Woke up uglier than yesterday

I can top your Geriatric acne.....Vaginal atrophy.

Geriatric acne? As if things aren't bad enough already. I recommend that you never, ever clean mirrors and replace light bulbs with a lower wattage. Perhaps some antihistamine and an ice cube held on the offending lump may reduce it somewhat - then a load of concealer!

Look at the time!
And Gt Dane still not back.
That's buttered hot cross buns again for lunch then.

NannyAnn2 God bless us, how many times have you been told to lay off the Lambrini!

Woke this morning with two lovely black eyes, the result of head butting a rockery, which left me with a Frankenstein wound on forehead and a nose the size of a smart car. I would gladly swap your spot for my ugly face.

Pudding123 Be careful with that wax Eugene!

Faffing round in the garden hasn't done me any good. Me sitting on green plastic garden chair soaking up those rays for fifteen minutes daily ( I've got soft bones because of Vitamin D deficiency) ends up with a flattering very light tan.

Very light - until I Nair my top hairy lip, then I have a clear white mark round my mouth like I've been eating ice cream, in contrast to the rest of my face being two shades darker

Carodan,love your posts ,you made me laugh outloud!I at the grand age of 65 woke up last week with a big pimple on the top of my lip which I think was a result of my overzealous waxing of my top lip.another unwanted chore which is necessary all of a sudden.

Oh gillybob how I love a good photo! What a pity you can't upload it!
We've got some corkers too in our photo album. There's a lot to be said for digital cameras.

We haven't had any photos taken for years and don't even have a camera. We've reached the stage where there's just no point and looks wise ( not good to start with) it's downhill all the way.

Plus Gt Dane flatly refuses to get a new set of teeth.

All my DD's wedding pics were lovely except for us. We looked like something out the Rocky Horror Show (minus the fishnets)

In one of my disastrous wedding photos I have my eyes eerily open and yet shut at the same time. Very weird and unsettling to say the least. The album is shoved at the back of the wardrobe. It’s dreadful.

I know that saying very well CaroDane my feeble attempts at dressing up or heaven forbid, wearing a frock, are a shining example it !

On the subject of ruined photos my one and only wedding photo was taken beside a pretty boating lake complete with swans .

No digital cameras then just snap and hope for the best . Result a swan decides to stick his head out from behind me right at the wrong moment and I end up looking like a coffee mug . Me in a Long cream straight dress with a swans neck making the perfect handle !

Skinnylizzie get a grip woman, you're only supposed to be volunteering with the hospital book trolley!

gillybob you know the saying 'you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear'.

There's no way I'm pushing the boat out for Gt Dane (unless he changes his mind and has a Viking burial of course) as I don't want to waste money I might need for essentials (like Aldi rum flavoured fruit and nut bars).

Gt Dane or I could drop off the twig at any moment so I'm not squandering my money in Top Shop or Burton like you rich Gransnetters do!

And at least there won't be any photographs being taken today.

At my DD's last wedding ( 3 so far and number 3 not looking too healthy) we had to buy a very smart blue suit for Gt Dane.

Complete waste of money.

Because the miserable sod
had thrown his teeth away on the grounds they hurt his gums.
So that meant he had to pose with a weird dolphin like expression while keeping his mouth shut.

Needless to say he'd been photoshopped out the majority of her wedding photos.

As had I in fact.

I'm in crisis now as because I've wasted so much time relating my tale of spotty woe I've had to send him to Tesco on his own.
God knows what he'll come back with.
That's if he remembers his pin number

Oh ladies thank you for making me giggle this morning. Stuck in a hospital bed and feeling a bit fed up.... love the little quips

Tesco for a suit ? Bluddy hell you don’t ‘alf spoil that man !

A thousand apologies for my flippancy CaroDane I was really only trying to squeeze some fun out of an otherwise very miserable event .

Pass the enamel tea pot while yer there will ya?

In the words of my hero Willie Nelson maybe we should all be grateful that we “wake up not dead again today”

And stick that spot out with pride girl !

Nanna58 I'll second that!

OH just tried on his funeral suit. Stained and worse hangs off him because he's lost a lot of weight. He looks exactly like a scarecrow now.

That means we've got to get to Tesco straight away to get him another suit.

This one will have to last him though as he'll be buried in it.

Just had a massive spot myself which then decided not to erupt and has now left me me with a purple mark on my face! Oh the joys of being geriatric

Caro. Woodland burial sounds appropriate for someone who is heavy handed with the secateurs!
Don’t tell me... you drive an old banger?
Love the humour, keep posting! ?

Why not use a veil as a style statement?

Geriatric acne ? yea gods life just gets more and more cruel!!

It's called geriatric acne!

Boots eucalyptus and witch hazel or tee tree spot wand is very effective.

Lessismore am sure you're right!!

We once had a terrible smell in the car (not an unusual occurrence due to Gt Dane's flatulence problems).
We tried everything. Leaving the windows open, wiping the seats, a little air freshener shaped like a sun with a smiley face dangling from the mirror. It still stank.

Gt Dane swore he'd thoroughly cleaned the car.
Of course when I investigated the cause didn't require the services of Sherlock Holmes.

Rotting sausages from the butchers jammed under the front passenger seat where they'd fallen out a shopping bag.

GrandmaSoSew -

Don't slip a paste sandwich in your pocket for later. It won't end well.

GrandSoSew what a dreadful predicament ! You've made me feel better already.

We're having woodland burials (preferably after we're dead) as Gt Dane has expressed his desire to be wee'd on by wildlife.