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Step Daughter issues

(58 Posts)
Tedber Sat 11-Jan-20 08:16:56

Just another point, she may be incredibly shy about her body? She may feel frightened someone may walk in on her? She may just get dressed in bed for that reason? All possibilities.

Also when I was 16 we only had a bath once a week! Gosh seems unbelievable now, but we did! Everyone is so used to daily showers now they’ve forgotten! We didn’t go around smelling I do think ?

tanith Sat 11-Jan-20 08:14:32

At 16 it’s really her choice to shower/wash or not it’s really not up to you to interfere. If she lived with you maybe, you’ve tried now leave it up to her.

Tedber Sat 11-Jan-20 08:10:48

If she doesn’t smell I would ignore it - she’s only there for a weekend.

If the smell was knocking me out I would have to have a little chat - even if it meant she took offence and stopped coming! (If it is so bad her friends will be noticing as well and she may thank you for it eventually)

Depends just how bad it is really.

gmarie Sat 11-Jan-20 07:22:23

If she left the bath products and towels on the bed, perhaps arrange them in a little basket along with a treat (chocolates/special tea?) and/or other small item (perfume/locket/small nosegay of flowers?) and leave it on the bathroom counter so it looks more like a welcome gift than a hygiene hint.

16 is a delicate age rife with self-esteem and social-emotional issues. If I were you, I wouldn't force the issue beyond that. She will eventually come around on her own.

Calendargirl Sat 11-Jan-20 07:11:55

Does she actually have BO? If not, I suppose it’s up to her really how often she washes. If she does, then it’s awkward. I don’t know what I would do in that case, sorry, not much help!

BlueBelle Sat 11-Jan-20 07:06:39

I don’t think you can do anything more than you ve done without embarrassing her and maybe risk losing the relationship
Have you tried turning the shower for her and wake her to ‘your shower is ready’ or run a bath for her and say the same she ll probably ignore it but that’s the only think I can think of
Do her clothes smell? can you whisk them off for a wash, as she’s only 16 she ll still sort of expect her washing to be done
It’s a really hard one

Itsnotme Sat 11-Jan-20 06:05:33

As they say, the apple doesn’t far from the tree. So maybe she doesn’t see it as being important.

I have a step mother and it would really irk me if she suggested I do things that are none of her business. So maybe she’s less likely to do as you want now she’s been told.

Camelia3 Sat 11-Jan-20 05:10:16

We are both in our 60's but my husband has a 16 yr old daughter from a previous relationship. They have a fairly new relationship of 3 years. She visits us every 4 weeks for a weekend. They are generally speaking, happy visits. However, her personal hygiene is poor. In all her visits I can only count 6 times that she has showered and even fewer times that she has brushed her teeth. We have tried leaving her own specially bought products on her bed, new shower gel, toothbrushes, pretty towels etc. But she goes home and they are untouched. We have hinted through conversation ' oh isn't a shower refreshing? Etc etc. I used to take her a cup of tea in the mornings and suggest a shower before we head off out for the day, but she out-foxes me and gets dressed while still in bed !!!! Even when I know she's having her period there's still no attempt to bathe or shower. My husband is embarrassed and has admitted that her mother may not be a great role model in this area. Our relationship with mum is tentative so we don't feel we could raise the subject without verbal consequences. Any suggestions team Gran ??