Messy House

Also Lyndiloo you say if you had to live there a week you would go bonkers. You don’t have to, it’s not your house!

If the bathroom and kitchen are spotless, which as another poster pointed out must be hard to assess if it’s so untidy, then it’s assumed the rest of the house is also clean underneath the mess. The OP chooses to go there for wine nights, so must be happy to drink out of the wine glasses. If that’s how the friend likes it, fair enough. I don’t think it’s polite to suggest clearing up, unless the friend seems unhappy and overwhelmed by it all, which is different, meaning she might like a bit of help.

If your friend reads this , she might clear you out first !
I'm a cleaner and my favourite house to go to is a messy one , the people are interesting , busy and warm hearted - I love it there !

"Untidy people tend to be nicer than very tidy people, less judgemental and uptight, more relaxed and warmer ".

Thankyou for those nice words Grandma70s.

A far cry from BlueBelle's bitter post about me being insulting. If a friend offered/told me about my clutter I'd agree and would be ever so grateful for help now and again as it built up.

If there have to be extremes, very messy is preferable to excessively neat in my opinion. A happy medium would be better still, but mess really doesn’t matter as long as no real dirt is involved. Untidy people tend to be nicer than very tidy people, less judgemental and uptight, more relaxed and warmer.

We re all different and although your way is to be neat as.a pin it’s obviously not her way She sounds a good friend who you are happy to visit regularly for wine nights so you obviously managed to ‘shut your eyes*’ to it for however long you ve been friends so why worry now
You say you love her dearly, so accept her for what she is or make sure you only meet round your neat and tidy house

I hope friends who visit me come to see me and not to criticise my house and for goodness sake don’t follow ellenVannin s advice of offering to help clear up what an insult, this is her way there is nothing in your post to suggest she is tun ragged and doesn’t have time or energy to tidy up its HER house and HER way Leave her alone to live as she is happy living

You sound like a lovely friend. Just keep visiting and enjoying her company. We are all, thank goodness, different.

Well, if your friend is happy, then live and let live. Some houses are like that and honestly whilst no one would like to visit an insanitary hovel, it’s not like that from the sounds of it. Your friend might not appreciate a Marie Kondo book. It’s a bit judgemental to my mind.

I know the feeling ! Over time some of us seem to gain so much " stuff " that it does become overwhelming and as time goes by you just accept there's a mess everywhere and end up not being bothered by it.

I'm sure it would help enormously, if you know the person well enough, to offer a bit of help in starting to clear things that shouldn't be there by asking if there's a " home " for these items, especially on the worktops where they would be easier to work on if they were left tidy.

It doesn't necessarily mean that a place is dirty it might just appear that way especially if space is limited and of course if there are other members in the family too.

I don’t see how the kitchen can be described as “spotless” when all the work surfaces are covered with socks, books etc and the floors covered in bags and boxes. I know people like this, but as you say you don’t have to live there and you don’t know the reasons behind all the clutter. Not your problem at the end of the day. Maybe give her Marie Kondos book for Christmas.