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I agree, their wedding, their guest list.
When my oldest daughter married, she felt strongly that the only people to be invited were people who really meant something to her. Inevitably a few people were a bit put out, but we had a lovely mix of their closest friends, close family friends, and immediate family.
Unless you’ve got a bottomless pit of money, Lizbethann, I would stop right now, and rethink it.
It would seem odd to invite people to a wedding that you had never met! As your sil already is cross with you there's nothing to be lost by not inviting her.
Thank you so much. You have all said what I think. My SiL is such a nightmare that we all tiptoe around her feelings. My two daughters had big weddings so numbers weren't a problem. This one will not be as big and I would hate them to not invite friends because they have to invite family. I think I just needed reassurance that it is the right thing to do. I think I will suggest (any decisions are theirs) that they only invite family members that they have both met. Thank you all. Xx
I agree with those who say that this decision is best made by the bride and groom.
Their wedding so they choose the guests, they invite the people who are important to them and no one else.
I agree with Eleothan your sister in law should not be prioritised because she is difficult.
It's down to your son and his fiancee to choose the guests.
Normally, I would hate to upset a family member but, since your son rarely sees his cousins and does not have a close relationship with them, I think it's OK for them not to be invited. As your sister in law is such a difficult person and seems to make a habit of taking offence, (frankly, I think I might quite welcome another ten-year silence!) I don't think I would prioritise her feelings over that of the two people getting married.
My sister was put out when her three adult children and partners were only invited to the evening do at my son’s wedding. (It was only a smallish day do)
Fast forward to her own childrens’ weddings. The elder son married in Las Vegas, no one invited, younger son not married, and her daughter had a small day do to which we, her only aunt and uncle were not invited, let alone the cousins. But that was their prerogative, no one nowadays should feel obliged to ask heaps of relatives.
Most of the nephews and nieces on my husband’s side never ask any family to their weddings, no fall outs or anything, just don’t see much of them, and TBH, not really bothered.
I totally agree with those responses. At all three of our daughters' wedding - they drew up the guest list themselves and then came to us to ask if there was anyone we particularly wanted to invite. As it happened there was no-one as they had actually invited our closest friends anyway because the girls felt it was our friends that had helped to bring them up. Luckily we did not have any difficult relations. Your SIL cannot be allowed to dictate her nephew's wedding plans. Just NO! If necessary blame the bride (joke).
I agree with GrannyGray,
My daughter is getting married in March and the majority of guests will be her and her fiance's friends.
You can't ask everyone and I have had said to her that it is their wedding day and to choose just immediate family to leave room for their friends, instead of inviting people they have not seen in years.
It is so easy to get carried away in the excitement of the engagement.
My son decided to have their wedding abroad and invite immediate family,mums/dads/best man & bridesmaid then held a family party when they came home it went down very well indeed.
Your DS and nearly DiL should have the wedding THEY want and invute the people THEY want to attend. With lots of love, compromise and a little bit of luck this is the only time they will do this so its THEIR day. And everyone else will just have to put up with it... that is your response to any adverse commens.
Life is too short and weddings too expensive to pander to tantrum throwers!
It is your son and his fiancé's wedding, please do not put any pressure on them to invite family just because they are family.
For the sake of unity and an ongoing good relationship with them both encourage them to have "their wedding their way"
Here is a real hot potato! My DS has just got engaged to the most wonderful girl. We are over the moon. They have started to write their wedding guest list and come up against the usual problem. Who can they leave off?! They are blessed with many wonderful and dear friends that they want to share the day with. But we also have big families. On our side alone there are over 30 siblings, aunts, uncles , cousins. I have two brothers and although we don't see them often ( they live a distance away) we are all close and there are 5 Male cousins and the 6 boys are very close in age and get on so well whenever we do meet up. Of course, now they are grown up, they have wives, girlfriends, fiancees to include. My husbands sister, who lives round the corner, is a lot older and had her children very young, so, although cousins, they are much older than my DS. In fact one has children who are nearer to my DS in age. Two of them live a long way away and we never ever see them. We send Christmas cards and they all came to my daughters weddings. Even when they come to see their mum we never see them. DS has not had an engagement congratulation card off any of them. The two boys are my sons godfathers. I know you will all say "don't invite them. Invite who you want". And that is what I want to say. But the problem is my SiL. Rational, fair argument are not anywhere near her nature. She is like living with an unexploded but ticking bomb, and always has been. She so easily takes offence at the very slightest, usually imaginary thing. Then there are the sulks, the put downs and, worst of all, the silences. The worst one lasted ten years! and covered the deaths of both her parents. It turned out my DH had said "suit yourself "! Apparently no one had ever spoken to her like that in her life!! She is snubbing us at the moment because she would not listen when we asked her to move up the bench at church. It was absolutely nothing, but she stormed off and sat at the back. So the thought of not inviting her children to our DSs wedding is almost impossible even though they are virtual strangers to my son and if all these people come my DS and nearly DiL may not be able to invite all their friends. The wedding will not be local and their friends are scattered all over the country. Any advice please.
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