In total panic

Some of you have missed a vital point here - perhaps you are not aware of Annie's history. She made that promise when her daughter was ill and unhappy a couple of years ago. Annie feels that her death still does not release her from that promise. Telling her to get a copy made of the key and so on is NOT helpful, if anything if makes it worse.

If the issue is that you promised your daughter to leave the door open, can you get a key safe and program it with your daughters birthday or a date that was special to her so it would not be locked to her?
That's an excellent idea, icanhandthemback

Several of us have suggested the key safe but programming it with a date special to your darling daughter is a very good idea.

Don't leave your door unlocked, give your daughter a key.

My uncle has a box at the front door with a code he can give people to get in. I couldn’t possibly leave my door unlocked. I’d be terrified I’d wake up one night with that woman in my bedroom saying she was worried ‘something might have happened to you’.

It does sound as if you might be over reacting Annie. One visit from this woman is hardly intimidation and others are agreeing with what you are saying but you are not being intimidated. If you called the Police about this they might be annoyed as you actually have no foundation for a complaint only what neighbours have said to you. Police are far, far too busy to be told about a neighbour calling on you once. Also Police could not take you seriously if it was known that you do not lock your door. Please do what is necessary to protect yourself as much as possible but do not unnecessarily involve emergency services over one visit from your neighbour, however unpleasant she was

This is the first time I have been on GN today. Hope you are feeling better today Annie and feel the support of your GN friends. ?

The old phrase ‘Good fences make good neighbours’ springs to mind here but exchange the word fences with locks!

I have very good neighbours but one is a little too familiar for my liking in that she will happily wander round the back, in through the conservatory, kitchen and hallway, merrily shouting yoohoo as she comes!

I know she was best friends with a neighbour for 40 years in her previous home so probably thinks it okay but it’s not my way ( I always knock and wait at her front door, indeed, anyone’s door) anyway I’ve taken to closing gates/doors now that seems to have done the trick.

Finding a balance is mostly down to you but feeling safe is paramount for all especially as we get older.

A lovely post Elegran which I can totally understand
I hope you feel more settled today Annie. Hugs. xxxx

Anniebach, please try and learn to lock your door for your own safety - let your daughter get a key cut if there is a chance she will need to enter or get to you in an emergency - or consider the key safe others have suggested. You do not need to have contact with anyone that intimidates or frightens you and nobody should be trying to upset you or forcing conversations that make you uncomfortable or that bring up painful memories for you.

If you feel this woman is a threat then ask your local police or community officers to call round and discuss steps you can take to protect yourself and your home. I've had problem neighbours (and got some now too) so would advise that you don't wait or allow the situation to get any worse - nip it in the bud as such. You have a right to feel safe in your own home and a right to emotional privacy come to think of it - if this neighbour has 'problems' or mental health issues they should not be your concern.

Also, here's hoping your spinal X-Ray is OK and you have nothing to worry about - I'm guessing that having to go out for the X-Ray is stressful enough for you.

Please stay safe - the stress of this situation will almost certainly affect your agoraphobia, and as someone who also has agoraphobia I hate to think of you suffering further - thinking of you and hoping you can resolve this 'neighbour situation'.

A man in my street with a mobility problem has a keypad entry system. It might be worth getting one so that you dont need to lock your door with a key and can give the code to only those who need it. This woman might have mental health difficulties and not be meaning to be unkind or cruel but avoid her of she makes you afraid.

Annie, is there some way you could persuade your head that you've left a key somewhere your dead daughter could find it, so you could lock your door? Maybe keep a spare under a picture of her?

Anniebach, don’t know if you have any type of faith at all, or a belief in heaven, but if so, imagine your daughter is watching you from above....what would she say about leaving your door unlocked?! She would be upset you are leaving yourself VERY vulnerable, and not just to the dangerous neighbour!
Find a secret place, perhaps in back garden, to hide a key, then younger daughter can always get in IF she forgets her own key!

Misty - I’m sorry but I find your post unacceptable, unhelpful to anniebach to say the least and unfair to the neighbour. Do you really know what a psychopath is?

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Annie, this is obviously an issue of anxiety so telling you to just lock the door is probably unhelpful. However, anxiety is a mindset that needs a little more careful thinking to get over the hurdles it puts in your way. If the issue is that you promised your daughter to leave the door open, can you get a key safe and program it with your daughters birthday or a date that was special to her so it would not be locked to her? I am so glad you have a safety chain now. It is a very good first step in reframing your thoughts. x

Bit harsh Gab your reply. I would advise that you speak to the police, who might well just give her a friendly warning, and yes the police do do this, it happened to my daughter. Either put the safety chain on the door or get a key safe. Turn away from her when she starts to talk and move away.

Entirely agree with Annsixty - what would you and your family feel if intruders walked in..............?!

I totally understand how unsettling it is to think someone may be prowling around your home, looking through windows etc.

There are some quite colourful characters around here (to put it nicely) and I'm always sure not to look at them or engage; in short, not to give them any thoughts that I may like them to visit.
The thought fills me with dread!

Home is my sanctuary, and I strive to keep it that way.

I would be quite frightened if someone came here, uninvited, even though my circumstances are different to Annie's.

Hi Anniebach, I hope today is better than yesterday ??

Annsixty your posts are all kind and thoughtful ?

Annie, I have only just found this thread as I have been away, but now returned home.
What a horrible situation this is for you. I haven’t read all of the thread as it’s five pages long and I’ve only just found it, so apologies if it has been said before. I feel desperately sorry that you are having to contend with this woman. She obviously has problems but you must ignore her. I would advise don’t open the door to her, don’t speak to her at all if you can help it. She clearly didn’t know your daughter, and you must hold that thought in your head, whatever she does. That really is the best advice I can offer, just have nothing whatsoever to do with her.

Wilma, just before me!

Looking through the replies here I can't see any suggesting you give your daughter a copy of your key. I had one for my daughter to go in with grandaughter after nursery. I gave MY mum one to our house. Daughter leaves it in granddaughter's bag now as I lost it. BAD GRAN!.

Can’t you get a spare key cut and give it to your daughter? That would solve the problem and you could keep. The door locked. Put up some thicker net curtains or blinds so that she can’t see in and don’t answer the door.
I hope you can sort something out. Hugs

Whitewave, I thought your post to Annibach was thoughtful & helpful. It’s a shame Annie didn’t see it as that.

I know annie I hope I didn’t imply that you did, but it was a suggestion that I hoped helped you move on. It was made in good faith and not at all intended to be critical. I know what an hour or two with friends does to my spirits, where we can laugh and chatter - it is like a breath of fresh air, and I was hoping for the same for you.

As I understand it you appear to have spent two years in your dwelling and are desperate to conquer your acrophobia, I just thought this might help you forget it for a while.