Woke up uglier than yesterday

millymouge don't be sad. Things could be worse - don't quite know how, with Trump/Boris/Brexit/HS2/Plastic Waste/Meghan Markle/Potential Food Riots to name but a few but then again I've always been an optimist

You could be me - fat, ancient, spotty and married to Great Dane. Count yourself lucky!

I must say I'm disappointed not one of you has enquired as to how my spot is today
One new thread and that's it, you're stampeding off like pigs on a truffle hunt!

For my lone reader I shall simply say, it is redder but smaller.

Been having a bad few days recently, rather depressed about several things. But reading these posts has made me laugh out loud. You really are all marvellous!!

Caro as he can't stand the slightest chink of light in his room I'm seriously considering getting him an eye mask to complete the night time ensemble - the only drawback is the frequent bathroom trips he has to make as he is likely to either strangle himself on the pipe or wake me up walking into the door!

Lessismore I pursued him for 4 years before finally bagging him at 15 although thankfully by then he'd progressed to long trousers.

I love him really - honest

Is it OK for 11 year olds to pursue men in short trousers?

Willow500 he sounds a corker Is he supposed to have all that electronic stuff or have you sellotaped him to the bed so you can torture him?

Well I've nearly choked on my coffee trying to stifle the laughs on here so as not to wake Mr W even though he's in another room and sleeps with his C-Pap machine and a fan blasting at his head. It's like being in a wind tunnel!

Suits from Tescos now there's a thought. A good friend passed away yesterday and amidst the shock and sadness Mr W started worrying about what he can wear to the funeral - all his suits went to the charity when he stopped needing them for work. I wonder if they do them in man mountain size? Far from losing weight like Gt Dane he's twice the man he used to be (possibly quadruple if you go back to when we met although he was only 11 back then and still in short trousers ? ). Trousers will have to accommodate his tangerine sized hernia too which he's been carrying around for the past year ( and you thought a spot was bad!) so need to be extra roomy. I don't suppose he could get away with black jogging bottoms? No thought not. A trip to Jacamo it is then - I hate shopping for his clothes only marginally less than he does ?

I have laughed so much at this thread I was in danger of a coronary.
Choking with laughter at the idea of Gt Dane woozily walking out the bedroom window onto the kitchen extension and piddling from there!

Earlier in the thread someone spoke of doors banging and it reminded me of how I once looped a Kotex round each door knob to stop a nightly banging door in our house.

Dad had procrastinated over fixing it for weeks and Mum got crosser and crosser because it used to wake everyone up so I thought this a brilliant idea.

By heck, I didn't half get into trouble for that.

Tea tree should always be diluted btw with a carrier oil.

Thanks for the laughter CarolDane

justwokeup FOUR YEARS, FOUR YEARS!
Which gypsy did you run over on a dark night then?

£15 in Primark?
I'm taking the tags back out the bin and this one can go back to Tesco then tomorrow. Gt Dane only dropped a few crumbs from a wagon wheel on it and they'll brush off.

I was amazed to see suits in Primark at £15! No good going cheap at our age though, DH is getting more and more wear out of his as time goes by.

Kim is chunky in a good way.

And that tea tree oil burns. At least that's what Gt Dane said when he put it on his behind following the advice from melp1

lemon We already have twin beds, if I stick him on the other side of the bed he'll be out the window on top of the kitchen extension.

Love these posts had a really good chuckle.
Tea tree oil smells really strong not sure I'd want to put it on the end of my nose. Although might be a good idea CaroDane
(re Gt Dane's flatulence problems).

Caro haha what can I say, I like the sound of his Einstein like hair.
I do have sympathy for you though because the horrid nail flinging is shudder inducing.
An idea! Allow him to sleep on the other side of the bed, and then hey presto! No more eiderdown stamping.

Don't want to be pessimistic Caro but I got a spot on my face about 4 years ago. It loved it there and stayed! I can't tell you what tortures I've endured to get rid of it but still it won't go. 4 years of people saying 'oh dear, you've got something on your face'. I do hate this age thing!

Scousegirl and Lemon you'd have to give him a bucket. When he's in the downstairs loo he sounds just like a horse.

lemongrove you wouldn't be saying that if you had him shuffling round standing on your eiderdown every 20 minutes.

What happened to Old Girl Power, why is everyone so sympathetic to Fartface?

I'm getting a bad rap on here and all I did was seek some human kindness and sympathy for being struck down by a mystery spot.

Holy Mother, the man is a monster, you have no idea of the suffering I've endured....the smells, the stains, his grotesque toe nails, the constant catapulting of keratin after wielding the nail clippers (I once found a piece in my tub of Astral) and you dare to suggest giving him a glass!!!!

Spare the rod and spoil the child!!
I blame Ma in law Dane for this. She moddly coddled (mollycoddlyed/collymollied whatever) him and look at the result! My very own living breathing Tale from the Crypt.

Case for the prosecution rests, your Honour.
And my spot is still red.

Very true...... as long as it’s a tiny wee, although a brandy balloon could be useful ( or a pint glass) ?

Lemon grove, a glass would save Caro Dane being disturbed when he does his night run!

CaroDane and Lessusmore, Get your hands off Kim Bodnia!He's mine! Well..a woman can dream.
Saw him being interviewed on This Morning and he was even more gorgeous, if that's possible! Sigh!

Both tea tree oil and toothpaste are great for zits.
Poor Great Dane, he does sound in a bad way, and doesn’t even get wine!
To hell with the night wees, give that man a glass

Anyone seen the British version of Death At A Funeral?
The American version is hopeless though.