Lifesize dolls for elderly residents

GabriellaG54 My mum went around 1957.It was a special holiday with my aunt and uncle, they drove down. My brother and I were left with my Nana looking after us. Mum came back with loads of stories which we got until she died One of my DSs commented once "Nana keeps telling me about that holiday" to which I was able to retort she's being doing that for 50 years. But I do agree it must have been quite an experience.

Witzend

You put it very well, restless/anxious/confused, all three present in dementia patients, and I think you have to do whatever seems best not to add to the confusion.

My husband and I disagreed. When his mum said, her mum was coming to take her shopping, he’d say she wasn’t, she’d been dead 50 years! I’d just say, is she? thats nice!

I think he wanted to anchor her in the present, I couldn’t see the point

Anything that can give comfort to people with dementia, who are so often restless/anxious/confused - or all three - is surely to be welcomed, whatever it is.

Past a certain stage, dementia sufferers may well no longer be able to partake in 'helpful' domestic activities, since they can no,longer remember what to do, or remember any instructions for more than a few seconds, if that. And trying to 'make' them do things they're no longer properly capable of, may well only make them more anxious and confused.

We all need a hug gonegirl.

Trisher

The French Riviera in the 1950s interested me hugely, after reading a book about 3 young women who travelled to and around that area for 3 months.
I bet your mother's stories would have matched if not bettered the accounts I read and I wish I had been there in my early 20s.
They were the glamour years after Rita Heyworth married Prince Aly Khan in 1949 and the Riviera glittered with class.
Your mother must have had a truly wonderful time.

Once she was in later-stage dementia I did find myself talking to my poor mother as if she were a very small child. E.g. 'Now let's wash your hands' after going to the loo, not to mention, 'No, under the tap, that's right,' - after she was trying to put them down the flushing loo.

My mother's (dementia only) care home was very good at providing activities for those who wanted them - anything from games designed for dementia, and crafts, to singalong sessions and doing their nails - and one lady always laid the tables for lunch or supper - but by a later stage they may simply want to be left in peace - their brains can no longer cope with any sort of confusing instructions.

I gave a lovely big teddy bear back to the charity shop I bought it from when I was having a clear-out a year ago. I still miss that teddy, especially when I'm feeling a bit down. Wish I could get him back.

(I am still of fairly sound mind. I think)

My mother knows her teddy is a teddy. She has even commented that 'people must think it odd'. I said that, as she can't have pets, it is like a substitute cat and she seemed happy with that.

Monica if you mean the care system could be improved I would agree. I think we should also be looking at all the people who are isolated in their own homes. However, if you are looking at how people are cared for in care homes I can only say that within strictures of law and budget what I have seen is people doing the very best they can thoughtfully, kindly and with far more patience than I could muster. I don't know how much difference it makes but Mum's home has a Christian foundation so many people from the community get involved. Perhaps that would help in other homes.

Sara65 yes she was. And this percepion that all people in care homes are mentally challenged needs stamping on the head. Mymother suffered a fall and had medical needs and little mobility so she needed care. The way people were treated in the care homes I vistited would have really annoyed her. Fortunately she died in hospital where the staff still treated her as a functioning and able person in spite of her being 94. Not all old people are losing their marbles.

Showed this to my 93yr old mother, she said “ lovely idea pet, do they make one of Aiden Turner” ?



When my mother developed vascular dementia she was convinced Terry Wogan was popping in every day to water her potted plants and Ozzie Osborne was chairman of the entertainment's committee in her nursing home.

Goodness knows what she'd have made of a life sized doll but I don't think she'd have been impressed unless it was dressed like a butler or a cocktail waiter!

The sort of doll matters though. My mother liked a largish soft doll like you would give a baby. It's something to cuddle just a physical thing really it's not game of pretence.

Trisher

But your mum is obviously still very alert

My mother was due to go into a care home from sheltered housing but I can imagine what she would have said if someone had turned up with these things. First she would have criticised the knitting (she was a professional knitter into her 80s), suggesting that the wrong stitches had been used and finding any mistakes. Then she would have told the organisers that she didn't need dolls to make her remember things and actually she preferred talking about her family now.Then she would have regaled them with a long story about when she went to the French Riviera in the 1950s. They would probably thnk they'd done well helping her remember but any of her family would have told them this was her favourite story which she trotted out regularly. You see strangers sometimes think they are stimulating something, when they are just a new ear and really that is what most old people want some who will listen.

