice if a bit random. We both have blonde hair but the similarity definitely ends there.

No. Our home would be classed as mentally abusive nowadays as dad didn't like any of the family he created, but everyone outside the family thought he was wonderful. Our friends often said they wished he was their dad. So did we! Mum did her best to protect us, but she was a nervous wreck because of living on eggshells since she married him. She would have left him but he said he'd make sure he had custody of us if she did. In those days it would probably have happened that way too. He eventually had an affair with her sister and she left him, but we were all grown up by then. I think I need a therapist because after writing this I've got such a headache. Still lots of emotions to let out. Thank you for letting me vent here.

Never ever quite the opposite. Whatever I achieved my mother had done better. We look alike and whenever anyone said so she always replied yes but I'm attractive! I landed a job in a bank in the next town and if she went there she would say I looked in your shop but didn't see you she couldn't say bank had to belittle it.

My parents never said they were proud, never said I love you, and my mother stiffens up like a board if I hug her. My father and I adored each other but not in words , but my mother cut me down every opportunity with words lest I become big headed. I recently concluded my family were pretty dysfunctional !
I love hearing about people who had secure happy families and felt loved and cared for. It’s heart warming.

I had a happy childhood but the only thing that I can remember being praised for was being a good mother... and I don’t ever remember being told that I was loved. I still feel that whatever I did/do doesn’t quite match expectation. I make sure that I praise my (grown up) children and tell them that I love them every time we speak.

I know how you feel Ellianne nothing I did was ever good enough for my mother. Even after I graduated at the age o61 with the OU she burst my bubble by saying ‘They say it’s not as good as other universities’ What I didn’t realise until after my father died was that she was alarmingly ignorant and he had carried her through all the years. She died 7 years ago and I don’t miss her at all. The ache in my heart is missing my father who died more than 20 years ago,

No!! Would apparently made me far too big headed. To be avoided at all costs!

Proud wasn’t really a much used word for me. ‘Well done’ was reserved for things like school test marks, 11+ and other exam results and an ‘I’m so pleased’ when I got my cycling proficiency badge.
Really the person in our house my mum and granddad were proudest of was my brother. Everything he did was something to be proud of, and he knew it!! I think that was still part of the ‘boys are better than girls’ era. It just made me work harder to beat him.
My dad was away in the navy, but I discovered later that he carried my photo with him, but not my brother’s photo. I’m sorry to say I was so pleased.

My dad did, but can't ever remember my mum saying so.
I'm one of 4, two boys, two girls.
My eldest brother is the brains in the family - went to uni, got a degree in Maths and then spent 30 odd years as a Maths teacher.
Unfortunately, I was expected to do the same but at 16, I was so sick and tired of being nagged at home and nagged at school, that despite trying to work hard for my O levels I failed Maths and ended up with 3 Olevels, much to my mothers disgust - brother had got 10 first time around! From then on, I felt I could do little right!

My mum did but my dad didn't . My mum was proud of me becoming a nurse and caring for cancer patients from the age of 18 . I make sure I tell my daughter I am proud of her especially now with the Corona virus . She goes of to work every day to make sure people can get there shopping and for this I am very proud of her .

Eldest of 4 with 9 years between us, Dad working as a fireman stoking the fires on steam trains then driver of all trains until his retirement. Always banging on the floor shutting us up as he was in bed. No love from him as my younger brothers had his surname after my sister and I got married. Same now, me and my sister gets love from Mum and always have done ?

Yes frequently, we had a wonderful childhood, my Brother and I were alwasy encouraged whatever we did, Mum was strict and when she raised her voice we knew she meant it, we called her "the voice" many years later we told her,and she was really amused.We were very fortunate to have such a lovely childhood, we have told out parents we are proud of them too, the the wonderful job they did.

It's been really comforting to hear of others like myself. I'll never forget my mother telling me that she was using some form of contraceptive ( whatever that was in the 40s!) when she became pregnant with me. This was a clumsy attempt on her part to do her maternal duty and advise me re birth control just before I got married when I was 24. Needless to say she never had the birds and the bees discussion with me!

In my eyes ever since, I wasn't wanted. I was cared for and maybe loved and as a child I had no idea what I was missing. But in my 70s I've come to realise that I don't remember ever being cuddled or kissed. The nearest I got to physical contact was sitting on my mother's knee being taught to read. It was a good move as I could read independently from the age of 4 and - as my brother was 10 years older -spent most of my childhood reading. So I've never been a tactile person, and realise that although I did cuddle my own children when they were little, the only contact as they've grown up has been the occasional hug, not because I don't love them but because I somehow feel awkward doing it .
Ironically, the only way I felt that I got approval was by doing well at school and passing my music exams - not that much was said - and if I was in a concert it was usually my great aunt ( who lived with us) who was in the audience, not my mother. My father worked shifts so he had more of an excuse.
I must however be grateful for what I did have - my emotional deprivation is "nothing " compared to the physical and emotional abuse that many far, far more unfortunate children experience.

