men on postnatal wards at night

I would have hated it but am sure my x would have wanted to stay. All it would have achieved was to stress me out, stop me from sleeping and been no help whatsoever. It was the only time he did any child care or housework when I was in hospital! I'm sure men are different now but it puts such pressure on the staff if they don't behave.

With rules of what can/cant happen, of course they should. We expect both parents to actively bring up a child, well it starts on day one!
There a rules for the mothers already in place, why would it be so difficult to make fathers adhere to the same ones?
If compromise is needed I'm sure one of the wards/bays could be male free, couldn't it?

My DiL gave birth at 11pm in a room with 1 bed (double) and the birthing pool all in an NHS hospital in East London. My son stayed the night and they all went home the next day. The perfect arrangement!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I think staying would be alright if everyone had individual rooms and separate toilets, otherwise no, no, no. New mums need peace and quiet and are sent home so quickly now. Oh the joy of 10 days, rest enforced before visiting, all men out at 8.30, specially if it was a 2nd or 3rd baby.

I think the only way this can possible work is if the hospital has sufficient staff and room to put women who want their husbands to stay at night in one ward and women who do not want strangers around in another, where they will need to do without their own husbands.

When my daughter had her first baby, she was in a room with one other new mother whose husband slept overnight in a chair snoring like a freight train all night long.She booked a private room for the second birth!

I don’t think anyone is suggesting all men in Scotland behave like cavemen in maternity hospitals.

It only takes one or two to cause a kerfuffle and it isn’t always easy to deal with the situation, when so many hospital staff are verbally abused and assaulted nowadays.

I refuse to believe all men behave like cavemen in maternity wards in Scotland. If that is the case, there is something seriously wrong and an intervention is needed to teach them to behave like human beings.

They cannot be very good husbands and fathers if they disregard the mothers' and babies' needs in such a vulnerable and crucial time.

If they behave like that, they must be kicked out. Period. Have security go around and make sure patients and their support behave.

I wouldn’t like that at all - I remember it being quite nice when my own Dh went home so I could lie there peacefully and not have to make conversation. I certainly wouldn’t want other people’s partners there. I remember when I had my second baby, I was in a ward of six women. One evening, a dad pulled the curtains round the bed and tried to initiate sex with his poor wife, who’d not long delivered her umpteenth child. Someone rang for staff and the ward sister came running in. She was an absolute tyrant of the old school, mid-50’s, a spinster, rules must be obeyed type, but lovely to the mums and babies. She made that man wish he’d never been born himself! . No one would dare do that nowadays.

In Sweden it seems to be the norm for fathers to stay overnight with new mum and baby but they have individual rooms. No-one else is allowed to visit though, so presumably general ward area is quiet.

The tendency in general hospitals for mixed wards is also uncomfortable for some women, but seems to be increasing. Often elderly patients with dementia can get confused and get into bed with someone else of opposite sex!

Following this thread I decided to see how widespread and recent this practice was. The first hospital guideline that google threw up was this

www.hey.nhs.uk/news/2018/07/23/hospital-offers-guidance-to-new-dads-before-overnight-stays/

I saw, with amazement that partners are allowed to take in a takeaway-as long as they clear up after.

And that men would be discouraged from walking around in their underwear and using the women's loos and shower facilities

Much of this relies on the compliance and co-operation of the people concerned. Unfortunately, some people do not regard such rules and regulations apply to them

Your post sounds horrendous petunia, I’m all for giving women support but that sounds ridiculous what’s going on there, this didn’t happen years ago, bring back the matrons! Totally agree with EllieB52, I’ve heard everything now takeaways .Talking loudly, watching porn, watching women breastfeed! No privacy!

This is not my experience of Edinburgh and our DC, DGC and friends were born there. 10 years ago, they were home the same day or after a very short time. One who had a C-section was in a side room with privacy and no-one could stay overnight. I am talking about the New hospital.
Is this a recent development? I don't like the sound of it at all.

Bring back MATRON!! all is forgiven

I was at the Sick Kids (Royal Hospital for Sick Children) recently and both the baby's parents were being housed in a local flat belonging to the hospital which was a wonderful support for the distraught couple. Baby recovered.

