Sister asking for money

You made the right decision. Maybe check that she is getting all the benefits she is entitled to? Help her budget better?

You are right and have no reasons to feel guilty.

I too have paid out thousands (for my adult son he is 44 now )and even though I completely refurbed his house after he hit rock bottom mentally and financially he has decided he doesnt want me advising him how to manage his finances and hasn’t contacted or spoken for nearly two years! I was also paying off another loan of his but I stopped at the beginning of this year as he hadn’t responded to my texts or calls. I feel very little for him now which is sad considering we got on so well when he was young. There are so many incidents where he has let m e down. Am also considering no birthday card.

I would help most people I know but soon as they don’t pay it back and don’t apologise and has a good reason for it then I would not lend to them anymore. Don’t feel guilty as sounds like she doesn’t care a fig she never paid you back.

You only need the first of your three reasons for not doing it. You have a limited income and can not afford it. End of story.

When it is the first time you say NO, it really does make you feel awful. You are probably the nicest person and would help anyone in a crisis but finally you are standing up for yourself and good for you. Saying NO this time means she will stop asking eventually but until that time stay strong and don't let her grind you down to say yes or she will keep asking. Good luck x

I dread to think how much money we have given to our three children and family members and never seen a penny of it back, it runs into many thousands of pounds. We have never had a penny left us in anyone’s will and have always worked for what we have we still life model for art groups to top up our pension’s. To be honest we never asked or expected to be paid back. If we are asked and can help then we do but if we can’t then we say sorry not this time.

I wouldn't lend the money. You will regret it and she will never pay it back. Best she learns to sort out her own monies.

I think you did exactly the right thing, she clearly has no intention of paying you back. Personally, if I was ever desperate enough to ask someone for a loan I would talk to them , either in person or on the phone. I think it's unbelievably rude to ask for money in a message, but maybe I'm old fashioned

IMO, you made the right decision for the right reasons.
You know that she must be aware of your financial situation yet chooses to ignore it.
It's a sad fact that family often borrow but never repay.
I lent money three times to one of my daughters who has no dependents and in full time work but who spends like there is no tomorrow.
The last time she gave a reason for needing it. I did a bit of digging and called her out then she got huffy.
Too bad. She had to learn to control her spending.
You'll feel better in the long run rather than disappointed yet again.
Best wishes

Borrowing money? no! Never ever ever.

I think you definately did the right thing. If I lend money and they don't pay me back I never lend again to that person. Doesn't matter if you have thousands or are poor it's the principle. If you can afford it you can always say keep it when they come to you with the money but they should always attempt to repay it.

We lent our son £400 for the deposit on a rented flat when he left university and got a job. Didn't think we'd see it again as he never mentioned it, but some time later, (by which time he had two small DC), and he was better off, he offered to pay it back. We of course refused it and told him to spend it on the family.. It was his offer to pay it back that pleased us, and we took delight in refusing the offer

Don't feel bad - past experience is telling you that you won't get it back, so unless you feel you can willingly just give it to her and forget it - and quite frankly why should you? - just stick to your guns. If you give in again she will be back for more, and it sounds as if she has had enough from you and your mother already. You are not in the wrong - your sister is for continually taking money from others. It's not very moral.

I don’t lend my adult kids money.....if I can afford to, I just give it to them. It’s gonna be theirs one day...so why not now , while I’m here to see the pleasure/relief it brings. If I haven’t got it...I tell them straight. My youngest brother once borrowed money from me when I was newly married and living in one room saving for a deposit on first home...it was £80 in 1973 ...a lot to us... he never repaid it. He’s always been hopeless with money. We all four of us steer clear of lending him money, and he sorted himself out eventually . You’ll be doing your sister a favour by saying ‘no’ you do t need to give reasons.... it’s your money!

My view is the same as I said on another thread, although expressed in reverse: she/they should not take or borrow if she/they are not willing to give back or repay. In the light of your past experiences I believe that your conscience should be clear. Be at peace.

Don't feel bad, you can only go so far and she probably knows she can rely on you every time to bail her out. That doesn't help her manage her finances because she uses you as a prop when she needs money. Now you have said no stick to your guns, that was the hardest thing to do saying no for the first time.

You were absolutely right to refuse, do stop worrying! It's not your place to keep bailing her out.

There is no need to feel bad. Just because she is your sister doesnt give her a right to put you in this position. You know you won't get it back whatever she says so made the right decision.

I would refuse at this stage, as from previous experience you know you are unlikely to get it back. but may signpost her to a credit union for future borrowings.

I think you should be open and tell your sister she has let you down badly in the past by not repaying loans so there will be no more.

Definitely have done the right thing, stick to your guns

You have listed three excellent reasons for not lending her money so don't. Why don't you ask her to lend you some money as you don't have very much that should stop her asking you for money.

I agree with you to say no! Had she repaid her debts in the past you would feel better about lending again.
Stick to your guns.

I've never borrowed a ha'penny from anyone throughout my life and in the earlier years I didn't half struggle, but kept my head up and smiled and didn't tell a soul. I had the 4 children at the time. I don't know to this day how I managed, except that I'd got in with the " right people " who'd by chance enquired in a paper shop about a cleaner for light work. Cash in hand I jumped at it. They gave me a key to their lovely apartment as they lived in Spain 6 months of the year and I worked there for some time, even during the time I went back to the hospital to work nights as I didn't want to let them down and was able to go in the daytime before bed.

It was a life-saver and I kept that little job to myself for years.
Of course I helped the family out when they needed it and wouldn't have asked for it back but what I've shelled out latterly, I've well got back, plus the AC did well when I sold the last property so there's been no " cap-in-hand " problems since---------not that I would now anyway so the answer to the OP would be a firm No, hard as it might be.