Thoughts would be very welcome

I’m actually quite shocked to hear some of this!
I pet sit for an agency and go to many different types of homes, many very hi-tech. But I am expected to quickly learn how all of their appliances work put burglar alarms on and off and even drive their cars!
I often turn to you tube to work out how their hoovers or ovens work and have even done minor repairs.
I find it totally inconceivable that these men cannot even manage the simplest task! And presumably this fact has been clear for many years with no one attempting to correct it!

Your daughters must be very inconsiderate not to have talked very seriously to your husband about his lack of interest in taking any role in running your house.

Get onto Tesco (or other well-known supermarket) online and order lots of ready meals. All he has to do is to read the instructions.

Hope your recovery starts to go more smoothly.

I went to visit a friend last week who has also had a recent hip replacement. Although it appeared to have gone better than yours, no reactions to medication or other complications, she was still at the stage of enforced idleness!

She made me laugh when she complained about her husbands incompetence with the gardening, a passion of hers. He was fine around the house provided that she gave him simple instructions but he had no idea what was a plant or a weed, why some pots needed watering even though it had rained during the day, how to hoe without damaging plants, which fruit was ripe for picking etc. After a period of heavy rain, she asked him to put down some slug pellets, he very carefully placed one pellet next to each plant! Apparently all he has ever done in the garden was mow the lawn.

In the end she sat on a chair by an open window and shouted instructions at him!

Obviously his lack of ability in the garden was not life threatening but it made her very frustrated and she is now planning to teach him some simple skills and they will work together in the garden in the future.

AnnSI so sorry to hear about the difficult time you have been having. Glad to hear you are making progress. Bad news that the district nurse didn't turn up to change your dressing.
I agree with others that your operation and recovery have probably really frightened your husband and made him feel and appear more vulnerable.
My partner was 'all at sea' when I was in hospital earlier in the year. He broke things, left a pan on the stove, fused the lights and did not seem to listen to clear instructions.
My advice (for what it's worth) is to wait until you are feeling a bit stronger (and he can see you're stronger) and then talk over how it felt for you and for him.
You have had a really challenging time, well done on making progress to recovery. Sending you good thoughts ?

I had my hip operation -3 years ago after a fall in the garden, I wrote on Gransnet about it. At that time I did not know that the man I spent nearly every living hour of the day with had no idea how to turn on the gas hob, could not see the buttons on the microwave and the washing machine was an alien from outer space. How did he manage? I have no idea, my daughter thought he was coping, and visited a couple of times, making sure there was milk and bread, but my husband said nothing to her, and did not ask for help. When I came home from hospital I was once again doing everything, but then that was my fault, I had never bothered to ask him to help with things, so he had never bothered to learn. He is no longer with me, and I have no regrets whatsoever because life was as we had made it and we enjoyed it together.

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply. He is retired but does self employed stuff and great at that. He is now having a nap because I had to get him up during the night and got stuck on loo. Not funny but dropped my phone, we are sleeping opposite ends of the house at the moment, sat on loo seat couldn’t reach phone with sticks, called and called thought I would be there all night. Got the sticks tied together with dressing gown belt finally got phone over and rang him. Can’t wait to be back to normal and will see how he is.

So sorry for you, you must be feeling very down.

Those little things become big things when you're unwell.

Just try to take one day at a time.

I do hope you feel better soon.

I agree with others that your husband is obviously very worried by your situation. You are in pain and uncomfortable, these things combined make small difficulties seem much worse. Try to relax a little, your husband will do too then hopefully.
I hope things improve soon AnnS1

Have you always been the doer you say he’s normally practical but is that because your giving him the guidance ( I don’t mean in a bossy way) some people are organisers some aren’t Maybe he’s been more upset that you believe and is surprised and worried at his own inability making him annoyed with himself and a bit resentful at having to be told what to do
I think you haven’t realised how little he does do for himself but suddenlyb it’s obvious
You ll soon be up and running again Can you give him jobs he can do and have a laugh about the ones you can’t Leave anything that’s not totally necessary can you do stuff together peeling the spuds sorting the washing etc
You ll soon take the lead back again you ve BOTH had a shock

One of my aunts was married to man who completely adored her and couldn't do enough to make her happy, from bouquets of flowers to breakfast in bed. What he couldn't do was cope with her being ill; it terrified him and he pretended her illness didn't exist. I have also encountered this attitude – if I pretend this illness, accident, injury hasn't happened, it will all be all right.

I agree he sounds scared witless. Could it be he’s not used to being responsible for all the mundane things we women seem to do without even thinking about it and finds it a bit overwhelming?
I remember my husband not being able to carry out the simplest thing without detailed instructions occasionally when I had my hips done and incapacitated for a week or so and I was very frustrated and cross too which didn’t help things.

Maybe a quiet chat when you are both in a calm mood. See how things are when you are more mobile and if you are still worried then have a talk about a GP appointment.

Sorry to hear that you have been so unwell. I would wait until things are on a more even keel before jumping to any conclusions. It could be that he is just used to you doing most clthings and making the decisions. Concentrate on getting better and then see if his thinking and general cognitive ability seems impaired. That may be the time to seek medical advice. Hope you are up and about soon.

Perhaps he was like this before but because you were more able you didn't notice, it has only shown up more now because you are having to rely on him. It's sounds as though he cannot cope very well and is getting frustrated because he knows, but it is only for a short time as you are slowly getting back on your feet. See how he is when you are able to do more but if you are still worried then speak to your GP. My husband is the same but I think it is the meds and his illness but he is driving me round the bend, he has changed such a lot but he knows and is frustrated too.

Perhaps he has felt very stressed with you being incapacitated. Give it time and hopefully he will relax and be more capable. Wishing you a speedy recovery from your surgery.

Maybe you being incapacitated has frightened him AnnS1! Had you noticed any signs before you had the op? Perhaps a little chat about how helpful he can be until you’re more mobile although it’s a bit like talking to a child isn’t it!