Ladies who like to be driven to places - why?

A lady I once knew used to do exactly the same thing - but she went further than that, chose her friends by those she could get a cheap holiday with or had relatives that would take her out for meals!
Unfortunately, she had, what they now call "no filter" and often said things to people that were really hurtful.
One year she went on holiday with a "friend" who was able to get her cheap train travel to holidays in the SW of the UK. They came back separately and to this day, the other lady will not say what happened.
Her crowning glory, shall we say was when she was really nasty to someone she had known for years after the friend's niece took her to a family wedding - this woman told her that she should have been invited as well as she was her friend!
Unfortunately, for her, she ran out of people to leach off . The only person that visited her in the home was her nephew that had POA and another woman, fairly new to the area that went to the same church. Sad.

I'd much rather drive than be driven.
I know what I'm doing but some of my friends are very doddery when behind the wheel. DH goes too fast.
Having said that I have had to do 2 speed courses but I think I have learned my lesson now!!
I like driving.

CassieJ I did pass my driving test but that was almost 40 years ago!

I like driving and have driven many miles over the years. I live in a rural area and would be really stuck if I didn't drive. I am also on my own, so if I didn't drive I would be really stuck.

I can never understand why someone passes their driving test to not then drive? I have known many people [ usually women ] do this. Why go to all the expense of learning to drive if you don't intend to use the skill?

My sister no longer drives as she says she hates it and will only go out with her husband.

Has anyone ever said to her that if she is given a lift then perhaps she can reciprocate the next time. Think I would. If there is an issue of why she won't drive then that may be an opportunity for her to say so. All driving schools will offer assessments and of course tuition on areas of concern. Why does she own a car if there is this dependency to have others do the driving. Or is this a person who has been accustomed to be pampered too much.

Some driving instructors will give you a few refresher lessons that would help.

I think m is being selfish unless she pays for petrol/takes turns driving/pays for coffee n cake. But her friends need to say no if they are not happy or accept it if they are.

Margaret sounds quite self centred to me. You mention she thinks you stay with your husband for 'lifts', which is obviously a delusional point of view. As someone else said I am surprised she has any friends! It sounds from what you say she is physically fit so there seems to be no other explanation other than she is selfish. Is this a new trait? Is there any cognitive decline?
You ask about driving. I hate driving apart from locally and my eyesight is not great for night driving. I didn't learn in a city and the thought of not knowing the route and layout brings me out in a sweat so I would avoid it. I would use public transport or as I have a friend who likes to drive join her. I always either pay petrol (if it is a long distance) or buy her coffee/meal. I would feel it totally unfair not to contribute as I am extremely grateful for the lift. There have been instances where I have declined going somewhere if it is difficult to get to and I don't know the others well enough to ask for a lift. I would see it an imposition to do so.

Your 'friend' is a clingy leech by the sound of it!
Can anybody sort of advise me... I have a car and drive anywhere. DH has bought a new one - one he chose and really likes, so I'm pleased. BUT when I tried it there are a few problems. It is big and I feel I can't tell where it ends. And it has lots of 'helpful' control extras that leave me feeling out of control, so I avoid driving it. I know its not a good thing but how do I sort it out?

It's never too late, Saggi. Give it a go. You'll soon find out if it's not for you... but you might love it and be a natural!

I'm still driving regularly and love it just as much as ever.

I’ve been reading all these posts.... they mostly sound promising for something I’ve been considering for a while now. Does anybody think I could learn to drive at age 68... I’m fit .... had my cataract repaired.... and have quick responses , according to my kids. My husbands had to stop driving , and his walking is nearly non existent , his world is shrinking and mine with it! Sorry for the hi-jacking, but what do you think?,

Maybe Margaret has lost confidence in driving and is too proud to say. I have a friend who was a dreadful driver, it was a suicide trip every time she drove, so I am more than happy to do the driving, especially as she pays her way and happily pays for tea and scones. If we go out and alcohol is involved, eg, lunch, then we share a cab or get a bus/train. If you feel that she is taking advantage of you, tell her, or just steer clear.

I have had, and continue to have the same problem. I don’t drink, 2 of my friends do. So it falls to me to be the taxi home as I’m going their way!!
They have, at the beginning, suggested I leave the car, have a wee drink, and share a taxi home with them. But I rarely drink, get very tipsy on one drink, and prefer the convenience of leaving when it suits me and not waiting forever on taxis.
And that is my bug bear.... I don’t have the freedom to choose when I turn up or leave because I’m the taxi!!
They also offered me petrol money, which I don’t want/need.
I have lied, saying I’ll meet them later as I have a previous engagement and they have either not gone to the event or bemoaned the fact that they’ll need to get a taxi!!!
I have also told them before events, that I’ve had a long day/week and would be leaving event early etc
To which they reply. ‘Oh just as we were enjoying ourselves’!
It makes me both furious at their audacity and at myself for feeling guilty of ruining their nights.
I can’t see a way out of this, without stubbornly declining lifts when I’m going to the events anyway
Or
Just not going.

