I am just wrecked

Luckygirl my warmest wishes to you and my great admiration for the care you have given so freely for your DH, but now your wellbeing is your priority.

I see your sense of humour has not entirely left the building and I hope you can de-flump very soon. Go and discuss feeling flumped with the GP. They're probably expecting your visit knowing what you're coping with.

The support of family and RL friends and virtual friends who send their good wishes will help. I have no idea how good wishes from total strangers can lift the spirits, I only know from experience that they do. xx

Luckygirl I bet your low mood and fatigue is due to anticlimax. You have been actively coping with difficulties and have got into the habit of coping and now your immediate troubles are over you are confronted with the new ones contingent upon his going to a nursing home.

Your response is as others have said normal and proper for someone who has to learn new emotional responses. You will get there!

Thank you - yes I am definitely flumped. Now I have a proper diagnosis to present to my GP . I am glad that you deflumped and hope for the same. Fingers crossed.

After my husband had been very ill (he's OK now) I realised I'd been holding everything together and when he was well enough it was like I gave myself permission to flump into a small heap. I've deflumped now
Look after yourself and have lie-ins etc

I haven't followed your story but it sounds very long and stressful. Reading through the comments I thought I was the only one who felt it must be like a bereavement until I read paddyann's post. I agree with her.

I don't think you should even try to cope, I think this is a time when all you can do is keep on keeping on. When everything is sorted you may well relapse because fighting for financial help keeps you going but when all is done you may feel your 'loss' even more. That is how I felt after DS died.

Presumably you have asked CAB for advice? I do hope so, it must be a minefield.

Thank you everyone - I appreciate your concern and advice very much.

I will try and rest, as this seems to be the best thing.

The financial issues weigh heavy on my mind. We have had times of straitened circumstances before but we have faced them together. I am lucky that my brother and my son-i-l are trying to support me with this in terms of money; but I am on my own with the funding battles. I wish they would just make up their minds which authority is going to be involved then I could plan from a certain base.

One option would leave us paying nothing; the other a vast amount that will necessitate raising money on our home; so all of these meetings are very crucial and inevitably stressful.

I could pay out for a lawyer to be with me at these meetings, but risking cash is hard at the moment.

I slept a bit better last night as DD had moved everything into a smaller warmer room for me.

Thank you again for your helpful posts; and I send good wishes to all those of you facing similar problems - I am sure there must be many.

I'm sure it's no wonder, Luckygirl, after so much dreadful worry and stress, on top of your poor dh being so ill. I can't offer any better advice than what others have said - plenty rest and sleep must surely be a priority when your mind and body are so exhausted with it all.
Can only send all best wishes for some sort of little light at the the end of the tunnel soon. xx

I'm very late to your story Luckygirl, but it seems to me that your situation is still not resolved entirely. Yes your husband is happy and well cared for in the nursing home, and that's a great relief for you. You are grieving for the life you had together, and no doubt missing him being with you immensely. Instead of being able to start your path to acceptance of the way your life has changed, you are still faced with the fight for funding, and inhuman, invidious procedures. It's no wonder you're struggling. All you can do is to make you a priority, go with your body; sleep, cry, get angry. And then try to get out in the fresh air, be with people who love you, but most importantly be as kind to yourself as you clearly are to others. I wish you well.

I think you should treat this like a beareavement ,which it is in a way.Its the end of the life you knew and the start of a new phase.Take it easy and take care of yourself ,you will get through it ,it will take time .

I felt just like you when my parents went into care having spent 10 years caring for them. It takes time to adjust. Be kind to yourself, you did your best and more. Just go with the flow and let the pressure you have been under for so long ease. It will get better. Sending love and hugs.

What everyone else gas said, lucky!!

Just be gentle with yourself. (((Hugs)))

I have followed your journey with such admiration and am not surprised that you are reacting to months of physical stress and emotional turmoil.

As others have said, you need time to recover and remember who you are, despite the ludicrous battles over who should foot the very considerable bill for your DH’s essential care.

Hope your family can support you emotionally and that the youngest generation brings a smile to you.

Some people benefit from increasing omega-3 fatty acids, which are higher in some fish than others, like salmon and sardines- It's said to elevate mood and wellbeing-

A certain amount of exhaustion is due to rumination, focusing on sad thoughts- Plenty of suggestions on the internet for catching yourself in the act and breaking the habit-

Exercise and sunlight-

Socialize and get sufficient sleep-

I quietly followed your thread, read how you cared for husband, you've been "through the mill", so to speak, be kind to yourself ..

lucky you sound just like my SIL when my brother went into a dementia care home. I think it could be grief in some way. Your DH is still with you but not at home where you are used to him being and all the stress you had has wiped you out. Also I think you were running on adrenaline which has now dropped. Now is the time to be kind to yourself if you can. You have done your best and you need to stop blaming yourself for letting your DH down (which you haven’t). You are tired lucky worn out. You need rest

Agree with others, you must be absolutely exhausted. Sending kind thoughts to you

Oh bless you Luckygirl you must be so weary. You need to rest, life’s way of replenishing both mind and body. x

Luckygirl If you feel like crying cry, if you want to stay in bed then stay in bed.

Your body and mind have been holding everything together, now they need to rest and recover. ????

I think this slightly delayed reaction is entirely to be expected. My God you've been through the mill the last few months Lucky! So now your body is screaming out for some respite and you have to give in to it.

So what if you spend all day in bed sometimes? If it's what you need, then just go with the flow and let yourself gently heal. It will take time, but you will get better as long as you don't fight it. and (((hugs)))

Luckygirl, I have followed your journey on GN and have so much admiration for you.
I can only echo what others have said.

Take care of yourself, Lucky. It's bound to take a while to come down from pushing yourself so hard.

Go gently lucky, spot on comments about running on adrenalin and now your body is reacting to, or if you like withdrawing from, seeing your husband settled and happy. There is still stress, more assessments but for now he is safe and happy and you are left adjusting. Rest when you need to, just be as you are and suspend all self expectations for now while you heal. If you can let the family look after you. Sending love and a hug.

Oh Luckygirl I don't know you but I feel for you. It's a very sad hard time for you. You've done your very best. Be kind and gentle to yourself. And rest now. You need it.

I really feel for you. Like others have said this is a physical and mental reaction to all the stress and worry you have suffered.

Be kind to yourself. Take your time and rest, eat well and let your body and mind settle. You have done everything you possibly could and now is the time to put yourself first.

Oh, Lucky! The phrase about running on adrenaline is bang on. Sending a warm virtual hug xx

Oh Lucky - what a heartfelt, honest and open post, what a courageous woman you are.

As others have said and, as I'm sure you know in your logical brain, chronic, long term stress is exhausting. When your husband was at home you somehow kept going because you just had to. Other women, mothers, wives, daughters will identify with this.
Please be tender with yourself, try to rest. Use the meds your GP gives you and find whatever helps you now. It may be relaxation on your iPad. I don't know, you'll have an idea what's helped you in the past, try and locate that and do please look after yourself x