How soon did you see your grandchild and where?

Yes, summerlove, I did ask, just the once.

Yes, I understand you might have agreed to it but it is still an odd thing to be asked to do.

I'm not expecting anything. Just people's views on here on whether this part of the situation was normal.

I mean considered, not concerned. I must have typed concerned because I was busy thinking how concerned I am.

Notanan2, believe me she doesn't think of me as a stranger. I was just checking if this part of the situation could be concerned normal.

agnurse... perhaps dont set that in stone for now! Almost everyone thinks differently once they have children so wait and see, burn no bridges for now!

Oh PS babies are HARDEST at around 3-4 months: sleep regression time!! If I were you I would have visitors at the easier newborn sleep eat sleep eat stage!

Also, exposure to normal germs is good for babies, particularly if you breast feed! Airplane air is rotten but its not the germs that make you sick its the dryness and the lack of fresh circulated air!

Have youasked to see baby? Asked to visit?

I’m all about not visiting without an invitation, but I wouldn’t be offended if someone asked, Once.

I also would have taken the chance to meet baby at the train station.

I’m honestly not sure what you are expecting.

It all sounds totally weird, strained and bloody hard work to me, for what it's worth.
Very far from my idea of 'normal'.

I recognize that your situation is a little different, as you live in walking distance, but if Hubby and I ever have a baby, I'm going to ask ILs to wait until baby is at least 3 months old before coming to visit.

Before I get flamed, let me explain. We live in Canada. ILs live in the UK. They are lovely people (with the exception of FIL with whom we have a minimal relationship for various reasons; he will not be meeting any future children) and I would never withhold my children from MIL and SFIL. Even so, the germs in the UK are different than the germs here, and let's be honest, airplanes are a glorified cesspool. I have frequently became ill in the past after flying. I'm not suggesting that MIL and SFIL are The Great Unwashed or that British people aren't clean. I've been to Britain in the past and loved it. But I don't want my LO being exposed to germs from another continent until after first shots have been given.

People have different feelings on when they want others to meet a new baby. Not to mention that, really, the time they spend with others and who else has already seen the baby are, quite frankly, not your concern. Saying "well, so-and-so has seen the baby already and I haven't" sounds similar to an adolescent saying, "but so-and-so is allowed to have/wear/eat/do whatever, why can't I?" If your children behaved that way or would have behaved that way when they were young, what would be your response?

Flyingsolo the baby is precisely the reason you should go. If I were them, I would expect my child's GP to come round.. Break the ice!!!

Silverlining48, thank you but unfortunately I don't think that will achieve anything positive.

You kind of are though. Im not saying you havent reached out or tried, but you dont have a pre existing relationship with this girl!

Notanan2, I am not a stranger to her. I bent over backwards to be kind and welcoming to her. She has met people she doesn't know at all with the baby. I know as I agreed to pay the bill when asked. I know this is sounding confusing , it is confusing.

I only posted because I was surprised at the comments on here to another new grandma and I thought well maybe this bit of the situation was perhaps normal so I asked to check. The general opinion here seems to be that other people would also find it hurtful but finding out on facebook might not seem so bad to their generation as we find it and that the train situation was odd but there is some variation in how people here would react to it, and that people wouldn't be happy about having to wait so long but that we have no right to expect anything and it is up to them and that people on here hope I see the baby soon.

I think if someone is unfamiliar, as you are to her, post partum isnt the time when you want unfamiliar people around.

You are essentially a stranger to her and she is recovering from surgery. If she says she only wants people she knows visiting, at this point in time, she had reason.

The unfortunate reality is that if you didnt have much of a relationship with the couple before baby, you usually wont have much of a relationship with them when they become a little family.

Summerlove, I haven't ever been invited to their home. I don't mean just since the baby, I mean never at all.

How about phoning or sending a note to say you hope they are all well and that you are looking forward to seeing the baby as soon as it’s convenient with them.
Best wishes. K

Silverlining48, I'm not going to do anything about it. I had just wanted to see if other grandparents found this to be normal behaviour or not. It was more that I was trying to sort out my thoughts than do or say anything. I do wonder how long this will go on for though. There's 4 months to christmas. Who knows?!

*hard end time

I’m sorry flyingsolo, that sounds hard

I wouldn’t Take offense to not being told the section date. As new parents are advised not to tell extended family at the date. Announcing on fb seems to be done often as well, although I would be hurt too.

I know you have said that you haven’t been invited to see the baby, and I think you are smart not to just show up, but have you asked to come over?

As far as the train station visit, I have seen it suggested before that when you are having a visit with someone that you have a difficult relationship with, that you set it up in a way that it has a hard and time so that they cannot overstay their welcome. I know you said your relationship with the couple hasn’t been the best, so they might have thought this was a good alternative.

I hope you are able to talk to your son about it soon

I am sorry flying solo. I understand why you are upset but some of the advice given here might help you in deciding what, if anything, you might do now. Best to avoid ‘words’ if you can. Least says and all that, it’s not unusual fir grans to have to tread carefully and not just with dils. Hope things work out.

Hello Flying solo

I do feel sorry for you.I have five grandchildren and saw four of them on the day they were born, the one exception was the granddaughter born 10 weeks premature.She was very unwell and in an incubator in SCBU, but next day she had improved enough for us to see her.I also have two great grandchildren and we met them when they were a few days old.
My poor sister is also a great grandma and due to a family rift, has never seen either of her great grandchildren yet just photos on facebook.She also does not see her grandchildren, after having loads of contact when they were young children.
My heart goes out to you, I hope you get contact soon.

Geekesse, you couldn't be more wrong unfortunately. They didn't tell me when he was born. I can't possibly go round. I have never ever been invited to their home. There was no meeting at the train station which is a strange place and time to be expected to meet the baby anyway. What would have been wrong with meeting at a normal place on any of the other days he's been alive instead of waiting until ninety minutes before the train I'm booked on is about to leave and expecting to bring the baby to meet me there if I get a different train? You do realise they live in walking distance of me? The train station is further away!

To answer the question in the heading. I saw each of my five GC on the day on which he/she was born.

Hmmm... I wonder what the baby's parents are thinking. Paternal granny knew the date of a planned C-section, and didn't choose to call in that evening or the following day while still in hospital. She didn't make a special visit to meet the baby, only a half-hearted meeting at a railway station. It's possible the young couple are feeling very hurt and miserable that the birth of their baby - a life changing event for them - wasn't important enough to granny to make the effort. If there's some distance involved, a hotel or B&B overnight nearby would do the trick.

So the kids think his Mum doesn't care. She thinks they are being remote. Everyone sees unkindness in each other. How about just calling in with a gift for the baby and starting again?

Gonegirl, you aren’t the only person to tell me trying to reply to my messages won’t work. Are you able to send me a new message to respond that way as I seem to be receiving them?

I have four DGC. All from my two daughters. I was at the actual birth for 2 of them, and in the delivery room up to the last minute for the other two. However - I was there for my daughters, not specifically to meet the babies. I am not sure how it will pan out with my DIL when the time comes. We are all pretty close, so I hope it will be soon after the birth, but it depends how she feels. I fully expect her mother to be at the birth, and it does not worry me. I would be heartbroken if I had to wait 5 weeks!

You say they are very young, just wondering how young, they met last year and already have a baby, huge life change here and although you are seeing all sorts of facebook stuff it may not all be a bed of roses. Gransnetters usually advise to keep out but I am wondering if they are waiting for you to ask to go round and visit and take a lot more interest, specially if you haven't fallen out with them. I know its a fine line but I am thinking of their age and situation.