So I put up & shut up

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I have always tried to encourage my driving friends not to let their husbands do all the driving. I know a few who have lost their confidence, then been 'stuck' when their DH died. Likewise I have tried to encourage my non-driving friends to learn, for the same reason. I only learned to drive when almost 50, when family circumstances meant that having two cars was essential (I passed first time, too!)
I was quite happy to drive all over the country. Eventually, due to my DH's ill health, we never travelled far. After he died I wanted to get back to having nice trips, but found that I no longer had the confidence, at 76, to tackle unfamiliar routes. I was OK with the actual driving, but finding my way around complicated junctions panicked me. Now I'm 80 and just use the car for driving in the local area. I hate having to find parking places. I have younger friends who happily offer a lift if we are going further afield, but I always make sure that I redress the balance in some way.
'Margaret' sounds like hard work! Perhaps she has a reason for not wanting to drive, but her expectations are far too high. Not offering to help out with expenses is very cheeky, too.

Driving is a strange one. I did try driving lessons absolutely hated it, happy to go by bus or train. My husband drives and am fascinated by people who think he should be constantly driving me everywhere. To which I reply he is not my chauffeur. I go everywhere by bus or train and happy to do so. Of course he will drive me if needed to go somewhere, but we both have our own interests which Im happy to use public transport. I have known a couple of people who seem able to have people drive them everywhere ( even though they have a bus pass). On one occasion I asked a person why don't you get the bus? They said oh I like to go to the supermarket myself. They live about 3 or 4 stops from the supermarket, but had a friend who drove them there. I hate being dependent on other people. People don't realise if you do not use your local bus service they will take it away. They removed some bus services in my area, but the bus companies insisted no one used these routes and they know who does use them through the ticket machines. An offer of a lift is a lovely gesture in inclement weather, but thats about the only time I really accept one. I agree with another poster, that somehow folk who drive think you have a restricted life if you dont drive. If you have a bus service you can go anywhere. Of course if you have mobility problems thats a different situation.

When I passed my test I loved driving drove everywhere but being in London didn’t really need a car especially when I got married but then the family car became a company car and my first husband drove us. When I eventually got my own car I set of full of confidence and was shocked to find things I found easy like parallel parking we’re not so easy and it knocked my confidence but I carried on driving and so glad I did. It does sound as if something is going on with your friend Especially expecting you to arrange going somewhere nice. I would have a chat with her it seems odd having and running a car and not using it.

Not wanting to drive when they can drive is one thing, but actively using people because they are willing to drive them and abandoning them at the destination is very rude, over on mumsnet she'd be branded a "CF'

Giving up driving would be like chopping my arms off. I’m 74, work part-time and drive 20 miles each way to work. Fortunately all my friends are drivers and we take it in turns to drive places. I think ‘Margaret’ is using people to save her money. Perhaps it should be suggested that she she should ‘drive this time’.

I love driving...I'm 59 and it gives me independence to go & visit friends all over the country. I recently had a knee operation & couldn't drive for 8 weeks & it drove me mad!! I wouldn't however expect people to just drive me unless it was a specific reason

There was a recent survey which showed that elderly women drivers are more likely to have accidents than elderly men. This was because they were unlikely to have enough experience on the road because their husbands were bad passengers and made them feel uncomfortable when driving, hence they were reluctant or gave it up. However, as the men are likely to die first, their widows are left needing to drive but being too nervous and unskilled. And apparently it isn't just the older generation that this applies to, younger couples can have the same problem.

So you ladies who feel discouraged from driving by your spouses, think of your future. Your husband may not die first, he may be ill and unable to drive and you may have to drive him to his medical appointments - as I have to do.

I am a slightly nervous driver but I make myself drive because I know that if I don't do this I will be unable to do it when necessary. For example, between us my husband and I have had 3 hospital appointments this week. My husband is now unable to find the hospital he attends, and couldn't find either the car park or the ward he needs to go to. His driving is good, he simply doesn't recognise where he is.

Use it or lose it, ladies.

I drive, I’m only 66 for goodness sake. I try not to drive at night but otherwise I’m happy to drive anywhere. I’ll happily undertake long journeys with my trusty SatNav. Goodness me, my mother has only just stopped driving and she’s nearly 92. To be fair, she needed to stop this year, but she’s been fine driving locally for years.
Mrsnonsmoker, your ‘friend’ is a selfish user of other people. I’d lose that friend if I were you.

mrsnonsmoker: If, as you say, Margaret literally exploded when your husband drove, then surely that was the end of the problem (and her)? Or did you mean "metaphorically", rather than "literally"?

I think if you invite non drivers to places that are a drive away then dont complain if you are "chauffeur".

People who do drive everywhere dont give their invitation that extra seconds thought re how people will get there though. Driving to them is the default.

Whereas as a non driver, I DO make sure that my venues have parking nearby.

I don’t drive, my eyesight is not good enough but I never expect people to take me places. My husband drives and if he is going somewhere and I need to go somewhere I tag along. So no Mrsnonsmoker I don’t think you are being unreasonable not to understand this friends behaviour