Sister asking for money

My DH would often "lend" money to his brother knowing it would never be repaid. His brother had 3 children and was often out of work (mainly because he would turn up hung over). When DH died his brother told me he had been advised he could claim he had relied on DH to support him and as such would be entitled to part of his estate.

Pressure from other family members and my saying I would sue him for the repayment of the loans made over the years resulted in his deciding against making such a claim.

Tweedle24 says exactly what I am thinking. Say no - and there's an end to it. (Hopefully you won't be asked again.)

No guilt trip needed you are her sister not her bank.

There are 2 types of people in this world

Those that give

And

Those that take

Your sister is the latter. You are right to say No. Your daughter or any other children you have have more right to it than your sister. Stop feeling guilty.

I have had the same problem, now I wouldn't spit on her if she was on fire.

You are possibly only feeling bad as it’s your sister but as she doesn’t pay it back .then I certainly wouldn’t help her. She’s very disrespectful

It's unanimous then. You did right! If you feel guilt its down to your sister's ability to lay it on you and play on your feelings.

Having said no once, it'll be easier next time. In fact it can be quite liberating.

I agree with the majority that you have done the right thing. You are not responsible for your sister's poor budgeting and are not in a position to gift money to anyone, so don't feel bad. You have learned to manage with whatever money you have coming in and your sister has to learn to do the same - if you give/lend her any money she will never learn and will always view you as a kind of freebie-bank! Don't let your sister put you in financial difficulties again - just be firm when she asks and tell her every penny you have is accounted for and there is nothing left to lend her or anybody else. Good luck.

You are absolutely right to say no. Your sister has abused your goodwill and you have no reason to feel guilty

What a lovely person you are to be so conscientious and not want to let your sister down when she has been the opposite of you. She's obviously the sister that likes to take advantage and she'll never learn if you keep saying yes.

You did the right thing. Someone in our family was always asking to borrow money and never paid it back. It's hard to say no to family, but I always say no now.

Your answer is in your first statement -you can't afford it. You don't need to tell your sister any more than that.

Graham Norton says never lend money you cannot afford to never get back and I think that’s sound advice

Met my sister in town for a coffee this morning, she was with her OH, am pretty sure he didn't know about her request to borrow money, so I didn't mention it. Turns out they are going to a theme park tomorrow with my niece and her children! Couldn't believe it, asking me for money yet going off for the day.

The way she is with money is partly my mother's fault. She was a 'sickly' child, always in and out of hospital with a chest complaint - and my mother always gave her what she wanted, bought her what she wanted, this extended into teenage years and adulthood.

Mother always bailed her out of financial difficulties, to some extent it caused a lot of resentment on my part, I really struggled to bring up my daughter singlehanded,but I managed with what little I had.

Absolutely right to say no. And if pushed an "I cant afford it, I have my own bills to pay" is sufficient excuse.

No guilt, as you have experienced in the past, not getting money back. Borrowing is giving back, giving is a different thing,she asked to "borrow" do not give in!

Well done, best wishes

There is truth in the old adage - neither a borrower nor a lender be. Causes ill feeling on both sides.
The reasons you gave are perfectly valid fizzers you should not enable her poor financial management. No reason to feel guilty at all.

Definitely did the right thing. Good that you told your daughter about it and the history. She might find that she would be the next port of call

Yes you did the right thing - you can't afford it so shouldn't feel guilty at all and your sister should accept that.

Many many years ago we loaned my BIL some money when his business got into difficulties - we were in business ourselves and at that time could afford it. It caused such an issue with our relationship with him that we really regretted doing it. He made regular payments back to us until it was repaid but we felt so awful accepting it and felt they resented having to do it although with hindsight I believe they were just very embarrassed by the whole situation. We didn't have much to do with them for several years after that. When our own business failed some years later we were determined we wouldn't borrow from family no matter what happened.

Thankfully now the relationship is fine and BIL has been an amazing help this last year with house projects we have recently undertaken.

Much as you may love her, your sister will never learn to stand on her own two feet money-wise, will never learn to live within her means and budget properly if she has you to bail her out every now and again. If her credit cards are maxed out, her overdraft up to it's limit, then it's up to her to sort that out, not you. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

Coco1 - no birthday card? Are you sure you really want to do that? Maybe one that says 'Oops! The fiver must have fallen out, but never mind, I'll knock it off what you owe!'

No, stick to your guns , no more hand outs. Same as tinysidsmum , I've bailed my daughter out so many times without repayments ( but lots of apologies and promises) . Now I'm on sick pay and no money coming in and it's me who's up shit creek !

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I've never borrowed a ha'penny from anyone throughout my life and in the earlier years I didn't half struggle, but kept my head up and smiled and didn't tell a soul. I had the 4 children at the time. I don't know to this day how I managed, except that I'd got in with the " right people " who'd by chance enquired in a paper shop about a cleaner for light work. Cash in hand I jumped at it. They gave me a key to their lovely apartment as they lived in Spain 6 months of the year and I worked there for some time, even during the time I went back to the hospital to work nights as I didn't want to let them down and was able to go in the daytime before bed.

It was a life-saver and I kept that little job to myself for years.
Of course I helped the family out when they needed it and wouldn't have asked for it back but what I've shelled out latterly, I've well got back, plus the AC did well when I sold the last property so there's been no " cap-in-hand " problems since---------not that I would now anyway so the answer to the OP would be a firm No, hard as it might be.

I agree with you to say no! Had she repaid her debts in the past you would feel better about lending again.
Stick to your guns.