Old fashioned or fair.

Agree with you. I've met people like that and the marriages didn't last forever. If there's children involved he probably wants to keep the marriage intact. I know it's hard but bite your tongue and move on.

Hm999 ??
I’m afraid having little ones home
all day is a full time job in it own right.. dust will always be there, washing can wait til evening but they stay little for such a short time and Need our time and company. Doing chores together can be fun.. but god forbid the house is a mess! Nobody’s business but yours and your other half... if ppl don’t like it... ask them to help......

That’s not equality, it’s just laziness. How sad for her husband that he has to do it all. Surely that marriage can’t last.

'No she's definitely not ill in any way, shape or form. She's simply bone bloody idle.'

That is very judgemental. There are some illnesses that cannot be seen from the outside. When I was a student nurse I went out with a community mental health nurse. He had a patient to visit whose house was, as you would describe it, a tip and that person just sat around doing nothing. But he was not idle, not at all. He was extremely unwell with depression that was so debilitating that he was almost catatonic. This community nurse simply rolled up his sleeves and did the washing up while I had a quick tidy. We were not being judgemental, not at all, because that nurse knew that by doing what little we could would make the patient feel a tiny bit better.

So, how do you know that this young mother does not have similar problems? Maybe taking the children to school is the best that her illness will allow her to do.

Judge not, lest ye too be judged (or something like that!)

My friend turned round to her live in boyfriend 15+ years together, when he moaned about her being lazy said we didn't get together for my cleaning skills and cut him short, she does work part time, we all kept quiet.

Dont even get me started on this.............

Maybe she's writing a book.

I agree. Someone else’s business is stressing you out. Keep your nose out and calm down.

I don't really think it is for us to comment.we don't know the full facts. No one except tje couple concerned can know what is happening. There may be more happening than you are aware.

I still work full time but DH only works part time - so he does the bulk of the house work. This means that we can both enjoy weekends together without fuss. We agreed this roleshare approach years ago when he gave up work to look after our two DDs.

The home may not be pristine - but it is home

It's up to hime to tell her. He obviously lets her get away with it.

If one person goes out to work to support the family the one left at home should pick up most of the housework, cooking and ironing etc. unless they both choose to pay help to do it. It's not sexist, it is fair.

Letting someone go out to work and come home to a tip and no dinner is inconsiderate and lazy.

IMHO. But I am a judgemental old bat.

I think the system is better nowadays, when most young married couples seem to share housework and financial responsibilities equally. The crunch comes when the children arrive, as mother frequently works part-time and finds herself doing all the housework, even when she has returned to working full time.
Many women now share in heavy gardening, decorating and car maintenance, not to mention putting out the bins, which never used to happen, at least in my mother's day.

I do know a woman exactly like the one described in the post. Her husband was the product of a divorce, and was determined to be a good hands-on husband and father, of which she took full advantage. She resented his good job to the extent that he gave it up to please her, moved to a different area, and ended up in menial work following a nervous breakdown. Still she expected him to do everything. Writing this she has just reminded me of somebody!

My granddaughter's partner left her due to a similar issue. He worked away all week and then came home to a domestic tip and no food cooked every weekend. No clean clothes, nothing.
She moaned like hell but she deserved it. No one likes a lazy partner.

You sound like my MIL ,she used to get angry when my sons then partner left lots of jobs for him after his 12 hour shifts ,even bathing the baby.They lived with her parents who not unreasonably expected her to do housework when they were out all day .Her dad would get p'd off because my son was going home to wash floors and clean ovens etc.The relationship ended when she started going out at weekends with other men and expected him to pick her up at 3am 40 miles away .

I was born in 1950. It always fascinated me that both my grandfather and my uncle undertook the 'heavy' housework' - cleaning external stairs, hovering, weekly shop etc and my 3 male cousins carried on the tradition. I found a husband who is happy to cook, shop and child mind....but neither of us is much good at housework sadly.... My mum always said I should have a routine. I have tried and failed several times. Now we are about to be confined to barracks by the govt, I think the best plan is to chuck everything out that we don't actually use and take it from there. We'll see.....

She may be happy living in mess. I am a tidy person but if I lived with somebody messy and lazy it would be up to me to clean up if I want it tidy.

Who is to say how anyone else lives,it must annoy messy people when someone is constantly tidying.

I do feel your way of thinking is very outdated.

Plus, society has changed so much. Both partners may have to work to be able to afford what one salary could in the past.

Families manage themselves and do what works for them. It may not make sense to you. It doesn't have to. It is none of your business. It doesn't impact you.

My son and his wife decided on role reversal, when after having their daughter 9 years ago, DIL decided that she wanted to follow her chosen path of nursing, which meant a 3 year university course, at a university a train ride away, son took on the childcare, house, shopping and still does it to this day, while his wife works on an elderly person's dementia ward at the local hospital. This works well for them as a family, daughter happy for dad to take and pick her up from school daily (although it took him a bit to adjust to being one of the school "mums", but he joins in with them now !!)

Well, as long as her husband puts up with it, nothing will change,

I have never understood how anyone could literally do nothing for eight hours on end, but some people are bone idle.

I think it's up to the parents to decide who does what in the home and with the children.

Wonder if anyone looks at some of us, allegedly 'doing nothing', not realising that getting out of the house, meeting friends, taking little 'uns to park, maybe a coffee out, doing classes is important for our mental health. (And some of us will find being isolate-housebound very tough.)

If one partner works all day, whichever one of them it is, the one who stays at home should keep the house in good order, except for maybe a couple of jobs that perhaps a man (if he's the worker) could do more easily, like lugging heavy bins or mowing big lawns etc. It's only fair.

I wish I could have stayed home at any time. I worked full time even after we had children, They were farmed out and I hated it but we could not afford for me to stay home. Both of us did all the housework together and took our children out to the local park at weekends. The children did not like it when they were left with their minders and my little son even used to hang onto the car and it was difficult to dislodge him. It was distressing for all of us. Both survived this harsh treatment and became lovely adults. My little son became a doctor and my daughter refused to work and looked after her only child. I am talking about the late 60s and early 70s.

Vampire Queen I feel just as your do . I disapprove of lazy sluts when their sluttishness is a burden to others. I try to believe sluts can't help being sluts but I believe people should not burden others when they can help.

I totally believe that if the man goes to work and the woman stays at home then she should do the bulk of the housework, I'm not going as far as having the tea on the table the minute he walks through the door or running his bath for him etc, I was a stay at home mum and now my hubby has recently retired I'm finding it very hard to give over some of my housework to hubby, he's said he doesn't want to be sat around bored doing nothing but I find that if he says "should I do ......." I'll say "it's ok I'll do it after I've done ....... " so wary about stepping on my toes as well, I also feel guilty if say he's hoovered while I've been out to the shops as I think I should have done that before I went out, how have others adjusted