Who chooses new curtains etc?

Things like new sofas we decide together, ditto carpets and floor coverings, curtains and artwork, beds and headboards.
I leave things like computer/ keyboard and tv and anything similar to him ( as am not fussed about it, and he is enthusiastic about it ?) ditto cars ( I only care about getting from A to B.)
I buy things like towels, sheets, cushions and lamps, lampshades, ornaments and plants, candles etc.
We do decide wallpaper and paint together, and recently spent ages dithering about a bedroom colour before finally agreeing to a certain colour.
Anything in the garden we decide together on.

We agree I make whatever choices I like . Grampy has no vision so can rarely see things in his minds eye and if it makes me happy - he’s happy ?

You've said what I was wondering, annep1.

Spill the beans, threexnanny, please

Are you going to tell threexnanny or am I missing something?

I used to enjoy swapping pictures and ornaments around to see how long before the family noticed. They got their own back on me once - big time!

Esther!

Estger no you don't! ?

Mamacaz your husband sounds like Monica in Friends. I think it's great that you accept it as just how he is.

Over the years, OH and I have even had frequent battles over the tiniest changes to the position of furniture and ornaments.

After I have cleaned, he goes around making sure that things are in exactly the same position, and I do mean exactly.
This means that if I decide to move the ornaments around for a change, they are likely to be back in their original position in no time at all!
If I draw the curtains, he watches me, and I can see his frustration growing if I haven't done it to his satisfaction!

When our sons were still living at home, I must admit that we sometimes turned this into a game - when he was out of the room, we would move our little armchair a couple of inches, or turn an ornament to a slightly different angle, then sit back and see how quickly he noticed and corrected it. It was usually within minutes of re-entering the room.
Mean, but fun!

Not at all, Esther1.

It sounds like your DH is perfectly happy with that, so it works for both of you.

Without really realising it I decide on absolutely everything from curtains to holidays. DH and I merrily discuss all options and I would never choose anything he adamantly disliked, but he tends to nod and agree and pretend to have an active input and I pretend that I value his opinion. Don’t I sound awful!

Sillygrandma I do understand. My daughter was exactly like you. Among other things everything in her marital home had to be white. I'm sure it's great to be yourself again and not be controlled.
I'm not affected to that extent but still I do feel an element of control. And when I stand my ground he makes me feel guilty about it. I'm not sure about after retirement but I do know at work he had admin staff to do all the donkey work, and he made all the decisions and I think still acts that way..
I love him though so I have got to fix this because I'm not happy with it. I do feel controlled and bullied and I do actually panic sometimes when making decisions.
This thread has been very helpful to me and I feel positive now about being more assertive.

Bradfordlass I wonder why they went out of fashion. I used to love hanging my freshly washed net curtains.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sillygrandma5GK How brave of you to get rid of him after all that time.

Good for you. Enjoy the next 20+ years of doing it your way

annep1 Very few people go for net curtains here either but blinds of any kind are way beyond my means and to tell the truth, I rather like seeing the curtains blowing in the sunshine

Bradfordlass I just noticed your photo (on laptop now) Nice pattern.
I like net curtains. No one here has them any longer but I think they're great. Privacy, and you can still see out.

If it's paint then it's a joint decision but always involves lots of match pots. If it's curtains I select and he approves. He spends more time on the sofa than I do so as long as it looks okay I don't bother about whether I would find it comfortable and the same with the TV. Household linen I choose and often he doesn't notice.
Ornaments/ art etc. we usually shop together and buy as a joint anniversary gift and that's often when we are away on holiday.

Your lamp is lovely and shiny, annep, that's why I thought mine needed a polish.
That could take the surface off though, so perhaps I'll just leave it as it is! Perhaps it might appreciate a dust.

When we were newly married in the early 60's, DH's choice of wallpaper would have been overblown cabbage roses ? , so from then on, I have chosen the decor. He has never said he doesn't like anything.
A couple of years ago when we needed a couple of new sofas, we both had an equal input, like Goldilocks trying them all out.

As for TV's etc, I leave it up to him, because if it works I really don't mind.

We choose together and have very similar tastes. I can see it must be difficult if your tastes are very different

I recently bought some much needed new light shades, without consulting DH, quite a rare thing. He likes them, or at least has said nothing negative,
Normally we discuss, I research, we choose together, but some things we get really stuck on, not because we disagree, but because we can’t find a solution.
Recently he has started buying all sorts of small domestic items we don’t need, tin opener, bathroom scales etc, bought online- why? Seems to have developed a need to buy things.

Callistemon I would notice tbh but I didn't think men would. But everything has to match, hence we have an overload of oak in the sitting room (apart from the mahogany bookcase which must stay).
I don't think I've every polished the lamp. Feather duster flicked over it and along the top. Now I'll have to.........

chrome wouldn't match the floor lamp...

You see, annep, my DH wouldn't notice. We had some nearly new ceiling lights then redecorated the whole room, new suite, curtains etc. The pretty silver ceiling lights just did not go with the room; he thought they were just fine, couldn't see the problem, but I couldn't rest until I bought new brass ones!

I've got that lamp annep but I think mine needs a polish!

If it's a sofa etc we both have to decide on comfort; I'd probably choose the colour and invariably change my mind as soon as it arrives!

It is very strange. When we decide we need something, like a new sofa, he hates all the ones I like and I like all the ones he hates, then we go shopping together and both fall in love with a totally different style. Our last outing was for a preferably leather Ercol style sofa, we ended up both adoring a cloth 50's retro sofa in a very bright colour.

I do envy those who get to choose. Mamacaz frustrating is an understatement.