Oh I forgot the indignity of breast pumps and doctors asking all sorts of personal questions that you don't want the world listening to the answers through the lovely see through none sound proof curtains.
I also saw be man look under the curtain at the lady in the next bed from his partner!
Shocking.
If men are staying all patients should have private rooms.

I had to stay on the antenatal ward recently for tests. It was not a pleasant experience.
There were men behaving really badly. Loud, lots of friends permitted at all hours, food, flatulence, ipads blaring giks and music, like phone ring tones, laughing at all hours, use of patient toilet and shower facilities - horrific. I didn't sleep a wink.
A strict set of guidelines needs to be followed. It really did feel very vulnerable.
I have no idea how I will cope when the time comes for my C section, if I have to stay for weeks like last time.
How the heck are you supposed to establish breastfeeding in those circumstances, let alone recover.

Ah, those soundproof curtains!

pen50
I completely agree.

As a retired ward sister I was appalled ,when visiting my DiL in a surgical ward,to find in the bed opposite, a patient whose partner was objectionable.
Complained that a monitor was bleeping a d getting on his nerves! He lay on the bed, then went off to get a take away, his poor partner was' nil by mouth'!
What I found amazing, the staff did nothing! Would not happen in my day!

I had never heard of this happening so a little shocked. I would not have liked my husband, or anybody elses to be in the ward at night. Having a member of the opposite sex at an outpatients appointment in the next cubicle is bad enough which happened to me when I had a gyny appointment. The lady is the next (curtained off) bed (with her husband) was being asked very personal questions about her sex life, the doctor thought the curtains provided complete privacy. This happens in all sorts of wards (physio e.g.) So having men present takes away any privacy a new mums may want. I hope that there are some NHS staff reading this.

I’d have loved my DH to stay after the birth, but I wouldn’t have wanted a ward full of other husbands so it’d have to be one rule for all.
Simple rules, no food, no use of mobile phones by visitors (including taking photos), low voices for talking -or you’re out. Oh and the need for respect for staff.

First birth in 1973 in hospital no fathers allowed in except in visiting hours, but 22 mothers and babies in the ward and it was not peaceful. Toilets were not that clean either. You had to stay 10 days then after the birth. Husband was merchant navy and due to go back so I discharged myself after 5 days. Hence the battle to have second child at home 2 years later. And I am very glad I managed it.

Nearly 20 years ago when I had my last baby, my husband was kicked out just as I was coming around after a C-section and was vomiting. There were notices that mid-wives weren't there to care for the babies and mothers were responsible for them. I couldn't look after myself let alone a baby so my husband asked if he could stay until I could manage. The answer was a negative and when I asked how I was supposed to get the baby out of its crib when I couldn't move due to the op, they just tucked him up in bed with me. I was drifting in and out of consciousness with the morphine but managed to express my concern at the baby falling out of bed whilst I was out of it...they just put the bed side up. Had I been at home with a baby in my bed whilst under the influence of Class A drugs, Social Services would have removed said baby from my care.
I absolutely support the father being allowed to stay but more privacy should be provided for the other patients. Most new mothers only stay for 4-6 hours after the birth so it shouldn't be too disruptive or difficult to manage.

This reminds me of my hospital stays when I've been driven mad by people watching bedside TVs without headphones late into the night. Once someone was watching a western with loads of gunfighting when all the other patients had lights-out and blankets over their heads. As mentioned by others, it's up to staff how to deal with it, but they were usually away on the nurses station and not bothered. One time it got so bad I spent the rest of the night lying on chairs in the dayroom. Oh for the days when there was a clear day and night time on the ward, and a nurse sat in silence at a desk in the middle with her papers, her light a comforting glow. I know it's not practical now, but I miss it. Proper rest is as vital as medicine for recovery. As is nutritious food. Both need to be prioritised more than they are at the moment.

I had 3 cesareans...5 days in hospital each time. I managed. I am not sure why a woman needs her partner there helping 24/7. My daughters have had 6 cesareans between them and their partners didn't stay with them 24/7. Never heard the like. I think it awful that women are being denied privacy at this time.