Labelling children.

No girl needs to tolerate being grabbed by a boy if she doesnt want to be. It applies to both sexes but more accutely on our society to girls.

Teaching girls that being "nice" trumps their own body autonomy is not a lesson I would EVER teach my girls. And if someone is touching them in ANY way they dont like they have my blessing to not only shout/swear but also to use physical force.

4 year olds CAN be told not to be physical with others if it is uninvited. They wont always get it right at 4 but their parents/carers should reinforce the concept whenever they get it wrong and should have explained that he was wrong to grab the girl.

"Consent" can and should be taught from toddlerhood and the fact that you think it doesnt apply to 4yr olds and little girls is worrying.

MORE attention needs to be put into teaching this to kids who struggle with social norms, not less! You do your GS a huge misservice if you exempt him from this lesson!

We have always told our children when playing together "its not fun unless its fun for everyone"

If they werent playing nice we told them to "look at their face, they are not enjoying this, please play in a way that everyone enjoys"

Consent can begin to be taught at a very young age

But ultimately it is up to the person who is being touched to chose their own boundaries. Their personal boundaries to not need to be adjusted to suit others needs. In the case of the girls OWN body autonomy, your GSs autism is irrelevant. She has absolute final say in whether or not she wants to be touched by others.

These lessons need to be taught when they are small enough to get it wrong from time to time with no major harm done. If a child lacks social awareness, it'll take longer to teach.

If you wait until he is too big to physically stop before you think HE is ready to learn about not grabbing girls: it'll be way too late!

P.s. Im not blaming your GS for getting it wrong. I am blaming his "adults" for not reinforcing to him that the girl was in the right there

Kids should be allowed to make mistakes. Adults should point them out and help them learn from them.

Back to the lanyard. Well done mum! Others, mind your own business!

I’m fed up of people judging parents’ actions with kids with special needs! They need support, understanding and medals not judgement! No wonder many suffer from depression; they have the responsibility 24/7 with a mostly unsupportive system.

OP, I don’t suppose you took the trouble to speak to the mum and ask why he was wearing the lanyard did you?

notanan2. Not sure about your remark about children being medicated. This is always a last resort and,as lemon grove says, that does not necessarily stop melt downs. I worked with Autistic children for many years and have mixed feelings about the lanyard. We never used them with the children ,but if it does help to avoid nastiness from some members of the public, then maybe it has a use.
If we, as teachers , encountered any trouble ,we always had a card explaining that the child had autism ,along with the school no. If they wanted further information. Usually worked.

My adult son has an autistic spectrum disorder FWIW So does his father and grandfather although not diagnosed it's obvious when observing at the 3 of them that they share the same traits and it's text book high functioning autism. I think having the lanyard is an excellent idea, it gives everyone an idea of what issues the wearer is likely to have and is particularly helpful to emergency services who will hopefully realise that a different sort of approach might be necessary. My son hates strangers touching him and will have a meltdown , even if there is a need for someone to touch him unexpectedly. An explanation before touching is vital. I hope those who have had some training in autism would therefore be aware.

Trendygran I was not the poster saying that autistic children should be medicated to the point of not displaying their traits!

Loislovesstewie, good post, totally agree.

It is easy to hold opinions, but when you live with autism it's the little everyday things that cause the biggest problems/issues.

When an autistic child has an outburst in public onlookers might think, why doesn't that parent control him/her? Not realising the child has a serious problem. I've heard of that happening often.
A label etc could help the public to be more understanding.
But what to put on the label? Is "autistic" enough?

Fennel how about "Hello I am autistic and I see things differently"

Oops posted to soon!!!

On the back there could be advice on how to deal with the child if found separately from their parent/carer.

Notanan2, you say " I would have 100% been on the girls side Audism does not override consent" i agree in principle but surely a little boy trying to hold a girls hand on a bouncy castle regardless of whether they have autism or not is simply them impulsively trying to have fun and enjoy physical contact with another child. I don't think it's as black and white as you make out. The parent of the girl should have politely and sensitivity intervened and the use of the word weirdo is not appropriate. I understand mealybugs frustration. Personally I hope the day never comes when I can't spontaneously hug someone without checking for consent first and please people don't get me wrong.. I do realise that consent is important and that inappropriate touching is unacceptable but let's not lose sight of the fact that touch can also be very healing and spontaneity in touching whether in the young or old can sometimes express positive vibes in ways that's words can't.

My girls are taught that the one time they are allowed to bite/kick/swear/whatever is if they are either grabbed or backed into a corner. No exceptions I will always back them up on that.

If someone is APPROACHING them in an unwanted way I tell them to put out their hand and say "back off" loudly.

But if they are grabbed without warning they have carte blanche. Always.

That does not mean that they are not warm affectionate girls that welcome human contact when it is MUTUALLY invited.

Personally I hope the day never comes when I can't spontaneously hug someone without checking for consent first

Why WOULD you hug someone that has given no indication they want a hug, or no warning that a hug is coming?

Hugs can be lovely. Unwanted hugs are horrible.

Consent is not just about "inappropriate touching". If girls arent given body autonomy generally they will be less equipt to deal with the inappropriate stuff!

Notanan2.. I do get your point i really do. My point is that mealybug doesn't say that her grandson grabbed the other child just wanted to hold hands which could just as easily be interpreted as a nice gesture from a different child. And I'm talking about spontaneous hugs where words don't need to be used regarding whether consent has been granted because you instinctively know. But i worry that political correctness will overtake the unspoken ways in which two people interact meaning that opportunities for physical expressions of comfort or joy will be lost. I don't believe i hug people who don't want to be hugged. Im sure that friend i saw running in the opposite direction just hadn't seen me

I am a bit surprised that a child of 6 or 7 would call a four year old a weirdo in any circumstances. Most children realise that younger children like to play and I am a bit surprised that the girl reacted like she did. Perfectly within her rights obviously but i would have thought her pulling her hand away or saying don’t do that would be more usual than calling a very young child a weirdo.

Probably running for a bus Specky ?

Good posts btw ( Specky) ??

I find many older people have little knowledge of autism or hold ridiculous ideas like, “They’re all brilliant at one thing, like maths”.
Learn a little about it because it’s really common and you’ll immediately recognise that some of your own family or friends are somewhere on the autism spectrum, which goes all the way from a bit different to profound disability.

Thus it ever was Watermeadow I worked with people with Down's and lost count of the times I heard " oh, they are always happy and like music". Grrr.

Oh yes, I've also heard that.
"They're very loving"

Not when they're biting chunks out of you, really.

Goodbye Gransnet, I no longer wish to read the I'll-informed and very often downright nasty opinions of the posters on here. Call yourselves supportive? I say smug and totally oblivious of your own shortcomings ....not all but increasing in number every time I read the posts on here. How can people be so short-sighted and often malicious in the guide of being caring and supportive of others?
Notanan2, I fear you are a voice in the wilderness. Yesterday's post about the team manager in the NHS had you, a voice of reason, banging your head against a brick wall I think. You were accused of being angry by people who wanted to argue with you and who, themselves, had failed to either read or understand the post. Now this.....too much for me I'm afraid !. Fight the good fight notanan2 and those others who really do want to help make others lives a little better by showing that there is love and support out there and a listening ear when in despair. As for the rest.....shame on you