Grandparents who show no interest in their grandchild.

Sad lady - she is missing so much, but then so are the grandchildren. We had a slightly worse scenario in that the Gps made a lot of fuss of the eldest and ignored the younger sibling all together .

Well there wouldn't be much point in refusing to let her see the baby - it's would be a punishment that would completely miss its mark, given that she's not interested :D

I Agree with Izabella. Not everyone is enamoured if small children. Many find them boring with the endless repetitive questions and 'why?'to every answer. You can probably tell I'm a bit like that myself although I love older children and find them endlessly entertaining.
The MIL might also be keeping her distance to avoid being asked to provide free childcare as so many grandparents seem to do these days.
Just don't push it.

My ex is a bit like this. When I told him Tommy was coming to stay with me he asked Tommy who?However once daughter actually takes the child to see him he is friendly enough and gives him money.

Maybe she likes her freedom, and doesn't want her time to be taken up with babysitting or activities involving the children. I can't understand how anyone could be that way, but there are plenty of selfish people in this world.
I can't understand the children's father being so accepting of the situation, and even defending her attitude. Was she a good mother to her own children? Maybe she was self-involved when they were young, too.
All you can really do is accept that she is that way, and be glad that they have one set of grandparents that want to connect with them.
I was unlucky enough to have no grandparents, as they all died before I was born. I survived!

Mine's a slightly different take on this but my son is now in his 30's....I split from his father when I was expecting him and it was a very bitter parting.
He has never seen his son, contributed towards his upbringing, sent a card - nothing at all.
I contacted his parents and explained that despite the situation with him, I'd be really happy for them to see/have some involvement with their grandchild.
The response was to ignore me and any overture I made.

Many years have past and likewise, all of my feelings of pain, hurt, anger and bitterness etc have passed too.

My son is a wonderful man and it's their loss BUT I know he's felt it over the years and in my opinion, it's his feelings and the feelings of every other child in this situation we should be thinking about.

I do wonder if these people ever think about that?

I had very little to do with my Paternal GM, maternal ones died when I was very young and paternal GF died when my own father was young.
I never felt I missed out, I don’t think it was common in those days.
Families tended to be larger so, lots of GC.
My GM lived with her D so her C got priority, I don’t think any of my other cousins had much close contact with her.

I grew up like this - my paternal grandmother just wasn't interested, and although we lived in the same village never called round - we always had to go to her. When I was an older teenager I stopped visiting as it was pretty pointless. I did have a close relationship with the other side of the family (who lived miles away!) and honestly, that was enough for me.

You say your DD is thinking of not letting MIL see the new baby when it is born but presumably she won't want to! I would just let things jog along don't make contact for a while, no pictures etc, see if anything happens. Does she send her own son a birthday card? Surely he can explain why his mother might have this attitude.

There have been many threads on GN with paternal grandparents feeling left out of their DGC's lives. They made me think back to my PIL and whether, unintentionally, we had pushed them out because we were more involved with my DP. But truly they were really just uninterested in our children. Maybe FIL might have been a bit more interested than MIL but he was very much under her thumb and had to pander to her wants all the time.
So don't make a big thing about your DD's MIL being disinterested just leave the door open in case she does change . You DGC gets all that he needs from your family and that's all that matters.

Children don’t really need grandparents and vice versa. In this case, they have one set of involved grandparents which is plenty.
MIL isn’t necessarily missing out just because she isn’t interested in maintaining a close relationship with her DGC. She probably has other interests that consume her.
I hated my Grandmother as she was a complete cow and treated my mum very badly. Granddad was kind but died when I was quite young.
I see my DGS about once a year for about 4 days when they visit us but rarely contact him at other times. I’m just too busy. I know his other granny FaceTimes him weekly and I think that’s lovely.
I’ll wait until he’s a bit older and can spend more time with us, if he wants to.

I think your daughter should go with the flow, make sure her children know there are two sets of grandparents, (I presume) remember them when it is their birthdays and certainly at Christmas, but other than that, just see how things pan out. I don't think the children will be missing out at all, and as they get older, they can make their own decisions about whether they want to keep in contact. Life is a little too short to worry about what other people do, or don't do.

DD has no grandparents as all had passed away before she was born. I asked her about whether she feels bereft in any way and she doesn't!

I had 4 grandparents and in regular touch with them all. I can't remember them being"interested" in me in any way (other than being given the odd thruppence) and as I recall this was the way things were back then.

I wonder sometimes whether some people are overinvolved in their families and the precedent has been set by these families for other families to feel that they are somehow odd, neglectful or just plain different if they do not respond in the required way to a new grandchild?

Some people may just have better things to do.

It really doesn't matter, your gc have you at least they have one set of loving grans.

Well , it's the MiL that is missing out - but some people just aren't interested in babies and young children and she may well have the attitude that she has brought up her son to an adult so has done her bit!
Unfortunately there is little that your daughter can do - your SiL seems to have accepted that is the way his mother is, so suggest that she keeps in contact, let her see the newborn only if she either turns up or contacts them and asks to see the baby! Really sad, but "you can take a horse to water, but you can't make them drink" springs to mind!

We have this situation and I agree with Esther1. Keep the door open but don’t worry about it, sad though it may be.

My MIL was not interested in our 2DC but to be fair she had 13 others before them and had lost the plot by the time ours came along ?

Whenever there is a thread such as this I am struck by the inability of many to understand that some women just do not like children/cannot be bothered/are not maternal and so on. I understand that most of us love and cherish our grandchildren, but should we also not respect that others do not feel the same? Those women will contribute to society - just in a different way - and I do not feel it is up to anyone else to judge.

Having spent the last 20 odd years of my career in paediatrics and working with families, this scenario is a lot more commonplace than usually realised.

I hesitated prior to posing this as I realise I may need to duck beneath the parapet, but I feel it just had to be said. Apologies if anyone is offended.

Since she is totally uninterested in him, it will probably just be a lesson in rejection.

I think you might be over-thinking it.

Or - you could be teaching him a lesson about caring about other people. (In this case, his other granny)

Because it is trying to force the child on the grandparents and why on earth should you do that unless you think your child is so sweet and winsome that his golden locks and big blue eyes, or whatever his colouring may be, will win the grand parents over - as in Little Lord Fauntleroy

Monica why would you think calling on someone on the way home from school to see how they are, would be dragging him round "like little Lord Fauntleroy"?!

Honestly, just don’t worry about it. As long as mil knows she is welcome to see her grandchildren whenever, it is up to her. No point in making an issue of it. If invitations to visit are not taken up it is simply her choice and her loss. I literally live for my grandchildren now and would be with them every minute of every day - but each to their own. We are not all the same and that’s fine.

cheekychops ( great name, I remember adults saying this to me as a child)
If grandparents can’t even be bothered to send a card and a present for their DGC or want to see them, then they don’t deserve to be a part of their lives.Your DD should forget about them, and your DGC will be happy with your involvement.