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How attitudes have changed towards women?

(159 Posts)
Grammaretto Fri 03-Jan-20 11:33:40

Thinking back over my life I have experienced plenty of changing attitudes and expectations. For the most part I would say things are better for women than they were 40 or 50 years ago.
My examples are:
from 1970:
On trying to set up a creche at the college I attended
" Even if there was any interest, it would be for our staff - not our students but there is no call for such a thing!"
The college subsequently opened a creche which was very well used but not in time for me.
1980
I offered to drive some female friends and one asked me" "Does your husband let you have the car?"
1990
I was teaching and organised a creche at work, which was taken for granted by the users. I suppose I felt a mix of pleasure but also envy that they had not had to fight!
than ever before.

What experiences can you share of things worse or better now?

Paperbackwriter Sat 04-Jan-20 22:35:05

Barmeyoldbat I had same experience with coil in 1975. I'd had one before I was married, no problem, but when I need to have it changed for a new one a year or two after I was married I was told I'd need my husband's consent at the FPA clinic. I said a polite equivalent of Fuck That, we all agreed it was a stupid requirement and it was duly changed.

oodles Sat 04-Jan-20 21:40:28

I wasn't allowed to do a first aid course for the office because I might get pregnant and leave, despite men in the office leaving to take up new jobs. I know several elderly ladies who never learnt to drive as their husbands would not let them. And yes, marital rape being legal

Audun Sat 04-Jan-20 20:27:01

In 1982 my father died, and wished my share of his and my mother’s legacy to go to a student flat in my name, for the children. I was advised to take out a small mortgage, was not allowed to borrow though I had the cash, without husband’s permission and signature. Things were so weighted against women.

joannapiano Sat 04-Jan-20 19:56:48

I was stopped at our shopping centre last week by a young chap promoting his energy company. He asked me who we were with, and to fob him off I replied, “I don’t know.”
He then pointed to DH and asked if he was the one who
dealt with things like that! I was taken aback and just said No, but thinking about it later I should have really tackled him about his assumption. On the whole, though, I think things have mostly changed for the better. We had no money growing up in a poor area of London, but my mum, a secretary, didn’t dream of continuing to work once she married. My Dad handed her a set amount of his wage packet each week, and pocketed the rest. It mostly went on buying drinks every night for him and his friends.

Shizam Sat 04-Jan-20 19:52:25

House I lodged in late 70s: husband and wife on verge of splitting up. One night he raped her. She told me next day. But nothing could be done as was not illegal then. Took to I think the 90s for law to change. Just shocking.

mokryna Sat 04-Jan-20 19:34:46

2015 ladies! I wanted to buy a car with a certain engine capacity, which I felt I needed to drive from Paris to the north of England. Renault, Peugeot and a Japanese firm told me that I didn’t need “power” and when I asked to test drive cars they wouldn’t provide the car I wanted as they thought I was asking too much. I love the vw polo I eventually bought. However I feel annoyed when they mail me addressed as monsieur. When I complained to a man he couldn’t understand the problem even though I asked him if he would like to be addressed as madame.

dizzyblonde Sat 04-Jan-20 19:34:44

I still encounter lots of sexism at work, patients address questions to my non clinical male colleague, check with him if I give them medication and express surprise that I can drive such a big vehicle as an ambulance.
To be fair my colleague always replies ‘ask her, she’s the boss’ but it does get a bit wearing. It’s not an age issue either as it’s all ages who do it.
When I hired a van recently the young chap was most insistent I put my husband on the insurance as ‘they’re quite difficult to drive you know, Madam and you might struggle to park it’. I didn’t insure him and coped just fine.

Grammaretto Sat 04-Jan-20 19:23:54

You have got a point Hettymaud but I think that women have far more choice than before. Whether that's a good thing is still questionable.

purplepatch I used to drop DH off at his work in the mornings before having the use of the only car for the rest of the day so maybe some of those chauffeurs were like me?

DM told me that her evil MiL (my dear Granny) used to take the extra rations meant for DM when she was pregnant, for her son, DF because he was a man and needed the extra!
DM said she told her she was robbing from her unborn DGC but not sure if the older lady understood.

pat9 Sat 04-Jan-20 19:17:21

Some years ago when my husband insured our (2) cars he was asked which was his and which was mine. She couldn't understand that we both used both cars. We just used the most accessible one at the time.

Gillingham60 Sat 04-Jan-20 19:15:45

So many of these posts are so familiar particularly regarding employment, I too worked in a bank when I left school in the mid 1970s.
However something I recall was more family related. One of my cousins was very unexpectedly and sadly widowed in her late thirties. She subsequently entered into a relationship with a new man who was actually known to our family. He had recently been through an acrimonious divorce. He moved into her house and they lived quite happily for many years until his death. But I can clearly remember my mum and her sisters being very uncomfortable about their domestic arrangements in that they were never married and were to all intents and purposes living in sin. My DDs are quite incredulous when I tell them this. They can hardly believe that anyone would even care. But they did, and it was always the woman who was 'no better than she should be.'

SirChenjin Sat 04-Jan-20 19:09:33

grin

So let’s get this straight - you’d rather die in a house fire than be rescued by a professional (female) fire fighter who undergoes the same training as a man, has passed all the entry requirements and is deemed to be as equally capable as her male colleagues by her superiors? Really??!

