Such a bad day - just a weepy heap

Will be thinking of you tomorrow Lucky

Thank you - just getting together the things that he will need to take. All 3 girls will be around to help settle him in and make sure he knows he is not forgotten.

Deep breath!

Good news lucky. I'm so very pleased for you and your dh. Hope the move goes well and you've got a few treats in mind for yourself.

Wishing you and your DH all the best for tomorrow Lucky. I hope the move for him goes smoothly and all your expectations on his care are met - the care home itself sounds wonderful and the fact that he says he's looking forward to it is a bonus. I'm sure you'll shed a few tears as you leave him but the quality time you'll be able to spend together going forward will be worth it. Hopefully the finances will sort themselves out in due course too.

It will take a few weeks before you will gain confidence in the care Lucky but that peace of mind will come and you will be able to breathe again. I know how you feel about throwing in the towel as I did when my parents went into care but it turned out to be the best decision for all of us.

Thank you all.

I had contacted my MP because I was getting nowhere with the SSD. The result of that was that I received a phone call from one of the managers. I had a list of questions and requests for assurances that I was determined to pin her down on; with a certain success. But it remains to be seen whether they will honour their undertakings. I struggled not to laugh during the call as I could tell that she had been on the same course as I had when a SW on "How to deal with difficult people." And her conversation was peppered with phrases like value-driven, person-centred and other such nonsense when all I want to know is are they going to make a financial contribution to OH's care. If she said due processes once more I might have lost the will to live.

The whole money side of things is very daunting and keeps dropping into my mind unbidden.

But this evening my OH said he was looking forward to going to the NH - I think he is tired of half-hearted cobbled together care - and who can blame him. I hope so much that they live up to expectations. Fingers, toes and everything else crossed.

That’s a relief *lucky. I hope Saturday goes well.

Well done Lucky, all your perseverance is at last paying off. You must be exhausted, but soon you will be able to breathe a huge sigh of relief. I do hope Saturday goes well for you both.

You have done so well Lucky. Hope DH settles and you get some time to care for yourself.

I second Dillyduck's suggestion that you join the CarersUK forum. Hopefully, things will be easier when he's at the home, but I doubt that you'll be able to relax very much.

Great news, now please start taking care of you.

Good. Of course you're not "throwing in the towel". You've done a great job and you're no spring chicken yourself.

Brilliant news lucky. Let us know how it goes.

I would suggest you join the Carers UK forum for support at this difficult time. Many of us have had to make really difficult decisions on behalf of our loved ones.

All the very best Lucky

I have no experience of care homes but send my very best wishes and hope that it all works out on Saturday.

It now looks as if it will happen on Saturday!!!!!

Don't ask me the machinations that I have had to go through to make this happen - I am utterly exhausted with it all. But we seem to have found a way forward.

I just want to see him settled, happy and well cared for. On one level it feels like a defeat - like throwing in the towel. But I have to hang on to the fact that he will have proper professional care; and there will be company and opportunities for various activities on the spot that may lift his spirits.

Thank you all for advice and good wishes.

Luckygirl when you go in to see them, remember they are not doing you a favour. You are putting business their way.

Good luck. I hope it happens on Saturday.

My mum was in a BUPA dementia unit for which we had to pay a top up Mum had some care paid for and a contribution from the LA as her money was all gone.

She was bedridden with Alzheimers when we applied for CHC. We were turned down on the basis that she only needed 'help' with feeding.

It's the random nature of who is given financed Continuing Care that I find the most unfair.

A friend's husband suffered a severe stroke following heart surgery - no cancer or other illnesses - I was very pleasantly surprised when he was to be given a fully-financed place at a local BUPA home around the corner from where they lived.

Unfortunately he died whilst still in hospital.

Oh ann - I do identify with all of this and I am so sorry that you went through all this as well. One of biggest problems since he came out of hospital has been getting people to see him as a sick human being rather than someone who is trying to drain their money.

I feel very much as you are saying - I want to try and get good quality care for however long he has, or even just for a short while if the funds run out. Health say he is not ill enough for funding, just like your OH you wonder just how ill you have to be.

And you are so right about the homes that SSD are prepared to engage with - they engage with them because they will do the care on the cheap. It is so painful when those with all the power forget the real worth of the person you are fighting for. I admire you for sticking to your guns and doing your best for your OH. But why oh why should we be made to fight all the time?

Just sending a BIG hug and hoping and praying that you have the strength to make the right decision for all of you xxx

You did brilliantly in the circumstances ann but isnt it appalling that it all ends like this!

I really do not want to seem difficult lucky but having been up against the system in my area I feel your pain.I had a limited choice of homes that SS were prepared to engage with.
My H had multiple problems, Alzheimer’s, severe stroke, heart problems and finally cancer.
I still couldn’t access continuing care. I couldn’t even have end of life care in his current home even though I would have been paying.
He ended his life in a hospice ward in the local hospital after I became totally frustrated with everyone and said
I wouldn’t accept any thing else for him and for me.
It was a very unsatisfactory ending to a 60 year marriage when I had coped and struggled on until 5 months before he died.

Could you downsize or rent out rooms?

Sorry if this is insensitive, just a thought.