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How attitudes have changed towards women?

(159 Posts)
Grammaretto Fri 03-Jan-20 11:33:40

Thinking back over my life I have experienced plenty of changing attitudes and expectations. For the most part I would say things are better for women than they were 40 or 50 years ago.
My examples are:
from 1970:
On trying to set up a creche at the college I attended
" Even if there was any interest, it would be for our staff - not our students but there is no call for such a thing!"
The college subsequently opened a creche which was very well used but not in time for me.
1980
I offered to drive some female friends and one asked me" "Does your husband let you have the car?"
1990
I was teaching and organised a creche at work, which was taken for granted by the users. I suppose I felt a mix of pleasure but also envy that they had not had to fight!
than ever before.

What experiences can you share of things worse or better now?

okimherenow Sat 04-Jan-20 11:25:46

My first teaching job had a strict dress code no trousers.
This changed in the 70s when we were very graciously allowed to wear a "nice trouser suit"..

trisher Sat 04-Jan-20 11:39:54

You were lucky okimerenow when I was doing some supply teaching in 1975 I went into the school in a trouser suit one day (it was a very nice dark blue one) and the deputy head was very worried because the head didn't let staff wear trousers. There was a long discussion and the head decided that instead of sending me home I could sit in the staff room and take groups whlst she supervised the class but she would not allow trousers in the classroom.
When we were sent out on teaching practice we were inspected to make sure our skirts weren't too short and given all sorts of warnings about what not to do, like not sit down in the staff room until everyone was in. One head refused someone as a student because her make up was too strong "and she frightened the children"!!!

Annanan Sat 04-Jan-20 11:42:33

I had to pretend I was engaged and had a date for my wedding.

aonk Sat 04-Jan-20 12:27:57

A few months ago I had an eye test in my local branch of Vision Express. I stayed on to look at new frames. I told the manager that I liked a particular pair. He said “ yes they do suit you but I don’t expect you’ll decide today as Mr K isn’t here.” I immediately ordered the frames and paid in full! Later my DH said that he was a good salesman!

nipsmum Sat 04-Jan-20 12:57:16

I was told by the Matron in the local cottage hospital that she couldn't give me a job because my husband worked in the oil industry and as I was new in the town there was no one to look after my children if they had to be sent home from school. My daughters were 13 and 9.in 1989 I got a job in the local nursing home instead and never had to miss work because my children were I'll. I also had a boss in 1997 that told me he had to pay a male staff nurse more than the female staff nurses because he had a wife and children. The females were all keeping husbands and homes with children. Hopefully that has changed now with the equality act.

SirChenjin Sat 04-Jan-20 13:08:57

I remember my mum telling me how impressed she was with my “man’s salary” shock. I had to tell her that NHS salary scales didn’t differentiate on the grounds of sex.

BlueSky Sat 04-Jan-20 13:17:57

While on holiday somewhere I walked into a shop to admire an item. The saleswoman promptly remarked:" Get your husband to come in with his cheque book and buy it for you!" To which I replied: " I've got my own cheque book thanks and I can buy it myself if I want to!" And no I didn't bother!

GrannySomerset Sat 04-Jan-20 13:25:38

Before getting married in 1962 I went to the local family planning clinic to get kitted out. At just 20, I certainly didn’t want a honeymoon baby and in those days the risks of sex before marriage were all too obvious. I had to produce evidence in the form of the engagement announcement in The Times and a (printed) wedding invitations before I was treated! I don’t know how you fared if you didn’t have a printed engagement announcement and/or a properly printed invitation - and presumably most people didn’t.

bunny17 Sat 04-Jan-20 13:32:15

As a kid I needed a loo and we were at a pub...my younger brother was able to use ththe gents as it was just inside the door but as they would need me to walk through the pub to get to the ladies, I had to go in the bushes...

