Messy House

Surely it’s down to your friend how she lives, it’s not your house so why concern yourself with it, you say it’s clean so it’s clutter, when you go to her house you say you feel uptight by all the mess, I wonder how she would feel if she knew you were posting about her on a public forum: I go to see my friends to actually see them not their houses,

You are going to see your friend not her house. As long as it is clean and your friend is happy , it no ones business but hers.
I have a lovely friend who has a show home , she loves it. I think its soulless. I say each to their own.

Mess only becomes an issue when it tips into real hoarding, which is now classified as a mental health issue.
And before I get criticised for saying this...it IS a real problem casing immense distress and very concrete practical problems for everyone who comes into the hoarders orbit.
I used to be a district nurse, and I can tell you that trying to treat somebody surrounded by clutter and mess was usually extremely difficult...that is if we even managed to get into the house in the first place!
It’s a massive problem and far more common than most people realise.

This sounds like my friend’s house. I can’t even see her worktops or the top of her dining table. The stairs are covered in stuff. I just pretend it’s perfectly normal to live like that and ignore it. I would never say anything. She’s always perfectly turned out when we go anywhere.

I had a friend like yours Lyndilou, every surface was cluttered, you’d have to move a pile of ironing to sit down, and when she made you a cup of tea, there would be nowhere to put it. If we went around after school, although she didn’t work, breakfast dishes would still be on the table.

I could go on, but as you said, the bathrooms were always clean, and her daughters room was neat as a pin.

Throw into this three dogs and a couple of cats, I used to avoid it whenever I could.

But she was a very kindhearted woman, and a good friend, I just found it really hard to be there.

The point is you don't have to live like this . She invites you out the kindness of heart and you are grand net knocking her home . I would wonder if you were a true friend . If someone says to me excuse the mess , I always say I'm here to visit you not your home . You have a choice you don't have to go to her house .

Unless your friend is Katie Price I wouldn’t worry.

And now I’m talking to myself.........

That was in response to the withdrawn comment.

Blimey, the state of the house seems to have escalated from untidy to a national emergency.

She’s got a few things stored in the downstairs loo and some carrier bags on the floor, she’s not tunnelling her way in through mounds of rubbish piled up to the ceiling.

Staging a little trip and speaking to her gently? The poor woman.

When I worked as, what was then called a ‘home help’ , it was always impressed upon me that I was to do what the client wanted, not what I thought he/she should have. If your friend is comfortable with what you call ‘clutter’ then so be it. By the way, perhaps it’s me your talking about - except for the socks as I never wear them!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I don’t think messy house = comfortable house or tidy house = uncomfortable house as some are suggesting. I find mess and clutter uncomfortable. We have friends where you find it difficult to find anywhere to sit as there are piles of music, bags of fabric, knitting, books,clothes, shoes on every surface. They always invite us round for a drink at Christmas so the clutter is added to by Christmas decorations. We always wonder whether anything has moved since the previous year. I find it extremely uncomfortable.

Yes seems that way Petra I don't hoard things or have a lot of clutter but with three dogs and a cat its a full time job keeping the house clean.
I must admit to falling into Lyndiloo's camp, all that clutter would drive me mad.

I have plenty of ‘stuff’ but no ‘clutter’. I think of clutter as piles of things lying about everywhere ( in the wrong place.)
I can visit someone who has this untidy sort of house but would find it hard to stay with them.
Lyndi at least it’s clean!

Don't get me wrong petra. I dream of living in a minimalist house (not a shop window but clear enough to admire the carefully positioned artwork and see where things are) however, try as I may I cannot do it.
I was the same at school. In the 6th form we had studies (imagine that!) A girl next to mine had the most beautifully decorated study, colour coordinated and the walls covered with the photos and posters of her choice. She was a natural designer, whereas mine had piles of books, papers, shoes, food, boxes, knitting, more paper, paint brushes, and somehow there was no space to move. yet I was the artist and she went on to a career in science. Hey ho!

It’s also a question of practicalities isn’t it ? If you live in a mess with stuff all around, HOW on earth do you find anything?

The other thing to remember is that when we are not here, our offspring will have to clear out our houses.

It will be a stressful enough task for them , let alone for those whose parents chose to live in chaos and clutter.

Something for those defending messy homes to think about perhaps?

It's strange that there's a live and let live attitude when it's directed at people who 'like to collect stuff' ? but it's never live and let live when it comes to people who actually like their homes clutter free and tidy ( I do dislike that word) ?

I wouldn't say anything, your friend may not even notice the mess. I always find it is an ongoing battle to keep stuff under control! I had a good tidy out of my wardrobe a month ago, but it doesn't seem much better when I look at it now.

You have a good friendship and that is to be treasured.

It’s always interesting to see how others live isn’t it? Sometimes even the most smartly dressed people can live in chaos at home!

I don’t like clutter around me in my own home- it would irritate me but I don’t comment when I visit a friend with an untidy house.

It just makes me grateful to get home to my calm tidy home though after my visit!

Don't say a word. Accept her how she is.

I've been in places where you're afraid to cough or scared to sit down in case you ruffle the cushions, nice/neat they maybe, but they're certainly not homely comfortable nor friendly.

I have stuff. Not a hoarder. But plenty of stuff.

My friends know I'm not Mrs Tidy

They seem quite happy

It's none of your business.

If you don't like it, don't go round

Your friend sounds happy with the way her house is. Unless you are worried about her becoming an out and out hoarder, I don’t see a problem. Perhaps she’s short of storage space? Our home is never completely tidy - I couldn’t live in a show house. It’s saved from being a proper mess because the mop, water, potatoes and wine are all out of sight down in the very useful cellar.

I'm with EV on this one. I also have an extremely messy house (I hope not too dirty) and love it when someone offers to help tidy. We invite volunteers to stay and do jobs around the house and garden and they often want to start on the kitchen. Then I can't find anything.

I blame DH actually.

I have a Matt cartoon pinned above my desk:
'Einstein had it right- if a cluttered desk means a cluttered mind, an empty desk means only one thing.'

Rejoice in your friend's mind.