men on postnatal wards at night

New mums and babies need peace and quiet to get to know each other... time for men when they’re home from hospital.

Not much thought seems to have been given to the feelings of new mums who, for whatever reason, don’t have a husband/ partner to be there with them . It must be hard enough at visiting times to see others with partners/ husbands if you are on your own , let alone seeing them all night .

I think it’s dreadful.
Allowing any men to stay overnight on a maternity ward is a no, no.
It just isn’t practical. Surely wives and partners can manage overnight until next visiting time.
I’m afraid I’m old school and wouldn’t feel comfortable having men around me in that situation.

I wonder about security.
Everybody could think that a person is someone else's partner, when they may not be.

My daughter in law was in the maternity ward and the mother in the bed opposite her had her man with her. He used the toilet on the ward and the bath. He shouted down his phone while eating a kebab. My daughter in law felt very exposed when trying to fed her daughter and nervous of him,
The staff seemed unable or unwilling to remove him . Luckily after 24 hours he went home.
When you have just had a baby you should not be exposed to strange men that are badly behaved, Bring back visiting time,.

It's a no from me. Many patients find having visitors tiring. A lot of mums probably want peace and quiet. Many husbands are possibly bored, hence the phones and takeaways. There will be plenty of time for dads to bond with baby when he/she gets home, which is generally fairly quickly nowadays.

Call I loved my time in hospital after my dd was born ( it was a 5 day stay in those days). I remember the day my milk came in and the great advice from the seasoned mums. One of them really helped with her advice on latching on. We all had a great time and I became firm friends with one of them. And yes, very strict visiting times

Yes one person (usually father) during the birth and for a while after, until mum is settled. Others during visiting hours only, then staff can watch their behaviour and deal with it.
Hygiene used to be important in hospitals. Visitors weren't even allowed to sit on the beds!

I was in a private room after two births and longed to be on the ward with the other mums.
They all sounded as if they were having a good laugh and supporting each other.

Partners, other children allowed during visiting hours only seemed to work too.

I love how threads take on a life of their own and go off at a tangent.
It just shows how we all see different things in a statement.

I really don't think my main aim was to point out how misogynistic all men are and should be banned until the infant starts school.Far from it.

I think I was wanting to say that there are, and always will be, sections of the community who will twist the rules or ignore them to their own advantage. The behaviour of a few partners can spoil it for the many. Takeaways, noise, walking around in their underwear, using the spaces designated for women to shower, this isn't what the policy called for, but unfortunately, in some cases this is what it got

Postnatal wards are notoriously understaffed. As is postnatal care in general. There may be shinning beacons of excellence around the UK but postnatal care generally can be sketchy and varied.

The shortage of staff at night is no reason to open the doors to people who choose to behave so boorishly. Partners who are genuinely helping the new mother and following the rules are one thing. Partners who seem to think its party time and a good laugh should be shown the door, and the midwife who does that should be congratulated not scolded.

I still think that new hospitals should be designed with these issues in mind.its much harder to change existing buildings

I think it’s lovely to know there are some arrangements that allow for couples to be together in privacy if that’s what they both want and I wish it were more widespread. However, where single rooms are not available I think it’s wrong for someone else’s partner to be foistered on another woman in a shared space. I think it’s a bit OTT to believe that not being there for the first night would get in the way of bonding.

I have be following this thread carefully and do recommend looking at the website petunia suggested: www.hey.nhs.uk/news/2018/07/23/hospital-offers-guidance-to-new-dads-before-overnight-stays/
I know times have changed,but the basic ideas in the report could be right for some mums. Most importantly, though, there is a need for rules which must be enforced so that other new mums aren’t upset. I was very distressed after a difficult birth ((in the late 80’s ) when at least 6 men- friends and relatives of another mum on our 4 bed ward- spent the whole afternoon eating, drinking , chatting and the last straw was when they wandered over to my bed to look out of the window.... they were almost sitting on my bed. The ward cleaner noticed what was going on and insisted that she needed to clean the windows , so these men had to move . I was in no fit state to cope with the situation myself and I’ll be eternally grateful for her kindness.
What is needed, as so many others have said, are individual rooms with private loos and showers ,then everyone would be happy!

Here we are with the old “human rights” argument again. It’s this present attitude that people’s demands, however stupid, have to be met. No, they don’t!
EllieB52 - you are SO RIGHT!!