Daisymae Sat 04-Jan-20 13:46:38

I do remember in the early days of my mortgage the building society calculated the loan as something like triple the husband's earnings and one and half times the wife. I don't suppose they would have countanced the idea of couples who were not married. When employers were not able to specify the sex of a prospective employee any longer they would get around it by saying that they wanted a 'bubbly' receptionist etc.

Grammaretto Sat 04-Jan-20 13:48:54

Some of these stories sound archaic but not everything is so advanced.
It hasn't been very long since baby-changing facilities were only in the Ladies even at busy motorway services. Men are left stranded with a smelly baby.

It's often women who are the culprits, not always the men.
My friend who became the first senior police chief, in * found the male fellow officers were far more supportive than the women who were jealous perhaps.
Come on sisters, unite!! wink

CanadianGran Sat 04-Jan-20 13:49:11

I think this is worthy reading for those on Mumsnet.

In the 80's I applied for a points reward card on my Sears account. After around a year or so, my hubby wondered why he didn't also have a card, so I went and asked for him to be put on the account as well. We received new cards in the mail, and suddenly my name changed from Michelle D to Mrs Rod D! When I called to complain, they said only Mr. D. could make any changes to the account since he was marked as the main account holder.

This still infuriates me!

jacq10 Sat 04-Jan-20 13:52:46

In 1969 the civil service department I worked for meant I had to resign on marriage and then be re-employed in my married name (if the head of department wanted me to stay). I was lucky to be re-employed I suppose and as a bonus I got a "dowry" (a word you don't hear these days) - can't remember how much but every little helped back then. I stayed there until six months pregnant with first child and then stopped working which was the norm back then.

Rosina Sat 04-Jan-20 13:55:22

We took it in turns to make tea in our 100% female office back in the 70's; when a man joined us and refused to make it - he didn't get any!

When I tried to buy a washing machine the (male) assistant said that he would have to make a 'little phone call' to my husband to see if he would let me sign an HP agreement. I was so annoyed - particularly as I earned the same level of salary - and told him haughtily that I would be paying the full amount with my own cheque. I had wanted to buy it on instalments but - how very dare he!

grandtanteJE65 Sat 04-Jan-20 14:14:56

Until around 1970, pessaries, coils or the pill were only available to married women in many countries. Doctors could refuse to discuss birth control even with married women if they disliked family planning for religious or other reasons.

I doubt that abortion was legal anywhere before 1970.

A man could have his child included in his passport in Great Britain without his wife's consent, but a woman had to have the passport form signed by her husband if she had a child added to her passport. My father found this ridiculous in 1958 when my mother and I went to visit my maternal grandmother without him, but he had to sign the form.

Any married woman going into hospital for an operation needed her husband's signature before the procedure could be carried out - not sure when that law was changed.

Girls were not allowed to whistle when I was a child in Scotland in the 1950s and 1960s "A whistling woman and a crowing hen is neither good for God or men". A schoolfriend of mine was told by her mother that Our Blessed Lady weeps when a girl whistles.

Both my grandmothers disapproved of girls and women in slacks. We and my mother wore skirts or dresses when visiting or being visited.

jura2 Sat 04-Jan-20 14:26:17

Grammaretto ''Did you choose that uni? Jura?
I hope not and told them why.''

yes I did, because as a mum of 2 children, I had to go to my local one. I asked to see the Lecturer in question, and told her quietly and calmly how her comment upset me. She was mortified and apologised profusely- and said she was trying to protect me, as all the mature students married with young children, on the course in the last few year- had husbands who made their lives a misery, would not support them and ended up in divorce during the course.

I accepted her apology- but told her she should have been clearer. She was great on the course and we got on very well.

I remember being stopped by a Market Researcher in the street who asked if she could do a short interview. I agreed. First question 'who is the Head of household in your family' - my reply 'no-one'. She asked if I worked, so I replied that I was a SAHM. Asked if OH worked and I replied 'yes'. She said, so he is the Head of Household then, I will put that. I said 'NO we both are, jointly, as partners'. Her reply 'ah but he is the Head of houselhold'. Replied 'NO' and walked off.

