whywhywhy I don't think you have posted for a few days, glad that you have today; you sound like you are suffering. Is there someone you can offload your feelings to? I know it can be hard to involve close relatives, so maybe a friend, especially one who has suffered with similar problems themselves. Failing that, maybe something off the internet, there are lots of websites that may help. Also, sit out in any sunshine there is, it is a well-known mood booster, all that vitamin D is very beneficial. I know it is a herculean task to try and feel positive or see the joy in anything, but we are all here for you, one little positive
take care xx