When did you last say something meaning something else ?

I once told my son to masturbate his food properly. I meant masticate of course...

MisAdventure. How DO you get rid of homing pigeons?

When my daughter was a teenager she and her friends thought it was hilarious to go into the hairdressers and ask if they did blow jobs. (blow drys)

I just remembered one
I had some Russian gentlemen staying with me as mature students at the local college
One day they came in for their evening meal and announced that today they had bought some sperm I nearly dropped the plates out my hand until the showed me some packets of flower seeds they had bought to take back with them

My neighbour keeps calling one of her plants a syphilis plant and we are 100% sure that's not the right name but it gives us a right chuckle, she can't remember the actual name anyone know what it could be?

We had a delightful French student staying with us, who we hope had a pleasant visit but as she left she thanked us for our hostility! ?

At a family dinner with all grandparents present I told my son that if he didn’t clean his kitchen up it would be full of orgasms which could kill him. Deathly hush then peals of laughter!

A job application letter I read some time ago:-

'I am very experienced in dealing with the pubic'.

I remember a senior teaching colleague, who announced in assembly: "We will now sing 'Lord of All Hopelessness'...."

Oh that gave me a laugh
Love your husbands gaffe pheonix

A teaching colleague, when flustered, would resort to clichés and often muddle two together.

Once, when dealing with a cheeky and disruptive student who was challenging her decision to make him re-write some coursework, she replied,

'You can argue all you like but it's my decision and I'm not going to beat myself around the bush about it!'

My friend's boyfriend, eager to impress her dad was giving him the benefit of his gardening knowledge.
Her dad, starting to warm to him a bit, asked the name of one of his plants, and was told it was a syphilis.

Mr P, at the garden centre a couple of years ago asked a female assistant "Do you have trailing labia?" I'm sorry to say I walked away, biting my lip to prevent giggles!

A long time ago but on my biology mock o,'level paper I wrote that 'an arena is a microscopic orgasm'. My biology teacher had written "you may have discovered something here". At 15 I was in agonies of embarrassment imagining the laughs in the staff room. ?

Well, they never went anywhere for years because of his homing pigeons, and she was never that keen, really.

getting rid of the pigeons, and so on

Johno
The guy BlueBelle spoke to was probably as well if not better versed in digital comms as you and I, however, at peak times any broadband can 'go slow' and it also depends on how far you are from the 'box'.
Most people know that compensation can be paid but it's not really cricket to complain if it's a one off.
You can always reset your router which often allows it to reconnect with the signal.
I do that with my phone.

My aunt was married to a very controlling man for most of her life, and when he died she started to 'live a little, by painting the rooms bright colours, getting rid of the pigeons, and so on.

She had always wanted a short, sassy haircut, but her husband preferred it long, so she had booked a hairdressers appointment.
On the bus there she was practising what she needed to say "A cut and blow dry"...

When she got there and they asked what she wanted, she blurted out "A wash and blow job please!"

A good few years ago I was talking with friends about my decorating skills and decided to take the dildo rails off the walls. Dado rails was obviously what I meant. As I was in the pub a few heads turned and my friend politely told me what I had said. I was a bit surprised as to why I would say such a thing as I had never owned one!

Not me but someone I know. He was on holiday with family during an extremely hot spell.
They all met downstairs in the hotel to go for dinner, wife, son and his wife, daughter and her husband, and granddaughter. He was sitting in a chair, wiped out with the heat and said..... "Is anyone feeling this heat as much as me, my foreskin (forehead) is sweating."
Everyone fell about laughing. He was so embarrassed. He is a man who doesn't swear and would be mortified if he ever offended anyone.

It was his wife who told us one evening we were all out for dinner and needless to say, hilarity ruled.
It may be that you would need to know him to understand just how funny this must have been

Oh these are good ???

Many years ago I had taken a box of bric a brac to ds1 school for the fete white elephant stall.

Dh noticed that I had included a rather hideous decorative plate that MIL had given us, and asked me to get it back.I

Next morning I called in to the school office and asked the secretary to look out for it.

It was only when I got back in the car that I realised I had told her that it depicted "Scrooge being visited by the ghost of Bob Marley"

Surely it was twit?

Virtually the same type of conversation as you BlueBell.
Except I said I would give him a banana! ?
It was lunch time and the call had gone on for time.

I have on occasion said that someone has been a bit of 'Tuesday Wednesday And Thursday'.

But mainly just say Twerp