Would you ask?

The way things are, the OP is a childminder, though not registered. Perhaps she could approach Child Services at the local council and find out about registration. As she has her GC more or less full time, her home must be quite well equipped to deal with them. She could then inform her AC how much they are saving by taking her so mercilessly for granted.

I would ask the parents to send them with a packed lunch ansd that would save you the time and money preparing lunch . Also the food sent will then hopefully be food they like. Hopefully no washing up either just put any uneaten food back in their picnic bag. As children expect to be offered activities in the day it's not just a matter of watching them but keeping them occupied and happy.

It's not grandparent abuse - how ridiculous.
BoPeep, you need to stand up for yourself. Tell your AC children what you need in order to watch their children. There are plenty of options you can work out with them.
What you cannot do is say nothing and then complain about it or put yourself into financial dire straits and harm your relationship with your DH.
It might be uncomfortable, but a conversation needs to happen. Offer them a couple of options that you are comfortable with - either they provide food or payment to you.
Don't leave it up to them to create and suggest a solution. Give them two options that work for you and ask them to choose.
If they react poorly then that is on them, not you.

I read that post on Mumsnet and couldn't understand why the mum was annoyed. She should be providing food ,nappies etc for her child. She could have provided a months worth at a time. I looked after my friend's grandchild a few days a week from he was a baby as his mum was young and needed to work. All she provided was nappies I had to but everything else because she always " forgot" them. It actually got acbotvmuch as I was doing her a favour and it was costing me every week. Never even got a bunch of flowers on my birthday. Never a thank you.
Years further on when my grandchildren come to stay I have everything here for them. My daughter will send nappies and wipes often but I buy them too.
I think if I was having as many children as abo peep I would be saying , " Could you just bring what you think they would like for lunch and dinner as Im on a limited budget" I'm amassed at the mum/ mum's who don't think like that.
I also know I don't have the energy to look after children the way I used to do even five years ago. Things change,we get older and you might have to say to you DD or DDil that you will have to negotiate child care as you are finding it hard going now. Why doesn't it enter their head that it's quite a lot to ask some to do six days a week?

I'm with Lyndilou here.
FOUR children, five days a week for weeks on end with no proper financial arrangement. What a cheek some of these entitled parents have.
7and 9 year olds can be big eaters, and even if they waste it, you still had to buy the food, cook it using your gas/electricity.
You need to have a proper conversation with your son and DIL. I think them doing an online shop is a good idea, plus some extra cash for outings, ice creams etc.
Also you'll be wiped out, children take up all your time and energy so see if you can do it for fewer days.
I can't believe they haven't considered any of this.
Fuming on your behalf!

I get the feeling that the OP wants a solution that doesn't require her to discuss the issues with her children or ask for money, or tell them that six days a week is too much.

Unfortunately that is impossible. If she really wants a solution before she has a physical and mental breakdown., she has to face up to her children and tell them the truth.

To be honest the children sound a selfish bunch otherwise they would have worked out for themselves, that expecting their mother to work six days a week caring and feeding their children was utterly unreasonable, but I suspect the OP has always spoilt and indulged the children and now she is reaping what she sowed.

There is a well known saying 'Spare the rod and spoil the child', not that I am advocating corporal punishment, but if children are brought up with a mother who is their slave, then they will expect the slave to continue slaving, even when they are finding the work expected of them is too much.

I cannot see anyway of resolving this problem that will not end in tears, outraged children, or a grandmother in hospital with her health ruined by her selfish children.

I would be honest and up front. Tell your son and dil that you love having the children, but that things are a bit tight at the moment and you're afraid you won't be able to supply nutritious meals throughout the holiday.

Bopeep14. Sorry! I will stand in the corner/ go to the naughty step after this for not taking in the details - excuse i am having a migraine i think it's the weather still thundery.

FOUR children SIX days a week THREE meals a day on your own and not paid not even for the meals!!

Sorry! That is grandparent abuse!

I don't think I can say any more.... but I will try

I hope you are very young and fit and that your house is an easy place to manage this wide range of ages... maybe you can put the older ones to work, cooking... minding the toddler...

The parents MUST pay for their children's food! It goes without saying! If you had them for a day, or invited them for a holiday even that might be different. But this is an arrangement for the convenience of your children and a service they need which they must learn to appreciate and recognise is incurring expenses for you!

How old are you OP? obviously if you'd prefer not to say, I respect that. I just ask because it seems such hard work! My middle DD has 4 DC and she is early 40s and she goes to bed when they go to bed! Who does their washing btw?

It is time to get real now not "two weeks in." Two weeks in is too late. By the time they have ummed and ahhed there will be no resolution before the holiday is over.

This all sounds like a bad idea to me. Your AC should be looking for other ways to amuse their DC who are school age while on holiday as far as they can. There are clubs and courses they cam attend. Mine did one at least each every summer, just so they could have a different experience at something they didn't do at school.

