Of course we are all the 'product of our upbringing', the influence of our family environment can't be disputed. However, to suggest that our patterns of behaviour and relationships are fixed by those experiences and that we have no agency over our behaviour isn't true.
Genetics play a part. So does self determination. It isn't true that everyone who was abused as a child becomes an abuser. Many many people make the decision they won't repeat the things from their own childhood that were damaging, painful or abusive.
Andrew was in the Navy, my father was a Royal Marine, a military service that some like trisher, would dismiss as 'macho'. My dad wasn't Mr Macho, nor did he repeat his own childhood experience of what used to be called "a good hiding" for misdemeanours. He joined the police force after the war, another 'macho' environment. He never raised a finger and I'm not sure he raised his voice either, to we children. He was gentle, kind and set high standards for us in terms of social responsibility, kindness towards others.