GrandmasueUK Sat 04-Jan-20 14:35:57

In 1994 our new male headteacher said he didn't want the (all) female staff to wear trousers to work.

Four years later I was teaching part-time and applied for a full-time post. I asked him if they were looking to employ a male teacher (I just got that impression) and he said yes, so I withdrew my application and never questioned it! A male teacher was subsequently appointed.

sarahellenwhitney Sat 04-Jan-20 14:36:12

I had an uncle who never managed to get into the twentieth century apart from accepting women had votes.Whenever we visited my aunt, uncle would bring out a bottle of sherry asking DH is it ok for your wife to have a glass?' This kind of attitude still unfortunately exists having had experience when visited by a building contactor wanting to speak to 'your husband' ? before taking on any house repairs.I said H was abroad refusing to enlighten him of late H' and would contact builder at a more appropriate time.Needless to say I would not give any one business with that attitude.

DotMH1901 Sat 04-Jan-20 14:52:08

I remember going for our first mortgage - the advisor spoke almost exclusively to my husband - my wages were not taken into account as I would 'be giving up my job to have a baby' - in fact, I think that apart from greeting me when we arrived and shaking hands when we left he didn't really speak to me at all!

Elegran Sat 04-Jan-20 14:52:30

Daisymae When we bought our first house (1963) the mortgage societies wold lend two and a half times the husband's salary, nothing on the wife's. One result of that, incidentally, was that most first buyers could only afford to buy cheap houses, so "starter homes" stayed low-price. Once wives' salaries could be added in, they could bid higher, so prices rose to match. That was the start of the spiral.

Elegran Sat 04-Jan-20 15:02:35

grandtante In 1967, when abortion was being legalised in the UK, I came across a table of the abortion rates in different countries. Among the "10 per 100,000 live births" kind of figures (I can't remember the actual numbers) and the claims of "Zero!!!!" by some virtuous or very blinkered countries, there was the figure for the Soviet Union of ^"6 per live birth"* In other words, a Russian woman with two children would, on average, have 12 abortions over her child-bearing life. I don't know whether that was legally or illegally, but these were presented as official figures.

Saggi Sat 04-Jan-20 15:10:31

Hahaha MerylStreep....that’s exactly what I did.... I’d had a daughter in 1977...a miscarriage in Jan 78....a second in July ‘79...and my son was born in 1980. I asked then for sterilisation as I was using ‘the pill’ and had already had a minor stroke !! They said only if I could get my husband to agree. I took the paper home and faked his signature on the form . Didn’t even tell him I needed consent...did the same for first bank account as he definitely didn’t want me to have one of those.

Maggiemaybe Sat 04-Jan-20 15:12:26

So many of these posts bring back memories!

When I worked for a major exporting company as a translator/interpreter, a visiting customer commented on how clever my six male colleagues were, knowing different languages. “They’ll have you speaking foreign next”, he smirked. shock

On the plus side, my DD1 was born in 1980, and was about 6 when she asked if men were allowed to be Prime Minister.

Grannyhall29 Sat 04-Jan-20 15:20:14

I remember my parents wanting a downstairs toilet fitted so that my grandfather could come and stay when he was getting to the end of his life in the 80's, Mam always dealt with the finances so arranged a plumber for a quote one afternoon when Dad was at work, the plumber wouldn't give a quote unless my Dad was there in case Mam didn't have "his permission to don the work", needless to say he didn't get the job

sunseeker Sat 04-Jan-20 16:02:26

I lost track of the number of times I was asked when I planned to start a family.

I was once asked to sew on a button which had come off my employers shirt (told him in no uncertain terms where he could stick the button)

One day DH arrived home with a friend, when DH said he was making coffee and did I want one his friend expressed surprise that DH hadn't asked me to make it! (DH replied that I was his wife not his servant).