Grandparents who show no interest in their grandchild.

She needs to drop the rope. Sadly, some GPs are simply not interested in being GPs.

Her son has you. If she would like him to have another set of GPs, she might see if she can find a lovely, lonely senior or senior couple in her community who could be adopted GPs. My parents are adopted GPs to family from their church who have no relatives in the area.

Does MiL hate the idea of being a GM, because it makes her feel old? I know a GF who never admitted he had any GC because it made him feel old, (silly boy) he WAS old but his wife made up for him being disinterested, by the time he realised this they weren't too upset whether they saw him or not. Best your DD just gets on with it, just carry on sending photos etc., but don't push it. You just carry on enjoying the GC.

Do nothing, leave the grandparents alone, certainly do not drag the poor child around to their doorstep, like Little Lord Fauntleroy. If they do not want to fill the role of grandparents, nothing you do will change their minds.

Accept their decision. Leave them be, perhaps a photo of the children in their card at Christmas but nothing more.

The children will not suffer because one set, or even both sets of grandparents play no part in their life. My DH grew up with no functioning grandparents and plenty of children past and present have been in that situation and not suffered in any way. His parents just accepted it and so did he.

The one thing that will cause your children distress is you getting your knickers in a twist about trying to build a relationship where two of the people supposed to be involved are not interested in having one. You will never succeed.

Anyway why are you all so obsessed by building this relationship? Yes, I know it is the fairytale picture, children, 2 parents and 2 sets of doting grandparents. Just how many children actually have families like that? With divorce, remarriages, deaths, very few indeed. So stop seeking the unattainable.

Accept what you have got and give the uninterested grandparents and the confused little boy a break.

Thanks for your replies everyone. gonegirl the suggestion of knocking on their doors is a good one but unfortunately everyone works plus his mum and stepdad are both really heavy smokers and grandson is asthmatic. Luckily grandson has a good relationship with us and his great grandad -mother in laws dad. I have told my daughter to take a step back and never to refuse to let said mother in law see the new baby when she arrives but I can see where she's coming from.

Wise advice from mumofmadboys

I agree, some people simply don’t want to engage with young children, to be honest I don’t think it’s that unusual, she may connect with them better when they’re a bit older.

If I were your daughter I’d just give her the opportunity of seeing the children, but not force it, as others have said, it’s her loss!

One set of loving grandparents is more than some children have

My D did seperate from her husband after 23 years of marriage, they have 2 children now aged 20 and 16.
Their paternal GP' S have never shown any interest in them.
They are now both in their 90's so the situation is not going to change.
The GM is a step and has no children of her own.
They showed very marginal interest when they were born but none since.
They send cheques at Christmas and birthdays but that is it.
My D and GC are just used to it.
When they visit me they will call about once a year but 15 mins and they will leave again.
I don't think that they give them a thought between those visits.

Cheekychops...if your daughter can step back and try not to worry about this (perhaps you could help by not making too much of the problem).
She would find her children won’t care too much either!
They have you for a good example.
Just let her do her own thing without comment.

One thing Gonegirl said got me thinking...does her son visit of his own volition, does she seem happy with the relationship between you all in general?

Yes it is sad but clearly the lady in question does not want any involvement. I agree with
mumofmadboys too. Your grandchildren have loving parents and you cheekychops so they are lucky in that. Just accept that's how things are and enjoy your family life. Don't close the door though its always possible things may change.

I think it is a very sad situation. I do not understand how anyone could not want to see and be involved in the life of a grandchild. (And I feel sorry for anyone estranged through no fault of their own)

However, we are all different. Must admit, I didn't particularly want to be a grandparent, but when our DGC were born and I first held them in my arms, that rush of love for them was describable.

Some women aren't particularly maternal. I had a colleague who avoided babies, toddlers, and young children too because she found them a nuisance and tiring. She had a very full life, intended to live it and used to say she didn't enjoy motherhood much. Fortunately her daughter didn't want children and she described that as 'dodging a bullet".

I would stop making overtures if I were your daughter. Her MIL needs to make the first move. It will only be upsetting for the grandchildren if her mother in law blows in and out of their lives with no real interest and little commitment.

She's clearly just not maternal. I must admit (apart from my DC) I was never interested in babies or children until they could engage, which is a fault in me.

It's a shame for both sides but I think your DD should just give up. If her DH wants to engage his DM, let him. It's clearly not against your DD and GC since she's like it with the other GC.

I totally agree with mumofmadboys you can’t make someone react how you want or expect them to Perhaps mum in law isn’t interested in children or maybe she has her own problems but none of that makes a scrap of difference she has made her decision not to engage and there’s nothing you can do about it so you are causing yourselves unnecessary worry
Your grandkids have one set of grandparents and that is more than many, I have two grandkids who literally have one mum and one nan nothing else at all
It is what it is

Does your son in law ever visit her?

Does your daughter ever take grandson and knock on her door? Perhaps after school one day.

I think your DD just has to accept it and not react or get upset by it. She needs to change because it is unlikely her MIL will change. I think she should let MIL see new baby when MIL wishes to.At least one set of GPs are interested. It is the MIL who is missing out and your GS will notice her disinterest if he hasn't already. It is important it doesn't cause rows between your DD and SIL . Hope things improve.

This is a new one on me, how very sad. Poor children, they've done nothing. I can't/don't really understand this non-interest as I've never come across it.
Grandchildren are a delightful part of life and I'm so thankful that I've been a part of all of them in the family including step-grandchildren too.