If you’ve gone through feeling unmotivated, lonely, depressed, sad...

Go Rufus!!! Gmarie, have a go at drinking just plain water. Maybe the fizz makes you need the toilet more during the night. Some lovely kind posts here.

gmarie, I understand now. For me, it's tea not coffee but no caffeine at all after five PM. I drink a large glass of tomato juice as part of my effort to drink healthy fluid.

Have you been to the doc about increased thirst? It is sometimes a sign of diabetes.

Alexa, when I curl up with a cup of coffee, it's in the morning. I always have a cup or two while checking my email, reading the paper, etc. At night I tend to drink sparkling water. That way I'm not kept awake but I do unfortunately wake up a few times to take trips to the bathroom. I try not to drink anything late in the evening, but I seem to have gotten much thirstier as I've gotten older.

I am a terrible failure and allaying the consequent guilt is important. I manage this by doing what I enjoy.

Sparkling wrote:
"What to do, when you are of no use or ornament?"

Answer: you live for yourself . Living for yourself involves taking care of your health and finances. After that boring business of health and finances you do what gives you pleasure.

If you have been habituated to putting others before self finding pleasure again may take some time and effort.

gmarie, if you stop taking coffee at bedtime you will have more restorative sleep. Please look into caffeine addiction and ask yourself if you are taking too much coffee.

Chardy, I've found that magnesium and eggs (because of the choline) will noticeably improve my concentration and energy (which can also help with my mood when I'm feeling more even keel overall). My B12 levels are high as per latest month's yearly physical with lab work. I'm guessing that's because I take Centrum Silver. It's a bit confusing because it's hard to know how much is being absorbed by the body.

Have 2 friends (who don't know each other) who were singing the praises of B12 jabs for 'low mood' in women. When approached, my dr wouldn't hear of it, though offered no alternative, nor showed any interest in how I felt, which made my mood lower still.

Oops, toasting granddads, too. Btw, Rufus, loved your joke!

loopyloo I know what you mean about those certain times of the year. Today was Mom's birthday so I'm always a bit sad on Valentine's day. One of my previous students posted that beginning speech from Love Actually on Instagram, today, the one that ends with "love actually is all around" so I decided to curl up on the couch tonight with my dog, Oscar, watch the movie and have a glass of hard cider! Toasting all of you Gransnet ladies, especially if you feel alone tonight!

What do you mean Sparkling? Say a bit more and folks can try to help.

What to do, when you are of no use or ornament?

I tend to suffer from annual depressions. One is at the beginning of March which is when my father died in the space of 10 days in 1963 That combined with the time of year really gets me down.
Another is in June when I have hayfever and worry that I haven't done enough revision for A levels. Haunts me still.

Rufus Thank you for making me laugh it feels good

I think a mixture of routine and free time works well. I have 3 morning committments which force me to be up and out. The days with no focus seem an attractive proposition, but can sort of collapse.

And now I've done it again and stayed up until 2:30... Off to bed...

Re/ routines, I can't quite decide whether or not I want them. So much of life before retirement was routinized and stressful that I find I balk at being roped into anything. On the other hand, the days just speed by leaving me, as Hetty58 mentions, feeling utterly depressed that the entire morning has somehow disappeared just 'maintaining'(not achieving). Or, even worse, they disappear into a black hole as I watch YouTube and read the news...

That would be great gmarie. It's really helped my focus just writing down my thoughts and reading other replies. I need to kick myself up the backside now!

Kwest, I take Sumatriptan and Rizatriptan (dissolves under tongue) and, yes, they are nothing short of miraculous in my book! If I take one soon enough it makes all the difference. Nothing else ever came close. I have dramatically fewer full blown days where I'm in bed (I'm sure you know those - total darkness, no sound, no movement, etc.) and just one or two trips to the hospital a year now.

You've all given so many great examples of the ways you've moved forward - travel, piano, lunches with friends, good sleep, joining groups and classes, sewing, yoga, walks, Pilates, Aqua, pets, "cba", etc.! I am hoping to get to some similar things again - sooner rather than later. The only way I can think of to describe what I'm experiencing is that I'm on one side of a canyon and everything I want to do, or feel I should do, is on the other side and I can't get there.

A lot of suggestions were made to explain lack of motivation, fatigue and sadness: illness or injury, burn out, menopause, getting older, winter blues, being alone, being overwhelmed with responsibilities, loss of purpose after retirement, grief. We should all give ourselves credit that we're still standing and persevering!

I felt I was starting to get a handle on several of these things when Dad died. Your kind thoughts felt like "permission" not to be at 100%. I know we've all had to deal with losses, but I can't seem to grasp the fact that someone who meant so much to me and who was so present in my life is no longer on this Earth. I'm sure I'll get there.

I'm thinking the answer will be for me to "just get started". Hopefully it will be sort of like priming a pump and I won't feel so stuck. It actually helped just typing it up on here and reading all of your thoughts. Isn't it funny how just not feeling so alone in something can make such a difference? Does anyone think it would help to have a thread (or even continue this one) where we could share small goals, our progress on them, and more tips and ideas?

I don't have any answers but I really appreciate this thread and many of the replies. I didn't expect the difficulties I've had settling into a new area and making friends. I also didn't expect general fatigue and mild illness and physical problems to mean that I couldn't do some of the things I had planned. It's frightening seeing the years slip by and knowing I need to focus on the things I really want. I've found U3A and the WI brilliant but it certainly takes more energy than I sometimes have to get up and go out of the door.

Jenpax, hope things improve for you, you deserve it.?

Oh sorry to hear all that Jenpax.No wonder you feel knocked for six.Our DD had sepsis last year and fortunately only needs a week in hospital but it left her feeling very jittery and anxious for a long time afterwards. It's hard isn't it to find a balance between helping our DCs with childcare and getting on with the next phase of our lives.Helping every day seems a massive commitment.And a lot to expect.Have you tried to explain to your family just how low you feel,and that you need looking after too?

I am also suffering from an attack of the black dog! and struggle with motivation and loss of my Joie de vivre
It’s 18 months since I had cancer and then nearly died of sepsis. It threw my life into turmoil. I spent 2 months in hospital and was virtually bed ridden for another 4 months, I suffer from the after effects still,and have had to put my house on the market due to my health and have had to move towns!
I am struggling with all the changes and with the loss of the life I had before I got ill. I miss my job (working remotely isn’t the same) I have had to take a pay cut, I miss my friends and feel unvalued except as an on demand baby sitter/ housekeeper for my AC.
I hate the cold and the rain, am fed up with the stress of managing on a (now) strained budget, and long to be able to reset my life.
I love the idea of using the spare money from my house to go travelling but I am not yet near retirement age, and the AC expect me to help with daily child care duties so I can’t see it as a realistic option.
I would love to get my mojo back but I sometimes find it a struggle to cook a meal ( and I love cooking!) I will definitely give the vit D Spray a go and am thinking of a light therapy lamp, what I really need is a couple of months in the sun ?

Eglantine21 oh that's wonderful! I'd be right there with you. I have the gear, just not the dosh. You're so lucky. But I do my little bits that I can. If I could get off this island....