Boxing Day meal with son and Partner, now say they can't afford it.

Oh for heavens sake.
Wouldn’t you rather they manage their money effectively rather than spend money they don’t have?
Have some empathy, it’s not about you, it’s about them, they are trying to be adult in not going into 2020 financially strapped. You should be proud.
If you can’t afford it, you must do the same. You can’t afford to pay for them, so don’t.
This is about more than it being “your restaurant “.

Most restaurants are just happy you let them know about changes or cancellations. They get a tonne of no shows this time of year.

Another thought has occurred to me, have they had an invitation from others that they'd rather go to and just can't tell you. Do they think you're better off financially than you are. Has this happened before. I'd be honest about your financial position but offer the choice £50 OR meal but not both. Whatever the answer I'm sure you'll be forgiving & upbeat. The restaurant should be told asap if theres two less and will understand esp if you just say its a family emergency no need to share more than that and they wont hold it against you so don't worry what they might think. They'll easily fill the booking but give as much notice as you can its only fair. And enjoy your meal be it two or four. These things are disappointing but are more common than you think.

Pay for them and give a secret Santa gift £5-£10 and a table gift that’s it simples

Claudia, thanks for getting back and updating us. Personally, I celebrate the fact that your on told you - I have known some who would put it on the card and struggle to pay it off.
I also wonder (and I expect you do as well) whether to say next year, that you'd like to do it and make it their Xmas gift.

BBbface??

We always end up paying even if they invite us.

I'd change the reservation to two and leave it at that.

Your son may not want to come, or has had another offer he'd prefer to take up.

I would chill out about it , in the grand scheme of things it’s not that bad, disappointing yes, but you can still enjoy yourselves ,if I read it correctly it was originally only going to be for the two of you.
Agree with others, re the restaurant it goes with the territory.best wishes

People before presents. Ask them - do they still want to come. If they do then pay for it with a smile.

But if you are going to be "iffy" about it, then just don't. The fact you are asking makes me think you will resent it, and that won't make for a pleasant meal for anybody.

If you still want to go out for lunch with them, I would ring and say you are happy to pay their meal in these circumstances,

Otherwise cancel their reservations and give them the presents you intended all along.

I’d cancel the entire thing - as I suspect that you will have a cat’s bum expression on your face throughout the lunch if you do go ahead!

pay for their meal as a christmas treat and use the £50 you was going to give them.

I can’t understand why you are upset with them, I’m sure they are disappointed not to be going for meal , if they have had to pay out more for certain things leading up to this then that could well be why, these things happen, family’s are more important than meals out

Just change reservation to two. I doubt restaurant would be upset. They can always fill places.

I would give them no cash, return one of the gifts (if you have to based on your budget) and treat them to a meal.

At this point, I'd say from here on out "no gifts at christmas" because we shouldn't be put out financially. My family IS well off and all we do is have a secret santa with a budget of 20 dollars. One present has to be bought...that's it. My husband and I don't exchange gifts and my daughter will be getting a few books and a rubber ducky. We all have everything we need! When I was a kid, I was spoilt ROTTEN as I was the first grandkid and I had ten aunts and uncles with no kids....can you imagine?

All those toys ended up in a pile in a play room... I barely touched more than a few at any given time.

We took most of it to charities and the landfill...what a shame...plastic garbage just for me.

Just change the booking to 2 and give him the money as planned for Christmas, if he’s strapped for cash , he’ll prefer that surely? x

Although you say you have calmed down, I reallt dont understand your initial reaction.

Why were you more concerned with bothering a restraunt with a reseevation change than about your AC potentially overstretching themselves financially?

Whats wrong with a plan B? You do the restraunt without them then go to theirs for coffees afterwards etc? Plans can change can they not? Or cancel the booking entirely and all go for a walk then cold buffet at home. Its more than 48hrs away theres plenty of time to change or cancel.

I would rather change plans than overstretch others or myself.

Really, why wasnt your first reaction concern for someone you love who just told you money is tight?

If it were me, I would make sure first that they really did want to join us and were not just using money as an excuse to opt out. Then I would pay, on the understanding that he would do something in return. Not necessarily financial but some other favour.

We have paid for our adult children & husband/partner many times because we want them to join us. If we thought for one minute they were taking the mickey and saying they couldn’t afford to join us( then squandered money on other rubbish) we would not offer again. It’s probably genuine and maybe they need to replace an appliance that has broken or have received a huge utility bill. If you are in a position to treat them-Be kind and you will be repaid in other ways.

Surely the simple answer would have been 'Well I was giving you money for Xmas so if you still want to come you could use that?'
Therefore you are given him the choice to say no and you can change your booking.
It doesn't matter what restaurant it is if bills need to be paid etc...And they might of overspent.

Three weeks before Christmas our car broke down and needed £500 worth of work done. A financial disaster given what Christmas costs. Your son might well have had a similar problem and certainly needs your sympathy.

Why don't you use the £50 present money towards his cost of the meal? Or cancel the restaurant booking and do a home dinner party?

Having been in that situation myself more than once , I can fully understand your son's dilemma.
The thing is, are you more annoyed that you possibly may not be seing your son and his OH or is it just the possible extra cost to you?
Suggest that you call him and either decide to pay for his meal, cancel his booking and go, just the two of you , or cancel the table for all of you all( they will more than probably be able to re book it, even with a walk in) and invite your son and partner round for tea and ask them to bring a few things towards it - even if it is just a cake.
Not worth getting annoyed - spending time with family is more important!

Well done claudiclaws, /have a lovely meal and a good Christmas.

What sparkling said.
I very much admire your son for having the courage to say he couldn’t afford it - that’s not an easy thing to admit.
I hope you all have a lovely time Claudia.