Family Group Meeting

I think my son’s family could do with this, probably including the other set of grandparents who are local to the family, and very helpful and supportive. I am not apportioning blame but I can see there are major issues that need to be resolved. Grandparents have a role to play.

I think it is a great opportunity, especially if there is an outsider to help to mediate. I hope your meeting goes well, OP.

Sorry to hear that H

Situation escalated today GS refused to go to school and DD went to work and left him at home. I called school.

Thanks for all your comments

I suspect she means 'most families can benefit'.....of those for whom it has been recommended!

The GC will not be present at this meeting

Most families can benefit from family therapy in some way or another.

Whaaat???!! Why?

I was involved in family therapy as a junior doctor doing child and adolescent psychiatry. Most families can benefit from family therapy in some way or another. Go with an open mind and listen carefully to what your GC and DD say. You may well learn a lot about them you didn't know. Try and make any comments you say gentle and loving and try not to retaliate if your DD says harsh things. I wish you well Hilda. I imagine you will have a therapist in the room with you to facilitate unless they listen behind a one way glass.

Attachment disorder is nothing to do with split families and punishment.

You can have attachment disorder, having been brought up by Mummy and Daddy in the leafy suburbs. You can have it if you had one parent and were brought up in a drain pipe in India.

Attachment disorder is the name given to children in such households where families have split up and also where punishment is the norm.

Although children are generally resilient they can be affected by a dysfunctional life which in turn affects their behaviour because their mental capacity for dealing with an abusive household is limited and also confusing.

The meeting will be to try and solve what's causing your DD to behave like she does toward the children which in turn has a knock-on effect on the children.There'll be a social-worker, health visitor and possibly a teacher from the children's class/school. A mediator is usually present as well.

Whether there'll be a conclusion to the problems remains to be seen but my guess is that there could well be further meetings to check how things are going and if any changes have been made regarding the behaviour of the children, school attendance etc.

It is good that any problems are being taken seriously and a solution sought.

You are obviously very caring and are seen as integral but it is not your responsibility.

It must be a scary prospect and it will be emotional but hopefully will help to move things forward.

Hildegard that is a really difficult problem to deal with. I have known people like that in the past and any discussion of moving on and getting out of holes, is governed by the belief, that it wasn't their fault in the first place, so why should they do anything.

A friend who had recently had a baby, was invited to family mediation with her partner, his ex and their 2 teenage children who were very unruly at the time and hated their dad's new partner.
My friend, the new partner, said the sessions were awful for her (very emotional and shouty) and it emerged that the teenagers were jealous and wanted to spend more time with their dad. He was out at work all day so she, the stepmother, had 2 sullen teenagers and a baby to look after! She was not impressed.
The couple are no longer together and he married someone else and fathered more children!

Meanwhile, my friend branched out on her own taking their DC with her. DC is now an adult and all seems well .

I hope you know what you're letting yourself in for!

DoraMarr unfortunately that is the problem, she blames everyone else for everything wrong in her life.

You sound like a very caring and supportive mother and grandmother. I have been to such meetings as a teacher, and have found them very useful, and my daughter is a social worker who works very hard to prepare before them. Sometimes what professionals have to say can be challenging, but if your daughter goes with the right frame of mind she will be helped.

Sara65 Social worker

I think the greatest gift a a parent can have is the ability to stand back from their children and admit that they have problems or are not what we would want them to be. Hildagard is remarkable for being able to do it.

I wish more of those posting about family difficulties had that gift.

Hildegard

Whose idea is it?

Be very careful , once you’ve said something, however well meaning, you can never unsay it.

On most occasions, I tend to think, least said, soonest mended, is the way to go.

Précis of problem DD puts her needs before those of her children, she is a bully. I divorced her violent father when she was 13 and she though witnessing violence took his side, she is very much like him in many respects . She has had many boyfriends, the children have different fathers. GS has no contact with his father, GD sees her father regularly.GS is refusing to go to school, wash and generally disobeys everything his mother says.

No personal experience Hildagard but wanted to wish you luck.

That’s a bit harsh Jenty61.
Thankyou cornergran. It’s very difficult as I do not have a good relationship with DD, but continue to see her for the GCs

I’ve had some experience of supporting people who have been to Family Group Meetings, not attended any myself. They can be emotional, so please be prepared for that and yes the advice you’ve been given about not being pressurised is exactly right. It’s hard not to step in an rescue in these situations when you love the children and their parents, no matter what you might think about their behaviour. Just go with an open mind, I heard more positive reports than negative ones. Wishing you all well.

Gosh Hilda, It sounds a difficult and stressful situation for all. I hope you are getting good support yourself. Are you able to outline some of what is going on? Maybe other people can offer ideas?

I think its nice that you have been asked to attend the family group meeting. Bit harsh saying the problem lies with DD, after all we all learn from our own parents!