Such a bad day - just a weepy heap

ann - the nursing home is registered with the CQC and is part of a string of excellent homes. They do not have to register with SSD, but if they want to take people receiving support from SSD, they have to sign a contract with them. That is all to do with money - never mind quality of care!

The NHS (rather than SSD) aspect of the support - I am currently appealing the refusal for that.

Hopefully we will be able to go ahead on Saturday - I am going in to see them tomorrow. I do feel this is the right place for him. Even if he only has a short time of care of this quality, then it will have been the right thing.

Thank you for the link Ginny42 and to everyone for keeping me passingly sane with your kindness.

You may already know of this website Lucky but my DD is currently dealing with her F (my ex) and she's trying to find suitable accommodation for when he must move once his nursing care is ended where he is at the moment.

She found it helpful, but they are at the very start of this process. www.agespace.org/care

Sending warm wishes. x

So sorry for your aggro butI felt it would happen.
It is so difficult to deal with a N/C home not registered/ approved by SS.
You have a very difficult battle on your hands unless your family member is prepared to fund fully.
NHS fully funded care is so hard to get.

Yes. Definitely get back onto the Medical Benevolent Society. They should at least give you some advice.

Lucky, if the SSD contribution is a pittance forget it for now. The health of both of you is priceless!

We appealed Mum's funding, twice, after she went into a home. We lost both times but we did it.

Nothing helpful to add lucky, just that I'm thinking of you and hope with all my heart there is a solution.

Thanks for these words of wisdom - my ability to think rationally is floating over the horizon.

The home is brand new with 4 wings, and only one of those wings has occupants yet and is about half full - so it is of course in their interests to have my OH, even with the SSD aggro. I am hanging on to that.

The Medical Benevolent Society is a route I tried and they will not help anyone who is not registered - so all the retired GPs who are likely to be those in need of help cannot get it! - unless they are rich enough to carry on their registration when not working! But it might be worth my while getting back to them to see if they can point us in some other helpful direction.

Lucky, take the place and then sort things out from there. You will be feeling stronger when you are confident that your dh is being well cared for. It is best thing for both of you.

Talk to AgeUk about the best way to organise your finances.

You can look at Lifetime Mortgages which will give you a lump sum to use, the interest rates are low or you can let it accumulate and it will buy you time.

So sorry to hear you are having such a hard time.

There is a Medical Benevolent Society that can provide emergency help- and even long term support.

Is it a very popular Nursing Home with a long waiting list? I would have thought they would be glad to put up with a bit of inconvenience to get a place taken up and paid, and probably more in the future with their new contract.

Well - it looks as if SSD might have scuppered the whole plan by giving the NH so much grief that they are heartily pissed off. And I do not blame them - I am too.

And all for the tiny pittance that SSD might come up with.

If it goes pear-shaped I have no care for him from Saturday.

To be frank I am not completely surprised that things aren’t sorted.
In this area SS will not sanction CH in the luxury category you are describing.
They are fully self funding .
Luxury isn’t always best as others have pointed out.
We have a home just 10 minutes away, absolutely beautiful with a lovely setting.
A cook at my H’s home had worked there and left to come to my H’s saying how much happier she was.
You may have to be prepared to pay most of the care apart from nursing which will be paid by NHS.
I feel so sad for you that the roller coaster ride hasn’t stopped.

So sorry to hear what's happened Licky. How frustrating and upsetting after all you've been through.

Does the BMA have a benevolent association who might help with your OH's situation? If not financially, they might have advice. Just a thought.

What a day you’ve had lucky. As you say you couldn’t make it up but kitty is right, you’re nearly there. It will get sorted, hang on in there.

Whilst I agree with gonegurl, I think you should do whatever it takes Lucky! Nearly there!!!!

I'll shut up now.

And I think the NH should let you have the "respite care" at the same price as permanent care, knowing that that is what you are working towards. Could you ask them if they would?

It must be beneficial for the NH to get this sorted so they can take other residents in the future under the same terms as your DH.

Try not to get too down about this. All is not lost. You'll get there.

Won't the NH let you sign up for just one week respite care? Running the contract past their lawyers is probably a formality. I can't see why it should take very long. Certainly not a 4week long respite care package.

Awful about the social worker letting you down like that.

I am also very puzzled as to why the NH, which must have been under construction for at least a year and is part of a wider care organisation, had not sorted out its relationship with SSD a long time ago.

In fact, a few weeks ago I had a similar problem with the health authority, who has sent me a letter saying they would pay £167 pw if OH went into nursing care; but then rescinded it as they were not familiar with the home and had no contract with it. That did get sorted with the home saying they would sort that out in the fullness of time; but in the meantime they would charge me as if health were chipping in their bit.

Really and truly you couldn't make all this up. Thank god I am not 90 and trying to cope with all this.

What ! This is dreadful , just when it seems things are in place , I would be crying too , with rage ! ((((((((hugs))))))))

Oh my word

Well - it has all gone pear-shaped. The home has to sign a contract with SSD in order for SSD to pay their contribution directly to them. The contract that SSD have sent to them is not one for my OH specifically but a general contract for their relationship with SSD into perpetuity. The NH is quite reasonably saying that they need to run this past their lawyers and that this cannot be sorted before Saturday which is when OH is due to go in and when we have no care arranged from.

I was on the phone with the SW trying to see if a way could be found round this and she burst into tears and put the phone down - so where does this leave me?

The NH are prepared to take him in for a 4 week respite stay on full private terms - in fact respite care costs £100 more per week than permanent care. I guess I will have no choice but to do this - what else can I do?

I think it is me who should be bursting into tears.

Good to see things are moving ahead positively for you both luckygirl, what a week you’ve had! You will be so relieved and hoping there will be easier days to come.

So pleased to hear that home was suitable and DH liked it, you can get things moving now.