Showed this to my 93yr old mother, she said “ lovely idea pet, do they make one of Aiden Turner” ?

GGMK3 see my two previous posts. I do indeed have experience of working with 2 elderly people with dementia, both when they were at home and when they were in care.

They were in a good (and expensive) care home, with lots of activities, but I feel meaningful activity, such as everyday tasks and care would be more useful.

Yes, there comes a time for many people with dementia when they are passed involvement - and I saw that with my relations - but i think it could have been delayed if they had had more opportunity to use their minds to continue to navigate their day to day life.

It should also be remembered that not all of those in care have dementia, another relations care was enhanced when after a couple of years a new resident with the same intellectual and musical tastes as his moved in. For about 9 months they shared good conversation about books and music and listened to Radio 3 together, then she died and he just retreated to his room for a few more years until he died.

I worked for a while in a small nursing home about 30 years ago. The Matron was lovely and encouraged the residents with dementia to help fold the laundry , do a little dusting and preparing the vegetables . They were very happy doing small tasks . Then the owner of the home told her that relatives had complained that they were used as "skivvies" and the Matron had to stop . I know things have changed now with more insight into the care of people with dementia, but not sure about dolls . We should be encouraging more nurseries and schools to visit care homes and interact with the elderly like those wonderful programmes on TV a while ago .

Monica I wonder if you have anyone who is in the position of needing 24 hour care with conditions which include one or other of the dementias?

My mother could not, in my opinion, be anywhere better. There is plenty of "meaningful occupation" provided and care is personal to each of the residents. The home is extremely well run and while I can see the individual disappearing, the staff can see the individual that is there. They go out of their way to understand what has been their life in the past, what was important, and what they can talk about. There balance of offering care without taking away choice amazes me - I could not do it; I have too much balance of knowing mum as she was affecting me see so clearly who she is now. I did do it until last October but it was becoming detrimental to us both.

Would I want to be approaching my ninety ninth birthday sufficiently along the Alzheimer's road to need full-time care. No, I would rather be dead. But if I am, I don't think your view of care would necessarily be knowledgeable enough. I would feel, if I could join the dots enough to understand, lucky to be in the sort of small community where dolls, cats and lots of activity are available if I chose to take part but where more than that I could have kind, thoughtful care 24 hours a day from people who see me as an individual.

M0nica

I agree with you on that. My mother in law, as you said, was bumbling around at home, quite dangerously though, and pretty quickly she deteriorated, even though the policy of the home, which was small, encouraged the residents to help with the day to day jobs.

Really, the people I think would benefit, are those who are really in the late stages, where they just sit, doze, watch a bit of television, doze again.

I promise you, those years of going back and forth to the home, were very sad, I’d never want to suggest something which would patronise them

My aunt and uncle were childless, a deep sadness for them. My aunt had no experience of childcare and might well have found these 'babies' distressing.

SoniaLScott I would query whether these dolls would bring comfort to many and whether they are not the equivalent of dummies or pacifiers to save people actually addressing the whole problem of providing those in care homes with meaningful occupation.

As I pointed out in an earlier post. Many of those in care were, prior to going into care, bumbling around at home, cooking, cleaning, gardening, not efficiently or well, but active. Once they are in care they do nothing.

I was the responsible family member for an aunt and uncle both with dementia and I saw how there mental state declined rapidly in their first few months in care. Due, I am convinced, to the loss of meaningful occupation.

I don’t honestly believe that any of us can say what our preference will be when we are in a totally different state and place in life.

I think the life size dolls can offer residents a welcome change in their daily routine which can be incredibly boring.

SONIA

Welcome. And I agree

If...and it's a big IF, I ever have to be 'looked after', I'd prefer a comfortably rotund, jolly, African American lady to care for me. One who can bake great cakes and buttered chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy and Portuguese tarts. No dolls.

Is this the real life, Is this just fantasy...

Yes MawBroonsBack I totally agree with you. There seem to be a lot of women in America who have reborn dolls that they treat like real babies and take them out with them shopping and in cafes, etc. where they carry on as if they are alive. It truly gives me the creeps. The husbands seem to go along with it, but maybe they are not really happy about it and only accept it because they think it helps their wives. I watched something on YouTube a couple of years ago and I found it disturbing. If someone has had a stillborn child or miscarriage and does not have any children, which is heartbreaking, then I think they need counselling not fake babies.