How can they do this?

I am so sorry to hear of your situation Luckygirl. It is terrible to be put in this situation when your dh needs the care he is getting in the nursing home you chose so carefully for him.

I have no idea about such funding or how you could get help with it. I was just wondering, however, whether there is some way your own pension could be topped up to help with your own living expenses now that you don't have your husband's pension. You have probably explored all avenues but I just mention this in case you are so focused on your husband's care that you haven't thought of pension top up for yourself.

The letter you received is shocking in tone and the cost of care is frightening. My best wishes

I fully understand your anger upon receiving such a heartless letter at a time when you are dealing with such a serious and sad situation.

If you have the strength to do so, contact the immediate superior of the person who signed that letter and complain about the wording of it. It should be possible to inform people of what they are entitled to without being callous about it.

Not living in the UK, I have no idea what you and your husband are entitled to, nor whether your husband's doctor could possible help you, by writing a stiff letter to the authorities pointing out that moving your husband is just not an option and might actually hasten his death.

Please, do get hold of your bank manager and ask whether there is any possibility of a short-term loan to be paid when your house is actually sold, so that your husband can live his remaining days in tolerable peace and comfort.

I am so sorry you have to put up with this heartless behaviour on the part of civil servants, while you are dealing with so much else.

My advice book a 30 minute appointment with a specialist solicitor in benefits advice. 5 years ago I had a similar issue with my 96 yo Gma. The council were charging wrongly in our case as the initial assessment was flawed.

JenniferE, not helpful. So sorry Lucky, as someone said up thread, take legal advice, you cannot be made to sell your home if you are living in it surely.

To read this is truly heartbreaking Luckygirl. You must be mentally and physically exhausted.
I have no experience of your situation regarding care homes and I'm sorry I have no advise.
I hope you soon find peace of mind.
Lots of love to you. xxxx

Lucky I have no advice, no help to give you at all, as I can see you've been down every avenue - some several times. It's a disgraceful position you find yourself in, and like others here, I am so shocked that this is happening in our country. And as for the letter, well words fail me

I hope and pray that you will find a solution to all this mess soon. In the meantime please know you are always in my thoughts and prayers xxx

I don't know a lot about it but thought it was all 'means' tested? Also thought if there was a spouse living in the home they are not forced to sell it? Who is advising you OP?

I am appalled by the attitude of local councils b.t.w. and am at war with mine as we speak over my deceased mothers house. Won't go into it as not my post but rules and money and opinions do seem to differ greatly from council to council! I can't seem to get any sense out of anyone!

Can they make YOU pay his fees?
If you havent already then get dome legsl advice. Also what about CHC funding?

Callistamon,
You quoted a Pamela in your post at 10.17. Naturally I noticed the name. I can’t see a post from a Pamela on this thread. Not till now anyway. I can’t think you meant me?
What I was going to say to all those who are say that lucky girl can’t be forced to sell her home is: I think that you are right but if she doesn’t then the powers that be can move her husband to a cheaper home. They will say it is her choice!
What a choice!

Lucky girl. All love to you, and , despite his predicament your OH is Luckyboy, because he has you in his corner. Just a suggestion, have you thought of raising the issue on the petition site change.org? A good platform to get views out there and to name and shame .?

I’m sorry but most of the advice you are getting on here is absolutely incorrect and won’t help you at all. I have just been through the exact same thing with my mum. It’s a minefield, exacerbated by the fact that the LA don’t know what they are doing. I was a solicitor before I retired . If you want to talk it through with me , please pm me I will do what I can.

Thank you.

I am absolutely sure that I have pursued all options - I will keep appealing against CHC refusal.

On the house-selling issue, I have two choices: sell or take equity release. If I sell he loses the small LA contribution, but gets back his AA. If I use equity release, there will be interest to pay. The two deficits likely cancel each other out or fall in favour of selling.

A new-build home has just turned up close to all my friends, and this is why I am looking at the selling idea at this point - not an ideal time, but, now that I am living alone, being near my friends will be important and beneficial.

I do, of course, feel pretty daunted by this prospect, but the alternatives are not great either.

My experience in 1993 when my mother had a sudden very severe stroke and was taken to hospital, was a social worker nagging us every day to say she was in a blocked bed, she needed a nursing home and that she couldn't get involved and said "what if your father came in here with a heart attack and needed the bed"? To which I replied "my father died in 1983"!
No one would help me. I did not who to turn to. Finally a nurse passed me in the corridor and whispered the name of a nursing home and said "don't tell anyone I've told you". What a ridiculous situation when you are dealing with the life of a loved one! We had to go through Court of Protection as my mother could no longer speak or write. That took 6 months to release some cash. DSS agreed to pay the fees for the 6 months and the nursing home agreed as long as we paid the full fee after that. We had to sell her home to pay for it. We wanted to let the house out but the solicitor gave us the wrong advice and said we couldn't tie up the asset.
Later when my son became mentally ill aged 19 and no one would listen or help, this time I didn't take it lying down. I became furiously angry. I had to fight for him as he had no one else to speak for him. My husband and I took him to the foyer of the psychiatric hospital and refused to move for 4 hours until they took him in, and eventually they did and he was diagnosed with acute schizophrenia and paranoia. I then wrote a 6 page letter to the head of the local NHS Trust letting them know how I had to fight for anyone to listen to me. I then had a wonderful Dutch social worker call round, the most lovely woman, who later resigned due to pressure of work and went home to Holland.
My advice is get all the advice you can, let everyone know, shout loudly, get cross, refuse to be pushed around. You are the voice for your husband who cannot help himself.

that's horrible. Poor you. Hope you can get it sorted out sensibly.

