Looking like a twerp

My husband and I went to see a magicians show. He asked for a volunteer to deal the cards for a card trick and my husband was chosen. He made the mistake of shuffling the cards first, which of course ruined the trick and it had to be abandoned.

'Still dead?' thank you so much for sharing that Merseybelle.

I'm unfortunately an open-my-mouth-put-my-foot-in-it type of person. I was once checking off interviewees. All had arrived except one man and one woman. When the next interviewee approached me I looked straight at them and said 'Oh, you must be Mr Smith.' 'No,' came the indignant reply 'I'm a girl!'. I have to say I was so embarrassed (and also so pleased she didn't get the job) .

Taken rollers out of my hair, gone out, come home to find a roller atuck to the back of my cardigan.

Where did ‘atuck’ come from? - should be ‘stuck’.

Went swimming, got out of the pool into the showers, then realised I had left my towel at home. Made do with bits of toilet paper and tissues!

Not today but a few years ago, I went to a nearby Boots in my lunch hour to get a couple of things.

After about ten minutes I found myself outside, on the pavement with the wire basket still on my arm but without having paid anything!

In the basket were about four things, all stolen!

I was panic stricken - what to do? Dump the loot and make a dash for it, or woman up and go confess? I decided on the latter; sauntered back in and unbelievably no-one had noticed anything, so I just went through the checkout as usual, without a tap on the shoulder.

I have walked out of the supermarket with a folded newspaper tucked under my arm acquired early on during my first lap of the store.

I have been known to turn up for mine or the childrens' appointments for March a month early in February. Same date, same day of the week!

When I was doing a surgery when the kids were young one of my first patients was an old lady. I was taking her blood pressure and accidentally said 'give mummy your arm"! Fortunately she was deaf and missed my comment!!

mumofmadboys - that is so funny !

I wrote to a friend that her mother still looked really good for 90....then remembered with horror that she was only 80!

Still dead he he he.

DoraMarr Enjoy he he he!

After a long fight against cancer my sis in law S died aged 50 in the hospice where she had been 'sleeping' for two weeks. Eventually she slept away. She was also my great friend. It was midnight. My brother was in the room with her. In the family area was myself and my dh, S's sister and her dh who had travelled from another country, and another very close friend of S.

My brother came to us and said to come and see S. He was calm and coping. We went into S's room, someone on staff made tea and told us to take all the time we wanted. Even showed us a relaxation room should one of us want to have a nap. They were wonderful. We had all been making sure S had been having gentle company and talking to her, Medical staff had told us she could possibly still hear us. We'd been there trying also unsuccessfully to encourage my brother to go home for a couple of hours sleep, he napped where he could. So we were all pretty exhausted.

As we sat around the bed with S we talked of previous times, it was sad and yet we felt lighter because S was at peace. There were even a few laughs among the tears.

One of us asked of the others, were we being disrespectful. My brother said absolutely not, that S would have appreciated the company

One of us was standing at the bottom of the bed leaning on the foot of the bed rail. Next thing we heard a low sound and slowly S sat up as the head of the bed lifted. They'd only gone and leaned on the bed control.

The atmosphere was amazing. In a split second we all went from being horrified to realising how funny S would have found this. Thankfully my brother felt the same and felt it was a perfect moment.

And so it was.

The one who leaned on the bed control did feel a bit of a twerp.......

Coolgran65 - How lovely she had such a wonderful family with her when she passed ! And I’m sure she would have had a good laugh over that as well, God Bless her x

I laughed out loud at these but my favourite has to be Still Dead? I can just imagine myself saying that ?

Cool I know it’s not funny but I’m afraid that made me giggle. It’s those moments that come at the very saddest times which help us get through the dark days as we remember the person we’ve loved and laughed with

OMG like the moaning thread I have never laughed so much in ages ?????

Don't ask why because I haven't a clue how it happens.

I am what is commonly known as ' a big girl' and for years I have not been able to swim doing the breast stroke as my feet come out of the water and I nose dive and drown. . The weird thing is my boobs float like 2 buoys bobbing up and down in the North Sea if I am not on my tummy.

Newton would have come up with the theory of gravity where my boobs are concerned, sod the apple.

We have recently returned from a lovely holiday at Haven Rockley Park and in the pool my Granddaughter started laughing and said Nan your bazookas are floating. My costume was old and it had lost all elasticity and nothing was being held in place where it should be.

Not a pretty sight.

Funny posts, thank you all.

We were very grateful for the efficiency and kindness shown by the undertaker when MiL died, and as we left the office, having thanked them and settled the bill, I said 'Thank you, hope to see you again soon'

Family members and I were visiting dad in the chapel of rest and I noticed he had his mouth open.

Without thinking before speaking I said that dad looked as if he was snoring - and he'd surely wake the dead!

I work in a school. I was once talking to a parent who owed quite a lot of money for her child's school lunches. Reason? She'd travelled to Poland to be with her dying mother and the arranged and paid for the funeral. She was really upset on the phone about the fact that she owed so much money. I said, wait for it......... "Oh you poor love, please don't worry, I mean, nobody died"!!!! Aaaarrgghhh!

Oh POGS, I sympathise. I have always had trouble with my weight despite eating healthily. I think Newton might have had other things on his mind if he’d been in the vicinity of your giant bazookas. In fact you might have put back science several centuries if you’d been in the same space/time continuum.
Am off to ASDA now so am just making my shopping list - hot cross buns, prawn crisps, choccy bics, doughnuts, ice cream .......