Yes, they did. I was talking about this with my husband the other day and his never praised him. It has a huge effect on adult self-confidence.

nope, never ,i was brought up in an abusive home, my father ,a narcissist damaged even more by the war,my mother weak, substance abuser,the result WW3 in the home. I was regimented into line along with the mental torture of the Catholic faith.The effects have been long lasting,broken marriage,work life disrupted, the good things; I survived and have a small but close loving family.As parents we have an enormous responsibility for the next generations.There should be some sort of testing to screen out inadequate parents!

Neither of my parents ever said that they loved or were proud of me,can’t ever remember being hugged or cuddled by either of them but I was lucky my paternal grandma was very loving & I went to live with her when I was 11 years old......don’t think I was planned & my Mum & Dad had to get married so I never felt wanted.I am totally the opposite with my own children,love them & the grandchildren so much & we all hug & say “love you” frequently.I always felt very sad that neither of my parents could show any affection but they are both dead now & I still think about them & wonder why but maybe it’s a generation thing.

Lol, my mother's way is to tell me I'm her nemesis after I have spent years looking after her and am in the ambulance accompanying her to hospital. My father is too busy adoring himself to notice my achievements.
To be fair, my mother tells my sister how wonderful I am (in between complaining about me) and she tells me how wonderful my sister is in between moaning about her. We chuckle about it!
I try to tell my children how proud I am of them as often as I can because I never want them to feel as worthless as I did when I was growing up.

I could see they were proud of me at times and that was enough. I think a bigger problem is telling one child how pleased and proud you are of them and not them all.

God no! Then my childhood was difficult. I had a loving all be it codependent mom. My father that's another matter. I have a complex extreme story of life too long to go into, however has involved many types of interventions over the years for my mental health.

I grew to recreate and marry the ex, carbon copying my childhood only the ex was worse.

I changed many things about my childhood. My youngsters have always known how much they are loved and how proud of them yada yada

I went through the divorce from hell which impacted my children too, who are now adults.

Fortunately I happily remarried and my adult youngsters are all in good happy places. They have been able to see and learn from the man "who is the dad he didn't have to be" to them, my husband

My mother didn’t even tell me I looked nice on my wedding day, and when I was a child and came top of the class I ran home excited to tell her and she wouldn’t believe me until she saw my school report.
She always became jealous if my father showed me any affection and neither parent ever told me they loved me in fact in a silly argument when I was about 8 years old she told me my father didn’t love me.
Consequently I always told my two daughters how much I love them and how lovely they look, still do now they are both in their 40s and of course all seven grandkids.

No! I agree with lemongrove - they were different times. I think that in the 50s and early 60s parents were afraid to 'spoil' their children by praising them, and hugging/cuddling was only for pre-schoolers. We knew our parents loved us and I don't want to judge my parents by today's standards. However, I decided that I would tell my daughters when I was proud of them, but to do so every day would be to 'devalue the currency'. In my view, it should be for significant events. However, I frequently tell them that I love them, and I don't want that to be something which is dependent upon 'performance'. They are loved in their own right.

Interesting that so many 'grans' passed the eleven plus. Clearly a website for a certain type of person.

Always had food, clean clothes and a clean house. Never shown any love, and although encouraged to do well, there was no recognition once it was achieved. Mum has always been a control freak and if you didn’t do anything her way, you were criticised. When I gained promotion at work, with 130 staff under me, instead of saying well done etc she just started talking about my sister who owned a small shop and had 5 staff ?. All 3 of my AC are married, and not once did Mum say I looked nice. A dear friend who knows what my Mum is like, deliberately said at one wedding “ doesn’t .... look lovely” and the only comment made was “ she looks like Joan Collins” so I can only presume that is a compliment of sorts ! My Dad told me once that Mum was jealous of everyone, and even today aged 90 she does nothing but judge others. Altho she has now learnt to not even go there with criticising me ! I will accept constructive criticism from anyone but hers is destructive and I learnt many years ago to just laugh at her “not so subtle” attempts at manipulation.

Yes, often. My mum died 6 weeks ago age 92 and my dad died 18 months ago age 93.... and they were still telling me they were proud of me. Even 7 months ago, when I became a nan again for the 3rd time, my mum looked at me holding my newborn grandson and said 'Oh I'm SO proud of you, you're a wonderful nan'. I'm 59 and one of the biggest things I'm missing from them is the feeling that they are no longer here for me to make them proud.