Sorry, don't know the whole of this dreadful situation you are living with. Are you saying the cost of the home is the LA contribution ie £238 plus the other amount, that is a very big difference in what L A will support normally. Take it you were told about the weekly cost before your DH moved in. Usually, a persons state pension, half of any private pension (half remaining with spouse/partner) and a graded contribution from an individuals savings (if they are jointly held then half used to calculate contribution) but only if the savings are if a certain level. If the standard amount paid for a care home by a LA is £573 the balance after taking away your DH contributions is paid by the LA. If the cost of the home is more than the £573 then a 3rd part top up becomes involved. The £900 top up is horrendous, if correct. You definitely should have been made aware of the cost beforehand assuming you actually chose the home. If you are over 60 and live in your house that will not be part of the financial assessment. From what you say you have experience of the system and will probably be aware of all this. My main concern is why a LA is only paying such a low rate if care in your area costs so much. Also, you will know high costs does not always mean best care. Rather than sell, could you get the L A to apply a deferred payment to your husbands care. They apply a security on your husband's share of the house and is deferred until it is sold which could be when you move at a time of your choice or death. Seek guidance from a solicitor but really the LA should be giving you all the legal information you need.
.

?sending love and care to you Lucky I am not qualified or experienced enough on the financial side of this issue but I do think that right now When you have the insecurity and worries about DH you really need security and a sense of control of your own circumstances so I think staying at home for now in your familiar place would be best would it be possible for you to maybe rent out a room in your home temporarily to raise some income there are often students or professionals looking for that kind of accommodation. One of The most important things I think is to not feel alone; try to imagine that the finances will work out and seek the help and support of a professional. In other cultures their elderly and sick are looked after so well unfortunately our political and social culture doesn’t do that but within all of that I do believe that you will always find that person with a heart of gold who will help

Thank you for all the suggestions - all of which I have already pursued! - except the Daily Mirror. Maybe that is to come!

In my OP I was just sounding off at the insensitivity and lack of humanity in the communications that I am receiving. They are so crass and thoughtless, and take no account of the fact that the recipient might have feelings.

It is a sad indictment on our society that no-one is prepared to get a grip on social and nursing care funding - bad enough in itself, but those administering these systems appear to be devoid of humanity.

You need legal advice about how the LA are working out fees. Book an appointment with citizens advice. Are you share you are getting the right benefits,
The L A are faceless and don’t always apply the rules correctly.
You can’t deal with this on your own. Try age concern too.
Good luck . Don’t pay anything without advice.

New nanny. The financial transactions tax IS NOT on income! It is a device for closing loopholes in the financial market. It may affect those who invest in bonds etc.

Perhaps someone who knows more about taxation could explain it better but I rarely believe “headline” news as it does not tell the whole story. It’s just sound bites, a bit like the infamous bus before the referendum.

Lucky girl, I’m sending you kind thoughts. I can’t imagine how stressed out you must be at such a difficult time. This bullying of vulnerable people is appalling and no such letter should ever be sent.

How I feel for you Luckygirl, dragonfly and I’m sure others. Having suffered at the hands of merciless Social Services Adult “Care” I completely empathise. Like others suggest, resist selling your home. They can only but a charge on half the home which need only be paid when you either you sell it or if not, eventually from the estate. They will hound you mercilessly but stick you your guns after speaking to Age concern or checking this with a solicitor. ?

I think Lucky has an appeal ongoing because Continuing Care was refused. My memory is that its only available to those with 3 months to live. I may be wrong about that but that's the basis on which we got continuing care for my 94 year old mother in law.
The issue of the battle between local authority social work funds and the NHS is the subject of discussion every time we have an election. Johnson said his government would address the problem but it doesn't appear in the manifesto.

Over 40years ago when I started work, the aim was to co-orindate NHS and l.a. funds to put a stop to the rows about social-nursing care. Same old row still on going.

Have you checked if your husband qualifies for NHS Continuing Care? I haven’t followed your posts so no idea how your husband is. You can google it and there is a checklist you could work through to see if your husband fits the criteria. A social worker will help with this. (One was allocated when my DH had a massive stroke and bedridden.

I am so very sorry for what you are going through. I share the anger and frustration of many who have responded.

I'm not sure what you are fighting....if these are the rules? It is basically means tested care isn't it?

The whole area of care is a total nightmare and it is only when you are personally involved you realise how bad things are.

Luckygirl did you read my post at 11.05?
here it is again:
You have no MP.
It is election time.
Make a fuss write to your candidates and the press. Your posting to GN good enough. Email them - make a god awful fuss.
See what the candidates say?
They will bend over backwards. Write to Guardian, DailyMail Mirtor as well as local press. It highlights the problem and the fear of many. It should be in the news now. ‘Cradle to grave’that was the care we expected. It is an election issue they will respond.

Also to add some info from experience. They include your house as asset in the £23k. My mum’s local council (Merton in London) offered the scheme where they would pay full and not claim until house was sold after her death. So there was no pressure to sell.

That still doesn’t answer all your problems. No one was asking my mum to move to a cheaper home. It is Dickensian in its callousness. Get Photo. Do it for everyone. I’m so sorry for your poor husband, there but the grace go all of us. I’m afraid you must fight. I want to see it on the news.

In the Tory manifest it pledges to keep bus passes, winter fuel allowances and the triple lock on pensions @driverann. It is Labour who is planning to tax pensions by introducing a new transaction tax. It has been on TV that a pensioner on £14,000 pa pension would pay an extra £4000 tax pa, under Labour new tax. It is in Labour manifesto in black and white. You need to read it.

www.express.co.uk/news/politics/1209554/Election-news-poll-latest-Labour-Party-Jeremy-Corbyn-pension-policy-Boris-Johnson