I am worried about my grandson

Would you just sit back and say "oh well, I am hearing this, that and other but its probably lies anyway so will ignore it all" Wouldn't a part of you be concerned enough to want to find out for sure?

Did you read my post? I said that I completely understand the OP's concern for her grandson. I just think that she is going the wrong way about making things better, is all.

Thank you, Hithere.

Doodledog,

You nailed it

I wish the OP would come back, but wouldn't be surprised if they didnt.

I'm not entirely sure who the mother is. Is she the OP's DD? or her DS's ex partner?

I would be alarmed if a strange man came into my DGS life and started swearing at him.
I would alert the responsible person about your fears so they can at least refute them or share worries with you.
What this new couple do with each-other is none of your business but "step" parents suddenly in the picture, behaving badly is a bad sign.

It is your grandson's father who needs to take action here so pass on the information to him, keep records of any real proof of information you have and talk to your grandson ,when you are able to see him about the correct way to behave to be considered a nice person.

I don't think the OP has done anything wrong Doodledog. She has asked for advice that is all.

IF somebody gave me this information about any of my grandchildren, I would worry too. I wouldn't go charging round accusing anyone of anything but it would niggle at me!

Wouldn't it you? Would you just sit back and say "oh well, I am hearing this, that and other but its probably lies anyway so will ignore it all" Wouldn't a part of you be concerned enough to want to find out for sure?

Also I don't think being 'allowed' to date is in question. More the speed at which she has moved a second one in. Obviously we do not know all the facts but as a mother and grandmother, I would have my 'worry' radar alert in this case.

Please let us know how it pans out Stumpy

The OP has cited TWO boyfriends. Two. That hardly constitutes a "revolving door"

Is they boy's father "allowed" to date? (Probably!)

Try to look at this from your DIL's point of view?

You are her estranged MIL, and you are taking the word of other people that her new partner is shouting and swearing at your grandson. Without a context (what constitutes swearing in the eyes of the people whose word you have taken? Is he shouting AT the boy, or talking loudly or exuberantly?) you really don't even know what the accusations are. People on here are passing comment on your DIL's sex drive, and implying that she is not a good mother, all because someone she doesn't speak to has believed gossip and wants to act on it, and you appear to be happy with this. There is no mention of your son, or what responsibility he is taking for the welfare of his own son - just criticism of your DIL's parenting.

Really - maybe you need to look more closely at yourself and your motives. I completely understand concern for your grandson, but I don't think you are going the right way about any of this, I'm afraid.

Stumpy ….it all depends on what you call well balanced. Not always, check out the replies!

The underlying inference to your post is you think she isn't keeping her son (your gs) safe, or even putting him first.
Frankly it doesn't look like she is.
Whatever the situation the poor boy doesn't need a new pseudo Father in his life, whether or not he shouts and/or swears.

What can you do about it....? Encourage his Father to be much more involved.
Try to keep your opinions to yourself, until you really know what is going on.
Then keep records.

Hoping for the best for your gs

It doesn’t sound ideal. Where is your son in this? Is he in the area with regular access?
Your grandson is likely to be confused by changes in his life and, like all children, needing stability. Hoping things get better for the little boy.

Aĺl you can really do is keep in contact with your grandchild and let them know if anyone hurts them they can tell you. Shouting and swearing not good but nothing you can do about it. If new pattner hurt child you could act to protect them. Just keep alert.

Sorry just re read your post and you say your daughter in law has cut you out? So maybe not possible to have him for sleepovers. Maybe your daughter could help? What about dad? Does he have him? Perhaps you can spend more time with your grandson if/when he goes there?

I would worry about both daughter and grandson tbh. Moving someone in a week after previous has left is not a great idea (it infers she is unable to live alone and likely to make bad choices)

Said person yelling at her child in a week - hardly acceptable in most people’s books!

I Probably would not say anything at the moment but keep a closer eye on them to try to find out IF the accusations are correct. Perhaps invite him over for more sleepovers. You can generally get information without obviously interrogating.

The point is the grandson. Is he ok. stumpy is worried about her grandson. stumpy if you get to see your DGS try and find out how he feels and if he is worried then is the time to take some action.
stumpy if I start a thread I usually pop back On a lot to reply to the posters. Are you still with us?

If there is really a concern, the father of the child (I assume your son?) should raise it with the mother of his child.

Rumours and gossip are not good source of information

I agree. But we have to accept people are different.
Mummies shouldn’t be though, imo.

I am horribly behind the times, but I stick to my morals. For God's sake the woman could have waited and put somebody other than herself first.

inkcog we are behind the times. Date sites like Tindr just swipe left or right. They meet up and often sex is sought and expected on the first meet up. Look at that poor 21y old lass in Australia recently who got murdered in that hotel room after (he alleged) consensual rough sex.

A different world.

How high must it be FFS? A week? A new partner? Mmmm. troll in out midst.

I think they should, at least for a while.

I agree inkcog poor boy if his home has a revolving front door.

Yes I think you’re right notanan the other daughter should raise any concerns with her sister directly, not involve her mum.

A high sex drive? er no, the 8 year old is her number one priority

Those two things are not mutually exclusive.

A high sex drive? er no, the 8 year old is her number one priority.

She must have some serious needs if she moves the new one in one week after the other one.

She might . She might be fragile and struggles to be alone so puts uo with bad behaviour from men rather than have no man around.

Or she might just have a high sex drive and has her casual boyfriends stay over frequently

The more you think about it, the more her sister going to you about this casts doubts onto her intentions.

As you are not close to your DD how could you help? So your other DD didnt tell you so you could help the situation. But she did tell you knowing you probably wont have seen the other daughter's point of view.

I think call the dd/aunty's bluff. If its putting her DN what has she done about it? How does she think you can help?

2 weeks might sound swift, but they may have been friends for years, dancing round each other, and finally declared their love!
Or it might be casual and shes just enjoying the sex. Thats okay too.
"Moved in" (via chinese whispers) could mean he is controlling a vulnerable woman.. OR it could mean he (shock! Horror!) stayed the night and was seen going to work from their in the morning!