A really lovely experience Roses. Glad all went so well.

It is deeply misogynist to say that women are not entitled to privacy when they are vulnerable, they are entitled to say no to having men in that space.

My daughter was very privileged to have had her second child in our local midwife lead unit. It was 5* treatment from start to finish. She had her own room, background music and a dedicated midwife who was with her through her delivery. The midwife have her aromatherapy and was just amazing. My SIL and I were brought in endless cups of tea and when she delivered at 9.20 that evening she was able to phone her sister who came in at 11 pm to see her and the baby, she also had her 16 year old niece - they could stay as long as they wanted as she was the only one on the unit that night. They had a bed for her husband and was given a towel so he could shower. The baby was unsettled during the night so one of the midwifes came in and took the baby with my daughters permission so they could both get some much needed sleep. The next morning they were both brought in tea and toast. and her sister brought in the new baby’s brother for him to see - she was told she could leave when she was ready, and if she really wanted she could have stayed in another night, the care was first class and couldn't fault it at all - but the best part was mum and dad had those very special moment of a new born together and time before going home before the hectic routine of a new born began.

Spot on Summerlove.

Fathers in maternity wards is about family bonding.

Btw, different mothers in the same room is being surrounded by strangers, even if no men were around

In the 50s when babies and small children were in hospital parents were not allowed to visit them in case they, both child and parent, were upset or caught something, and could only look at them from the ward door. They couldn’t go to their child’s cot for a cuddle or allow the child to see them. I think after a period of settling they were allowed just for the strict daily visiting times
What will the next few years bring. I wonder if the nhs is around to celebrate its centenary. ? I really hope so.

Too much about peoples rights nowadays.

You must be joking.

Hopefully a lot of these posts are just written in a way that easily allows them to be misconstrued, but the implication of so many that a man’s job is to bugger off and go home and wait while the woman takes care of the newborn is, frankly, shocking.

Newborns are, on the whole, mostly awake in the middle of the night. This is when nursing staff is usually at its lightest, and a new mother needs the most amount of help.

The implication that women should just suck it up and deal is mind blowing to me.

Of course the proper thing is better hospital rooms and more nursing staff, but until that happens should women just not have the proper support?

It’s Coming across as incredibly misogynistic from a group of women who should know better.

Instead of fighting men on wards, fight for better care for your daughters and granddaughters.

I agree bring back matron. And strict rules about visiting so that staff can do their job and wards are peaceful hygienic places. Certainly a bit more consideration for young children is needed (although I spent a month in hospital when I was ten. I cried sometimes missing home but I was fine. It didn't scar me.)
Too much about peoples rights nowadays.

I'm with Gagajo.
I think these days there isn't a tough faced matron on the prowl. When on the ward with our seriously disabled and I'll son, some beds were surrounded noise, like a party. Treated the curtain like a wall. Complete disrespect and young nurses not up to sorting them out

In the mid 70s when mine were born it was not expected that fathers would be present for the birth. We had to ask if this was possible and my husband was a lot of support. I had a very long labour.
Once the baby was born fathers went home and visited only during visiting hours for the next 10 days before we were discharged.
Babies spent their time in a nursery looked after by staff apart from feeding time when they were brought in to mothers, and taken back to the nursery after feeding.
It was only on day 8 or 9 that we were taught to bath baby, change nappies, and make bottles ( I was the only one that was breast feeding) but got shown anyway. Day 10 we came home.
It’s all very different now I know, but I wouldn’t be happy for random men to hang about in the wards all day, never mind all night.

I can't understand why anyone has to have someone else in the ward with them, it's enough disturbance at visiting time. When I gave birth in the 70s there were strict visiting hours and no-one even thought of partners staying longer or overnight...

Why? Because nursing staff numbers have fallen, and some women need more support than what they are given

When my mother gave birth the rules were even stricter. No wonder! Bring back matron, and quite honestly, new mums - get on with it! Some mums need to develop a backbone!

Bully for you. “Some mums” Have developed a back bone and have stated that their needs are not being met and
therefore they need additional support.

Single rooms would help a lot of this.

As far as whole families visiting, Surely that’s not just men, but mothers and mothers in law and sisters and brothers and grandparents. This isn’t strictly a partner issue.

No no no,good grief it's a hospital not a hotel !