Moving in with my mum

I did it when my marriage broke up years ago and it worked well I think for everyone.
Mum and I had an arrangement as far as babysitting was concerned and we both had our own social life and my dad was the father that was lacking in my son's life .
It worked out well for us, from who did the cooking, washing, cleaning etc, so can see no reason why it couldn't for you whether you use it as a breathing space or a permanent arrangement.

You should give it a trial before thinking of making it long term. You could discuss with your DM her feeling on you possibly marking it long term but again give her time to evaluate the situation. Also you should agree how the home will be managed not only the domestics issues but the social side as well. Is there space for you to entertain friends on your own. The financial implications eg council tax, will DM lose a single occupancy allowance, any benefits being on her own. Hope it goes well for you since escaping your situation.

Have you asked your mum, how she sees your moving in? Is she assuming it will be a temporary arrangement? Has it even occurred to her that you are considering the possibility of it being permanent. That is something that must be clear right from the start.

Then the two of you should give yourselves six months and then discuss the future. If you decide to risk a long-term arrangement, then you need to talk long and hard. You need to talk through long time living together.

When one of my aunts did what you planned, she had what was almost a separate flat. She had two of the bedrooms one as a bedroom and the other as a living room. Her mother had similar with a shared kitchen and bathroom. They agreed that one never went into the other's accommodation when they were out and they knocked before entering when they were at home. This gave them both independence and privacy and enabled them to live together as well. They could have friends round separately, watch different tv programmes and share a glass of wine together whenever they wanted and my aunt became her mother's carer as she aged, but that too was fraught with problems. Rushing home from work everynight to cook an evening meal, having to get her up and breakfasted before she left, doing all the shopping etc etc.

Plan the first six months and anything after that think and talk extensively and intensively together and with others before you commit.

Whenever anyone moves into a place that the other person is already in, the main bone of contention is space. Maybe rent a storage unit, and decide initially the least you need to take with you.

Agree with previous posters but do please check how your Mum sees the timescale. It's important that you are very clear about that.

Please tread carefully. My daughter moved back home and although it started off really well, gradually little things began to turn into big things and we ended up not really liking each other any more. She has since moved back but our relationship is spoiled. Its OK, just spoiled.
Do please make it temporary.
Your Mum might say she thinks its a great idea for you to stay and look after her in her old age, but unless you are an extraordinary couple I doubt it will work. If you could look around for somewhere near her you may find its a better solution.
Good luck anyway. Do let us know how you feel after a year or so living with this arrangement if you decide to go ahead.

You are no doubt beefing very bruised just now and how lovely to have your mother to help you get on your feet again.

Please try to recover before you make “rest of life” decisions. I do hope it works for you but if you haven’t already made promises it will be easier if you find you need your own space. Keep your future options open, recover, and then see how you both feel about a longer term living relationship.

Good luck.

See how it goes. She could be independent for another 20 years, who knows what your situation will be by then.

As above really Sandy2020 don't commit to anything long term at this stage. Give yourself time to recover and for you and your Mum to get used to the new living situation.
I hope things work out for you both.

Tanith I so agree with you it may be a flowers and unicorns situation, but it may not and I think it’s by far the best NOT to make any definite decisions about this Start with it as a temporary situation and see how it goes, sometimes the very very best of relationships can spoil if too close
I don’t really see what advantage or need there is in discussing and deciding before you’re actually there
It doesn’t have to be one or the other unless your mum is insisting on knowing (and it doesn’t sound as if she is) So move in, enjoy being with Mum and see how it goes
Good luck

One of my daughters moved in when her long relationship broke up. It was fine we get on well she contributed to bills and took care of all her food washing etc. But having lived away for 20+ yrs it was a bit like living in a bed sit for her and it was a relief when she was able to move out 3 yrs later. She felt she couldn’t have friends around and spent a lot of time in her room as she didn’t want me to feel she was imposing on me. I’m the same age as your Mum and honestly it was nice to have my daughter around but I like my home to myself. I hope it works out how you hope.

I would imagine the reality of such a situation is that once you move in, you will be such a wonderful companion and support to your Mum, and she to you, that you will not want (or be easily able) to leave. Especially as she gets older.

So be very sure you are doing the right thing before you move.
Discuss it all with her before you move.

Decide what you want from the situation : some privacy, the ability to socialise outside the home if you feel like it; how much to pay fairly towards the household and so on.

If you are absolutely sure your Mum's personality and yours are compatible, it will probably work just fine and you can change and refine things later.

Personally, when my Mum moved in with me, prior to finding and buying her own home, it was a disaster.

I was tearing my hair out in the first 2 weeks but we made it through 6 months and there were sighs of relief all round when we were once more in our own domains.

I agree with above post. Definitely a trial period to begin with. Hope it goes well for you both.

Why not see how it goes first? Unless there's a reason you need to discuss it now? I'm sure your mother won't expect you to commit to a "forever" stay at this point.

But well done you for getting out!
I do hope you are feeling yourself soon.
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