Rude guests. Or is it me?

When we moved from London to beautiful rural Devon, we had 21 different sets of visitors in the first year. It was such a strain. I was recently bereaved, and we had two young children and were broke because we hadn’t yet found work. People I barely knew invited themselves. One chap invited himself every single school holiday, bringing a different new girlfriend every time. I decided to start saying no, so the next time he asked, I said no, we’re hoping to go away ourselves. There was a shocked silence, and then he said ‘But you ARE away’.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Honestly I can hardly believe some peoples manners at times! We have stayed with two different sets of friends this year for around 3 nights and on each visit I have taken flowers and chocs on arrival and given the hostess some lovely Avon goodies on our departure. They seemed thrilled and I offered to help with cooking of meals etc. We have been invited again, so that speaks volumes!

Yes, definitely rude. Maybe some lovely flowers will arrive for you (or maybe not). Next time say you will be away, but can recommend a nearby hotel or B&B - but make sure you keep the curtains drawn!

Just remember that "NO" is a complete sentence!

I know we are supposed to do things out of love but I think common courtesy says you should give something to show your appreciation too.

We had DH's sister & husband over from Canada some years ago- both were bank managers & very well off.
DH took 2 weeks off work to drive them all over the country to see relatives- we took them to Twickenham for a rugby match as he said he liked rugby- he had obviously never seen a match before & moaned all through it- not to mention all the food etc. it entailed to have them stay. It cost us a small fortune but to be fair we were OK with it until the final week. She never stopped complaining about the beds- new ones!, the way I dried my towels-on the line as it was summer- apparently I should always use the tumble dryer- you name it I was doing it wrong!!
The final straw was when her husband bought 3 cans of lager- he drank one- did not offer one to DH but as their cab arrived to take them to port to get on liner for their world cruise he suddenly got out of cab & dashed back into house to get the 2 cans of lager he had left in the fridge!!
I kid you not!
Luckily they have never been back- if they did I would probably MOVE!

That's appalling! I think the appropriate answer to the next approach for cheap (aka free) accommodation is the one Mumsnetters have taught me 'I'm sorry, that doesn't work for me/us.' - and repeat ad nauseum!

I would also advocate learning the word NO. A true wonder of the English vocabulary, and a sentence in it's own right.

A little practice every day and boom, you'll find it rolls off the tongue with very little effort!

When we retired we moved to live in Cyprus and, of course, had family visiting quite often, which was lovely. However, ex-neighbours, who we had known since 1970, visited, made no contribution in any way, other than asking, after getting back in our car for the return trip to the airport, "do we owe you anything for our keep". Before dinner one night DH asked Him if he would like a beer or a short drink - reply was "both". They had been offered the use of one of our cars, no charge involved, but He said that they hadn't come on holiday to do any driving, so guess who did the driving everywhere. Never, ever again, and now we are back in UK, albeit still miles away from them, they have not been invited to see us, nor will they be.

I never go anywhere empty handed, always take flowers or wine or similar if invited to dinner, and if an overnight stay is involved, we certainly always take something with us. If the stay is for a few nights, we take gifts, buy a dinner/lunch out during the stay and send a thank you card. Simple courtesy.

Maybe join airbnb at least you would get paid. People can be so thoughtless, next time say your busy.

I have a friend who moved abroad but likes to come home to visit her dad. I soon realised that she expected to stay with us every time. Hubs was really fed up as he cant wander around in his dressing gown in the mornings and she likes to sit up very late talking and quaffing wine. The last straw was when she pulled our curtain rail down by tugging too hard. The curtains were left in a heap on the floor. Now when she says shes coming home I say that's nice, we'll go out for a meal!

I cant imagine ever visiting anyone without taking a gift or helping out whilst there! If you dont want them to stay you do just have to say No!

We live in a beautiful historic city and have a friend who liked to treat us like a B&B when it suited her. She is notorious for her meanness, once turning up with a pot of half dead hydrangea which she had probably picked up from the reduced shelf in a supermarket or garden centre, another time with a small box of chocolate which was up to it's sell by date with a white bloom on the contents.
You will understand what she is like if I say that when we went out for meals and said we would split the bill she would order the most expensive dishes on the menu and drink twice as much as the rest of us.
I'm sorry to lose a long term friend but can manage without the feeling of resentment that she always left behind.

I would be very crabby, I think think it’s very rude, why would you take advantage like that and not bring something with you for your friends, I just can’t get over the cheek of ppl I really can’t, so glad I have friends that would think the same way as I do

I let the same friend stay for a week at a time, she takes over the hosue, eats food I've got in for my child and won't move off the sofa, plugging every electronic in whilst she's here and using a lot of electricity (we are struggling financially right now) and doesn't offer to contribute anything or give a gift, sometimes we don't even get thanks. I've stopped allowing her to stay now as it only causes me stress. I'd let family do this no bother but a friend? Never again!

Many years ago my parents moved from London to Peacehaven, near Brighton. As soon as the nice weather arrived people, friends and family started to say about coming to visit/stay. My Mum told them straight there was nowhere to stay, (she actually had 3 bedrooms) when I asked why she said they never bothered to come visit when we lived in London so why should I put them up for a free holiday now. Family (uncles and aunts) visited for a day, as they would have done before but I can't remember anyone staying over.

This is an easy one. Just say, "Sorry, it's way too much bother and hard work on my part. There's a B&B down the road you could try. And then, I could join you for dinner, seeing as I put you up last time."

It is a cheek, and I’m not surprised you feel put upon.

Some friends of ours retired recently to a very attractive holiday destination. After a similar scenario, they adopted a “would they visit us if we lived in somewhere grotty” selection policy. They still have visitors, but not the ones using them as a free holiday/convenience.

Guests can be so rude.....
This year I’ve had two lots of 10 guests in my house. Both ok in their own ways. But it’s hard work for the host with very little thanks.
I Heber go to anyone’s house without taking a gift even if it’s for a coffee I’ll take chocolates or biscuits.
If it upsets you tell them your not home next time ?

It happened to me. They were on their way to Cornwall. Husband comes in says 'haven't brought anything with us, but that's okay'. Then drank & ate us out of house & home. Needless to say we weren't around for the return journey!

Theres ALWAYS a travelodge or premier inn nearby,no matter where you are!

Yes just say no sorry,I'm not doing that anymore,but theres a travelodge or premier inn nearby so I'm told.look it up!

A particularly entitled woman for years regularly invited herself to stay with my parents-in-law at their London house. She treated them as a convenient hotel and even expected to be driven by my mother-in-law to the tube station etc etc.
She never offered anything in return.
We notice that her need for a pied a terre suddenly dried up when my FIL was diagnosed with dementia two years ago.
To be fair, she has paid a visit since then...one fleeting visit for which she is no doubt warmly congratulating herself.

I wouldn’t dream of inviting myself anywhere, but would politely ask if it was convenient. I would also insist on more than ‘paying my way’, especially if I knew that the hosts were not well-off. A gift on arrival and departure, and a thank-you card or letter would also be given.
Some people are so hard-faced, and don’t deserve hospitality.