Just when I thought she wasn't going to say it!

I like to tell people i was a teacher in Liverpool, and the recite the story of the little boy who asked me - 'How do you get a budgie to speak?' I was tkemn in by his innocent look and tried to tell him to talk to it and pronounce the words clearly. He shook his head, smiled and said, 'No sir. You put it on a No.59 bus.'
Remember when the Airport was called Speke Airport.

Obviously, as her sister is in a posh profession, her cat brings in posh birds!

T.Y.V.M.................Thank You Very Much !!

Ameliarose - GFC ?

annsixty - F.R.I.C.S ?

Explain, please - T.Y.V.M. !!

A colleague of mine (she's in her 30s) always tells people about her foreign holidays - when asked, she said Benidorm and Turkey. I've nothing against those places (although I wouldn't choose either), but it's hardly the globe-trotting she tells everyone she's doing.

Her husband got a brand-new car last week, and she posted photos onto Facebook of him standing next to it, with the salesman handing the keys to him. Very nice, but she doesn't tell anyone (except me) that it's a company car, which her husband's work pays for.

I really cannot stand the shallow, oneupmanship that some people enter into. I couldn't give a monkey's about possessions.

Just a silly woman Phoenix. Her husband would have been embarrassed. No one was impressed.

annep1 the sheer cheek of the woman "Doctor Laurence"!! I bet her husband wouldn't have insisted on being addressed that way!

Yes good post. Many laughs thanks.

A friend who was in a very senior position in a large organisation, interviewed a job applicant who was a retired army officer and insisted on being addressed as "Major Smith". In reply my friend, who had done National Service, introduced himself as "Private Jones"

Such a fun post with lots of laughs.

I remember as a child my parents going to some fancy dress charity do. One of their friends was wearing a badge which had his name followed by IBA. ISA. IC. Much puzzlement until they remembered that he worked for a well known vacuum cleaner firm with the slogan ‘It beats as it sweeps as it cleans’

This post is such a hoot. Thank you all.
My contribution. A friend was at a pretentious party where guests were talking about their holiday destinations and one or two were going to "KL this year. Absolutely fabulous!" If like me, you wonder where KL is it's Kuala Lumpur. My friend said she was going to CP and received some sage nods. Later someone sidled up to her to ask where CP was, and she told them. Centre Parks.

I realise it was on another thread where I said about our back story.

An international singer told us that a woman said to his mother 'I bet you are proud of your son's she replied 'im proud of all my children's so it should be

That reminds me of a similar dinner party putdown.
As I stated upthread my H and I escaped our upbringing by hard work and eventually became a F.R.I.C.S.
We were invited by a colleague of his for dinner and another guest asked my H what he did.
We both hated this as they usually wanted to show off how important they were.
My H just said oh I work with P ( the host) I look after all the land and property.
Rather like a rent collector said the other man, something like that my H replied.
P looked mortified but kept quiet, I often wondered if he said anything after we left.

A little side track here but DH and I moved into an "up market" village and were invited to a party (the host was trying to raise money for some project or other). I come from a working class background and DH left school at 15 but through hardwork we did quite well for ourselves.

DH was chatting to a neighbour who was keen on classical music when the host appeared, laughed and said it was a waste of time discussing music with him. Now DH actually had a love of classical music and started discussing with the neighbour the merits of various composers - host totally baffled beat a hasty retreat!

BrandyB You are a woman after my own heart.

I used to have a brother who was a millionaire, sadly not anymore after GFC ,not that it did me anygood

My SiL was in a bus queue, many years ago now and when the bus came a man pushed to the front.
Several people said, there is a queue you know, wait yout turn.
He turned on the queue and said but I'm a Rabbi.
A wit shouted , J dont care if you are B....y Popeye, get to the back of the queue.
This story may be apocryphal but she always insisted it happened.

I have two friends named Diane, one I call the crazy one ,and everyone knows which one

Nursing in a 6 bedded bay a patient called me over and asked me if he could have one od those "private" rooms.I explained that this was a NHS hospital and these side rooms were for very poorly patients and their families.
He raised himsel up, glared at me and said angrily "But I am a vicar"
Needless to say he remained in the bay.

Maybe when she says this you could laugh and say, "She lives in a mansion and has room for a pony!", smile and see her response.
I don't think it's too cruel and she might see the joke.

A friend whose husband had just achieved a PhD was at one of our parties. Someone asked how Laurence was and she corrected her- Doctor Laurence . Needless to say some of us had to leave the room.

Mr P actually does have letters after his name, but on one version of his CV, in addition to his usual ones, put "BPBH".

He was never asked what they stood for, until one interview, which had been arranged by a particularly useless agency who had no idea of what type of engineer he was.

When it was obvious that the interview was going nowhere, the chap said "I must ask you, I'm familiar with most of your qualifications, but what exactly is BPBH?"

Mr P felt obliged to admit that it stood for "Blue Peter Badge Holder"

gillybob that's hilarious
and muffin
and everyone

This thread is a hoot

My hairdresser has a room for her hamster.
We had a room for the hamster - we called it the utility room so that we could shove the washing machine in there as well. The hamster said she didn't mind sharing.

Apologies Ellan for attributing your clever 'line' to Phoenix and thanks Phoenix for pointing that out. ?