You say that your AC could not afford child care. But if you are in the UK they will get Child Allowance. They can pay you that while their children are with you, as well as the cost of the food. I would say the food should be at least £5 per child a day for 3 meals. At least.

On another subject I got a different impression of the MumsNet letter. I thought the mum was not able to get on with her MiL and the MiL was not trying to get on with her. The mum was bringing her son there as a favour because the MiL seemed to want to have him for a day. It was not easy for the mum to drive there and back and with full time work approaching she was worried about the load it added. She found it hard to cope with the MiL's attitudes which were petty like fussing about "who's wipes?" when it really did not matter. She felt that the MiL begrudged everything that her DGS needed while with her and would not even buy his food or milk, even if she (mum) paid her for it, but made mum buy it and bring it which meant it got warm on the long journey. I saw the MiL as being deliberately cold and awkward towards her DiL, for whom I felt rather sorry. The MiL had kept her own son so short of food he was malnourished as a child and she is too thin yet complains that she is too fat, and calls her normal-weight DGS toddler names to suggest he is fat. I think she has problems and I would not be happy to leave my child with her tbh. With the FT work coming up I would stop this long journey, if I were the mum, and send DS to the Nursery as she prefers anyway. Many people advised this. If the GPs want to see him they can make the journey. Mum has done it all this time, now it is their turn. I did not think she was being selfish or feeling entitled, she told us she took him there, although it was a terrible journey, because the in-laws wanted to be with him. She was doing it for them. The food etc was not about the money it was about how difficult the MiL made it for her.

You certainly have your work cut out, and only Sunday for yourself once the school summer holidays begin! I am guessing that you probably do the childcare for the older ones during the other school holidays as well. Time for some changes to be made, or these arrangements could go on for a very long time. I think both you and your husband need to have a chat with their parents as all this childcare has an effect on both of you in the long run.
It's not always possible to do the same amount for each AC with the best will in the world, and you have said you feel you have to do this to be fair to them. I think often AC children do not always realise that we can't always help them out financially/ practically and take things for granted.
Unless you tell them that there has to be some changes they will just expect to continue in the same way. Surely the school aged GCs parents could use some annual leave for a couple of these weeks so that eases your workload. I would suggest you write a list of all the items you have to provide and ask them to bring them at the start of each week as you cannot afford to keep providing them. Also that you are going to have to start cutting back on the hours you can help with as it's becoming too much physically now. They are lucky to have your help, but not at the expense of your finances and time.

Bopeep14.
I do see your point. Two extra children for three meals is quite a lot. I don't know how well you get on with your DiL. Would it be easier to ask your son if he could just give you a bit of cash towards the extra food? I am sure he would understand, after all, living on a pension is very restricting - I know!
I read that thread on MumsNet and thought that the Mum was more having trouble with her relationship with the MiL. It wasn't about the money, but the attitude of her MiL that bothered her, such as making her husband so thin he was almost malnourished and then calling her little boy fat. The MiL sounded rather a fusspot to me but I also wondered if the mum was under stress. She said it wasn't about money and that she took her son there, although it was a really long journey and she'd find it easier not to, because she thought her in-laws wanted to bond with him.

But not to worry about her - you are important here! I think your DS and DiL are so lucky to have you! I certainly did not have any of that sort of support from my husband's family when I was a young mum!

Have you asked the little one's mum what he likes to eat? (I'm sure you have - sorry! Just wish I could help!)

Apart from asking your son, I'm stuck for suggestions - sorry!

I wish you a lot of fun and happiness in the summer holidays with your DGC. It is a great compliment that your DS and DiL leave their DC with you! They must appreciate you! They certainly should!

Its time you pointed out the costs you are incurring to both families. My parents sometimes had my children when I worked but I either went to the supermarket with mum and paid for the shopping or gave her money . Its awful that your families dont pay for food or bring it with them - you need to tell them that they need to supply food. What about snacks, days out etc?
Are they really not taking any leave during the summer - or will you have fewer children some weeks?
TBH they should be paying to send each of the younger children to a minder or nursery at least one day per week. You need some down time and one day a week is not sufficient. You love your children and grandchildren but you should not be paying for the privilige of bringing up the kids.
I read that post on MN- she really came across as unreasonable.

I don't think all four belong to the same parents, Pippa - but they are all taking advantage imo.

I am astounded! Six days a week looking after four children from 7.30 in the morning until after evening meal. These parents are really taking the piss with the grandparents. And the grandparents are allowing themselves to be used, it is a disgrace.
I don’t know which is worse not getting any payment towards the cost of all this childcare or being expected to look after the children for so many hours.
It is difficult to understand how the grandparents got themselves in this position but presumably it has gone on for years.
The children’s parents must be entitled to holidays, why don’t they use the holiday in school holiday time to give the grandparents a break. You would think that the parents might actually like to spend time with their own children, having chosen to have four of them.
What very selfish parents, martyr grandparents and poor children.

