Do you love your grandchildren as much or more than your own children?

I too was overwhelmed with love when my first DGS was born. He was a delightful little boy. Now he is nearly 13 I still have that same unconditional love for him. Then along came my DGD - again I was consumed with love. However my DD fell pregnant almost immediately and along come DGS2. He wasn't planned and I think my DD was considering not going through with a third pregnancy but she'd already told her OH and the deal was sealed (so to speak). To be honest I have never really taken to this third child. She had a terrible time giving birth as he was really big and his shoulders became stuck. I cant help thinking that the family dynamics would have been so different had she just stuck with the 2 children. Third child is really needy and clearly his Mother's favourite and I see that as making my eldest DGS's life difficult. I know I shouldn't but I feel some resentment to this third child although I would never show it. I shouldn't have favourites but I do.

It is definitely a different kind of love that you have for your grandchildren. They are not so much your responsibility (only when you have them in your sole care obviously from time to time). You can have an input into how they grow, etc but their future is mapped out by their parents, as it should be.

Even though you love them it doesn’t always follow that you like them!

Willa

That’s quite shocking in a ten year old, no wonder you’re shaken.

Over the holidays, my ten year old granddaughter behaved horridly towards my DD, so this thread has hit a cord. She yelled at her mother "Shut up, you F...ing B"! My automatic response was to defend my daughter vehemently which I did, and GD told me to 'shut up'. I had to restrain myself from getting angrier (and physical). GD was sent to her room and spent the next hour presumably sulking while listening to loud music. I was livid...no child of mine would have ever spoken to me that way and the punishment would have been commensurate. My daughter is married to a verbally abusive man, so I'm guessing this is where it all comes from.

So to answer the question.... Do I love my grandchildren more than my own children? I love them all differently as many here pointed out and there's enough love to go 'round. No doubt, I jumped in support of my daughter because my GD behaved so badly. You can be angry with someone, even a child..... but that doesn't mean you stop loving them. She later apologized to both me and my daughter and was truly remorseful. Nonetheless, I'm still shaken up over this.

Having carried and breastfed all my children, there is a bond with them that cannot be felt with my grandchildren. I do really love my grandchildren, but not as much as I love my own children.

I love my children and my grandchildren but I don’t always like them. Now, my grandson’s dog.....who stays here most weekends......I love him to bits all the time!

I thought there was no love like the love of a child.... then I had grandchildren and I’ve been overwhelmed with love ...albeit slightly different, I think. It’s very confusing isn’t it. I wonder if I ever was able to hold a great-grandchild it would get stronger still? I hope I live to find out , although I think it’s the childminding... the school concerts... the outings.... the totally unconditional love they give me that’s the reason. Also I think we have more time to ENJOY our grandkids.

hands hands on

I think it's "a one step back sort of love", most granddparents are not as involved as they were as a parent, except for grandparents who become, for whatever reason, the main carer, then I perceive you would be reliving the heightened experience of the parent/child relationship that comes with being hands and the day to day involvement of highs and lows and worries of course.

I love my two children more, but dgc are a very close 2nd.Do you love your ddil and sil's? I most certainly do love my dil's, I couldn't imagine them not being around now, they've enriched my life as I haven't any daughters, but also their my dgc mothers I wonder if that makes it more special?

At risk of being hung drawn and quartered,I must say I love my children and Grandchildren, but, wait for it, I love my sons two boys more than my daughters two girls, simply because of the parental influence on them.My Grandsons dont have the advantages of my Granddaughters, who are spoilt, get everything they point at, my Grandsons dont have much and dont get much but are such lovely boys, they dont expect anything, my heart goes out to them at times,I think they are happier than the girls, they are all teenagers ranging from fifteen to twenty.They all get the same value Christmas presents the same value for Birthday presents, I dont make any difference, but inside, my love is stronger for the boys.

I love my 2 gc but don't see them very often as they live far away from me, so about 4 times each year. I have 3 children and love them more than my dgc. Two of my adult children still live at home and do not have children of their own yet. I think I would love dgc more if I saw them more often so we could be more bonded.

‘This’ should be at the end of my previous post sorry! Missed that somehow ?

I posted a similar thread on here a few years ago. When my granddaughter was born, although she was lovely and cute, I just wasn’t ‘feeling it’? Whether it was because she was my son’s (as opposed to a daughters baby) or whether it was the distance (they live about 80 miles away) or what, I don’t know? I felt really bad, especially as other grandparents were gushing about their grandchildren. However, after about a year, she grew on me. She’s now 6. Yes, I love her to bits, but she’s not my whole world. My 3 big sons are. So it must be a different sort of love?? GD now has a little brother who is 3 and I’ve felt the same about him. My heart melts when they run up to me and shout “nanny!” But it’s still different. I felt guilty for years about this but it’s reassuring that I’m not alone feeling like

My daughters come first, they were here first.

Children first, last and always

I love our children most because they changed my life and gave it so much purpose and made us very happy. Having grandchildren has been a bonus.

I’ve been turning this over in my head and thinking about how I would feel if my parents had loved my children more than they loved me. Pretty devastated, tbh! I’d feel as though I was merely the vessel that had provided them with the people they truly loved. Food for thought.

I have 2 GC and I've found it fascinating to see how 2 children, raised in exactly the same way, are so completely different. GD (aged 7) is a sweet sensitive soul, easily upset and unsure of herself despite constant praise and encouragement. It's like handling fine bone china with her sometimes . GS (aged 3) is loud, confident and carefree; very little upsets his apple cart.

I love them both very much indeed; but if I was forced to choose them over my own DC, I would have to decline.

I didn’t ever long for grandchildren as some of my friends did, my children are very spaced out, so my youngest was only nine when her niece was born, she always adored her young auntie, which I think somehow prevented the normal granny relationship developing, I was still mummy, didn’t really feel like granny.

As the years, twenty of them have passed, I’ve enjoyed my role more, and I think gotten better at it.

I adore my grandson. I am the best person I can be with him.

Given that I wanted a daughter (got one, only child) and wanted a granddaughter but got a grandson instead, it's ironic. He is all the things I didn't like about boys (loud, noisy, boisterous) but he's changed me. I think he's perfect.

You don't say the age of GD but surely you don't stop loving them because they are pains. I would get to the bottom of why she is so rude? Take her aside or even take her out. But why isn't your daughter stepping in otherwise she will do it all the more.
I gather you love her but don't really like her at the moment.

One is great, one is a pain but we still stick up for them, I suppose that is love.

Lucywinter good point possibly that why I feel the way I do. It will be interesting when and if we are lucky enough to see our DGGC!

Granygranby, you have my feelings in a nutshell. My grandchildren are lovely and have been brought up strictly,too much sometimes, but I have not had a chance to form any sort of bond with them. I love, admire and adore my son.