Dealing with sexism - If you could go back......

When I was 17 I worked for a national bank's head office in a north of England city. One afternoon, just after the bank had closed to the public and we were cashing up, the bank manager called me to his office on some pretext. Without any preamble, he got up from his desk, shoved his hand up my skirt and his tongue down my throat. I can remember gagging and struggling to get away. He eventually let me go but as I was leaving his office, he slapped by bottom very hard and told me to keep quiet. And I did. It was 1969/1970 and I knew that if I said anything, I'd be told that it was my own fault for wearing a mini skirt. He must be long dead now but I remember his name and his face like it was yesterday.

GagaJo, your story reminded me of the time I went on a date with a guy who arranged music for the Jefferson Airplane. When I wouldn't sleep with him, he left me on a road out in the desert. I'm finding that most women I know have several, if not many, of these stories of near-assault in addition to the actual assault incidents, not to mention the misogynistic and discriminative ones.

Grammaretto , same here, only I was so young and naive (8) that I didn't know what was happening. A park employee told me to go to the back room to get a hockey stick I wanted to check out and then chased me around the room with what I thought was a huge plastic thing hanging out the top of his pants. I'd never seen a grown male's genitalia, not even a picture. I got out but just felt confused and unnerved rather than fearful. I didn't tell my parents until I was 12.

My cousin and I were also approached by a friendly transient in the field next to our house. He asked her to sit on his lap so he could tell us a story, which she did. I think we just thought he was nice, like a grandpa. It's good that these days, for the most part, we make sure our children have the basic knowledge they need to recognize some of these behaviors.

I was sexually assaulted at 17 and almost raped. I escaped because I fought back BUT I didn't even consider reporting it.

And then a year or so later, I spent an evening talking to a bloke at a party, who then told me I was obliged to spend the night with him and wouldn't let me go, so rather than get raped, I did.

When I worked for Lloyds Bank, I was told I couldn't be promoted, because men with families needed the promotions because they supported families.

At work as a teacher, younger, less qualified, less experienced male teachers have continuously been promoted ahead of me. It's ONLY in the last 10 years really that things have changed a bit in that area.

I was very young and very naive when I had my first creepy experience. It was luck rather than design that I managed to escape. When I was asked later what was making me shake with fear, I refused to say. Partly because I didn't have the vocabulary and partly because I thought it was my own fault!

A few years on, another attempted assault, I called the police and reported it. This was to protect any girls who were like my younger self.

I often think I was very lucky and I do think girls today are better equipped to look after themselves. My 13yr old DGD is articulate and thoughtful and hopefully, streetwise.

I honestly don't think I ever experienced any; if I did it clearly made no impression and certainly didn't hold me back.

However....Ageism!

When I got married all the parties we were invited to consisted of the women being ushered into the front room whilst the men went into the kitchen to drink and we had no more contact with them.

How would you have reacted to a group of men raping you or sexually assaulting you?

No because I responded in the way I should have at the time, I've never allowed anyone to get away with touching me inappropriately without telling them what I thought in no uncertain terms. Nothing like an elbow or knee in the bollocks to make a point.

@suziewoozie - Oh, believe me, I'm on it now. It's my passion. I do think however, that we can use our 20-20 hindsight to help young women. They don't have the confidence to do what we know we could/should have done back then.
I'm very proud of young women today,. Despite some older, famous women like Anne Robinson calling them "not robust" etc, I think they are showing great strength in standing up to it. While I think we were strong in our sheer endurance, there's a lot of strength in young women who say "Nope, I'm not putting up with it any more."

OMG. I'd hope we would be all over that now! As the mother of a 20-something young woman, I can't imagine leaving another young women in that situation.

I wish the 19 year old me had gone to town on the female train guard who told me that the men harassing me on a train were “just a bit boozy after being offshore” as she proceeded to leave me on my own with them (they had surrounded me and wouldn’t let me get out of my seat to move to another one).

So many examples actually - it was just one of those things 30/40 years ago. It was all about keeping quiet and not making a scene

I don’t think you should worry at all - that’s past and things were different. Whst matters now is that you are supportive of younger women whenever it’s clear that they are being subject to sexism. That you call out any men you hear being sexist and that you join those of us on GN in calling out the disgraceful sexism on here exhibited by some posters. Don’t look back, join the current fight