Bopeep, do you think your family are aware of how you feel? Couldn’t your husband drop a few hints?

I think our adult children never see us getting older, maybe they don’t want to, mum and dad always have to be there for them, no matter what age!

BlueBelle
Making it 'crystal clear' as to how much babysitting I was/am willing to offer (other than real emergencies) meant that I was not promising what I could not or did not want to offer, nor was/am I in the position of providing A-Z × ? days a week and feeling guilty about saying anything.
There are more than a few GNers who, whilst obviously loving their GC, feel taken advantage of, put upon, tired, and feel the pinch financially, yet feel they can't broach tbe subject in case DD or DiL stops GC visiting at other times or starts a row.
This isn't a good scenario and one which I was keen to avoid.
You've no doubt read many threads and comments on the subject so you're aware of just how fraught a situation it can be.
Business model? That's your term.
I'd describe it as being upfront about my position regarding childcare during my retirement, so there is no resentment on either side.

Hya Could you look after the children part of the time in their parents home. Then at least you can use all their food! Also ask one of the parents to collect you and drop you off. I look after my GD in her home 1 and a half days a week on the full day usually my SIL gives me a lift home. In your case though it's not just the money, it's FAR too much to expect you to do it all. You've got to sort it out now. Xx

Here it comes again - the sense of entitlement. How much better life would be, how many rows and how much boiling resentment could be avoided if people didn't just assume that someone else was going to provide everything. If my child was cared for by a friend,even for a few hours, there were always nappies, a fruit snack, a change of clothes and toiletries in the bag - I wouldn't assume that anybody, family members included, was to pay for my child's necessities. My Mum always kept a supply of everything needed in her cupboard, and she insisted upon buying the items as she loved to get baby things for her adored GC in Boots and keep a change of clothes that she had bought. I wouldn't have assumed she should do so if she hadn't insisted.

I saw that post, and gosh, yes difficult. Of course nappies and suchlike should be provided, but for one day a week for one small child it would be better for the grandparents to buy things the child likes and keep them there and mum pay for them, I think the mum mentioned fish fingers, and driving nearly an hour to them, by that time they would have been half melted. A few bits like that don't take up much room do they. It needs to be made easier for both of them. I couldn't wade through all of it but did wonder if that set of grandparents had put pressure on them to have the child as the other grandparents had the child too, certainly it did not sound like an ideal solution. I have to declare an interest as when my children were small because of eczema they were on soya milk, and we would visit for the weekend and sometimes it was on the train. They would not buy a box of soya milk when they were at the supermarket , buying their cows milk, so always had to bring it. My mother saw no problem in popping a box in the trolley when we visited my parents also a longish trip. Or other things that they liked, such as juice, the other ones it was water or beer, so it was not the cost, as am sure that a bottle of beer cost more than juice, which we watered down, did. And obviously the only choice was water as toddlers are too small for beer, but it was the same when I was pregnant. If we didn't take extra food we'd sometimes be hungry, again, a pain on the train, or even in the car, as even if we'd been asked to arrive at teatime, and they knew what time we were coming, tea was never ready [eventually we got wise to that and ate en route]; when they visited we took account of their likes and dislikes and always made sure that there as plenty to eat as that's just me, I find it most hospitable if visitors are well fed with food that we know they like.
So sometimes there can be deeper issues, and the complaint about needing to bring food etc can just be a clash of cultures

Cotton wool and lotion are more environmentally friendly than wipes which are mainly plastic and not recyclable.

I am with everyone who says it is all too much. You are now a decade older than when you started the childcare lark. A lot can happen to you in those ten years. You need time off! The money issue is up to you.

I am a grumpy nana I think.....I brought up 6children. ( 7 counting my husband) and never had a days help from anyone....subsequently when g/c arrived 17 to date ..I would not mind them for any length of time...because I could not pick and choose..I would love their visits and always bought treats for them but I needed to work and if they were working then they must pay or lower their expectations till children were older...why do I hear that it’s a different generation now when all it is is a perish generation ..maybe 1 or even 2 occasionally but put some thought into an older persons life

I was exhausted reading the OPs schedule- can’t imagine finding that enjoyable. It’s way too much. How would they cope if you were ill or had an appointment? The AC obviously think you have no life of your own. I think you should tell them 6 days a week is too much and you need some support and to cut down the hours.

Well, Bopeep, you've told us what you do for your family, now what do they do for you?

When we have our grandkids I usually ask if my DD can provide them with lunch - especially if we are going out for the day. If they are staying for tea they just eat what we eat as I always make too much anyway

My parents looked after my sisters 2 daughters for 6 days a week because of the shifts she and her husband worked. one week was from breakfast until 6pm and the next week from end of school at 3.30pm until school drop off the next morning. My mum finally flipped as they gave her nothing. The next day they arrived with a box of cereal and the girls refused to eat it!