Problem with a man at work

Hear hear, what a waste of time! We're really not that gullible!

Really Seastar! This is all starting to sound like a great big windup. You've had heaps of really good, sincere advice and still the (alleged!) saga continues and gets bigger and more ludicrous with every installment!

As my mum used to say "Pull the other leg it's got bells on it."

Creepy

A good man doesn’t blame you for hurting him when you are busy. He’s manipulating you already

Seastar.

I had an odd man at my workplace.

He was somewhat obsessive and would seek me out here, there and everywhere.

I was not remotely interested.

But I was not perturbed either

He even invited me to his wedding where he spent an inordinate amount of time dancing alongside me and my pals.

He didn't introduce me to his wife which I thought a bit odd.

I just used to give him a quizzical look.

Your situation sounds rather bonkers .

Maybe a new job?

Sound advice aggie as I'm getting really scared.

Just keep looking for the new job xxx

It is not a soap opera- this is real.
I've been looking it up on the internet and he seems to be a pathological liar. I believed his lies and then having read the posts on here I did some research and found photos of him. Today I confronted him with the evidence and he denies it is him. I told him that I knew he had a wife and her name. He didn't batter an eyelid. He calmly said it wasn't him. He is fooling everyone at work because his lies are told in such a convincing way. I seem to be the only one that has found out. I'm trying to avoid him but he keeps finding me at work. Remember, he is a very convincing liar - there are no clues he is lying- The manager has also fallen for his lies. I now have 5 things on my record all caused by his lying. The manager simply believes him. He has been at the place for years whereas I've been there 6 months. Everyone likes him but they don't know the truth. It is worrying because he is such an adept liar. Who will believe me? So, its not a soap opera it is a nightmare. All I want to do is get on with my job. It started out as flirting on his part, then I found he was married and now I'm trying to stop his behaviour. I don't know how he is fooling other people maybe they don't look it up on facebook- should I direct them to the pages so they can see for themselves? I'm worried in case this nutter at my work starts to get violent when no one is around. This is not made up it is unfortunately bloody real and I'm frightened.

Is lucky that you are already looking for a new job, seastar.

If you found out so easily from FaceBook that he is married and all the rest of it, how is it that he is apparently still fooling the rest of the people the rest of the time?
And you can’t get sacked for nothing - there is such a thing as”unfair dismissal ”.

Oh dear.....

Is all this for REAL??

It’s like a soap opera.

Next episode soon enough ...

I confronted this man about his flirting and about his wife. He denies it is him. He has flirted with the manager and she believes all his lies. This is getting me into trouble and I could lose my job due to his lies. I'm the only one at work who knows the real truth. He even flirts with the customers and they post on the internet reviews about how marvellous he is at his job. He has just won Employee of the month. He is now stitching me up behind the scenes and I'm powerless to fight back. We have no union. I keep away from him but he finds me. What can I do? This red flag is hitting me big time in the face. Please help me!

seastar you need to be more in touch with your own alarm bell system ie your intuition. You didn`t really listen to what outsiders were telling you, your mind was overuling your inner thoughts. You need to be aware that there are people out there who will try and snare you for their own gain.

Really, seastar, you're being ridiculous to give this man any thought at all.
Of course he's been playing a game.

Thank goodness you've found out about his wife, to stop you from plummeting into any further foolishness.

His poor wife - how awful to be married to such a lowlife. Consider yourself very lucky not to have got caught up in an affair with him, and next time do your homework and exercise caution before starting a relationship. I’m so sorry you’ve had this experience

I have been doing some research since my last posting. Guess what I've found out? He's MARRIED. I saw a photo of him on a facebook page of his old school and a class reunion with his and his wife's name underneath. I've checked and they are definitely married. So, he is an even bigger rat because he has told everyone at work that he is single and has never brought his wife to a work's do.
Well, I've learnt my lesson the hard way -
no greater fool than an old fool!
Well, you all tried to tell me and you all knew that there was something wrong. Thank God for all you Gransnetters. Without your comments I would never have checked and done research. So, a big thanks to you all. I'll go and lick my wounds.

I can only echo what the others have said Seastar - you are a mature woman not a lovesick fourteen year old, added to which you have known the love of a good man, your late husband. You have known what it is to be in a stable and loving relationship with a man who respects you.
From what I have read in your posts this man is nothing like that
For goodness sake put this behind you - he is not shy, he is dysfunctional.
Is it any wonder he is still single? No one else has been stupid enough to have him.

* Stroke

Lordy seastar - have some self respect (and I mean that kindly)! This man stalked you and found out all sorts of personal stuff about you, flirted with another woman in front of you, laughed about you with your colleagues and sulks whenever you don’t stoke his ego.

He’s not a catch - he’s the absolute opposite of a catch, and I get the impression you’re becoming obsessed with the drama of the game he’s playing and the idea of being in another relationship. Get a grip of yourself woman - you can do so much better

Agree with above.
You could be swinging from the chandeliers by now, having a lovely romance, but you both seem determined to play ridiculous on/off, hot/cold, mind numbingly boring mind games.

You’ve had about 100 answers seastar I’m not sure if any more ‘no, don’t go there’ replies you need? I think you are determined to swoon over him regardless.

Don't get involved, you know what he's like, telling everyone your business which he had no right to do. He goes hot and cold , I suspect a nasty piece of work is underneath the shy exterior.

i am still interested in him but our shifts have changed and i only potentially see him for 3 hours , once a week. he always comes and finds me to say hello and is hurt when i don't say bye. I've given him plenty of opportunity to ask me out but he doesn't respond. i'm not sure if its shyness, or whether he's not interested. when we haven't seen each other for ages he always asks if i've missed him. he's been telling lots of people about me though. is he just playing a game? he gets me so confused.

I'm so sorry this man has so callously manipulated your emotions. I'm relieved you've decided to keep him at arm's length (personally I'd give him a sharp whack with a bargepole and not the metaphorical type, either!).
He sounds very creepy, controlling and definitely a wrong 'un.

seastar, my husband was also a very fit man, died on a training cycle ride, heart failure. Police at the door etc so I know what you have been through. I believe that you have been targetted. Do you have your own home etc? I breathe a sigh of relief that you are being sensible and have put barriers up

I too have been cautious ever since moving, a man nearby is being far too `friendly` with me, offering to help etc when clearly I am very capable. This man is broke and obviously I am not. He touches my arm without invitation. I am being cool and pleasant and kind but will always be at arms length. Short conversations, never asking him in etc He is not creepy like yours but I have no idea what is known about me. EA knew my cashbuying ability/financial circulstances and he works there part time, then he moved close by

So the world is full of chancers, be aware