HettyMaud Sat 04-Jan-20 19:02:00

When we had a joint of meat on Sundays in the 1950s my father had the best bit of the meat and then my mother and I could have the other bits. My father could not cook anything and never tried. On the other hand, he worked full-time and Mum didn't work. Now I think things have perhaps gone too far the other way. I don't think women should go back to work after having a baby for a few years unless there is a family member to look after the baby. But that's just my opinion. Also I think some women have tried to be like men doing some physical jobs and it's impossible unless they are as big and as strong as men. For example I wouldn't want to be rescued from a fire by a woman fire fighter trying to carry me down a ladder.

quizqueen Sat 04-Jan-20 18:59:56

When I was applying for my first mortgage with my bank Nat West (1976), on getting married - my future husband was still a student- the guy who interviewed us said, 'What happens if you get pregnant?' I just stood up and walked out, went straight over the road to the West Bromwich Building Society and they didn't bat an eyelid and granted it straight away on my teaching salary.

Sleepygran Sat 04-Jan-20 18:48:02

I recall going to the family planning clinic in the early 70s,asked if I wS married and when I said no the receptionist told me to tell the dr I was engaged to be married!
Also when we went for a mortgage my earnings wouldn't be taken into account because I'd get pregnant as soon as we married.I didn't.It took a few years!
I would never meet my boyfriend( now husband) inside the pub as my parents would have had a fit,only prositutes went into a pub alone!
I could tell many more tales.
Things have improved but there's still a long way to go.

ginamat Sat 04-Jan-20 18:27:53

In the 1990's my husband retired due to ill health so we decided we needed a joint account. I had an account with Nat West for years before as this was how I was paid. When I asked NatWest to add him to my account they put his name first. I was livid and actually still am!

Bamm Sat 04-Jan-20 18:23:20

In 1969 I applied to take a masters degree at a London College and was told at interview that I couldn't have a place because I was married and might have a baby !

SirChenjin Sat 04-Jan-20 18:18:07

Another one from my MIL (who is the dubious gift who keeps on giving) is that DH is the head of the household and we (as in me and the DC) should all pay him the respect he is due. I did point out that he and I are joint heads of the household but I think it fell on deaf ears.

Caro57 Sat 04-Jan-20 17:41:54

1980s - when i visited my parents without my, then, husband they always thanked him for letting me come to see them aaaargh!!!!

purplepatch Sat 04-Jan-20 17:22:39

Oh, and another one. I had a male secretary for a couple of years in the 1990s. We lost count of the times that on first meeting everyone i.e. men and women would assume I was the secretary and he was the boss, even though I was in my 50s and he was just out of college. Mind you, we had some fun with those assumptions.

purplepatch Sat 04-Jan-20 17:20:20

Some banks were enlightened. I married in 1966 and my late DH and I decided to change my account into a joint one as the terms were better than the bank he was at. The bank simply added his name to mine and we became Mrs (initial) purplepatch and Mr (initial) purplepatch. I am still with the same bank 53 years later even though they have gone through a merger since then. Englightenment should be rewarded!

On the down side..I used to commute into London for work from 1986 until the late 90s. It was routine to see a husband drive up to the station with his wife in the passenger seat. He would go into the station, she would get in the driving seat and drive off. In the evening she would drive up to the station, switch to the passenger seat and he would get in and drive. There were several couples like that. I used to think FFS really?

Elegran Sat 04-Jan-20 17:11:54

A friend with many letters after her name headed up a team researching into pain pathways. They were being filmed for s TV programme on the research. Her arm was the most photogenic and least hairy on the (mostly male) team, so it was used for the close-up shots of needles being stuck in and sensory measurements being taken.

Then there was a break for refreshments before the main interviews. The blokes were shepherded off for posh nosh with the high-heid-yins. She was given mugs of coffee with the girl minions, and asked what these clever chaps were like to work for.

Tedber Sat 04-Jan-20 17:06:56

Interesting Post!

I started work in 1972 at the Halifax Building Society. At the time when a woman got married, they were forced to 'resign' and apply for their job again as a married woman!!!! Can't Adam and Eve it! 1972! and I think it went on for a few years after that!!! Bahaha....imagine that happening now?

Also remember a very old pub which was 'men' only! long into the seventies. Actually revisited said pub recently and got talking to some old stalwarts who remembered this. In actual fact the pub still didn't have dedicated women's toilets!! They had to go upstairs to the owners flat!!! I laughed so much.

GoldenAge Sat 04-Jan-20 17:05:49

Sex education in schools at a younger age has made huge differences in as much as boys now appreciate that girls have periods and the embarrassment we felt 60 years ago seems to be very much diminished. As an example, my 12 year old granddaughter began her periods last summer and it was my 10 year old grandson who told me the news minutes before she was able to - her response after he had stolen her thunder was "yes, and you'd better watch out because now I've got more hormones, I might become irritable" - I laughed and thought to myself that I could never have encountered that scenario in my day. Change for women is always going to be gradual because we are still in a paternalistic society. What will be interesting however, is how women continue to fare when Brexit arrives because the first casualties in any form of belt-tightening are always women.

Framilode Sat 04-Jan-20 16:48:26

Not having my earnings taken into account as 'I would probably be pregnant soon' when we were applying for our first mortgage.

Things are so much better now. On the other hand my daughter told me this recently. Her firm were having their annual assessment day for the lawyers in the firm who had applied to become partners. She was one of the assessors and had arrived early and was looking through some papers. Another male lawyer arrived from another city and took a look at her and said 'Go and make us a cup of tea love, I've had a long journey'. She said his face was a picture when the day started and she made her way to the front. Because she was female he automatically assumed she was a secretary.

JeannieB44 Sat 04-Jan-20 16:47:34

When we bought our first house in 1976 my signature had to be witnessed because I was a woman.