Do you ever wonder why people’s lives are so different?

Urmstongran

It’s strange to remember how different things were. My parents were bitterly ashamed of me when I had baby, without marrying her father. To be honest, I don’t think they ever forgave me

Oh gillybob isn’t it so good that nowadays (western values) there is no shame being a single mum?

Coercion was never a good concept for a long marriage was it?

‘What will the neighbours think’ etc..

They do say ‘opposites attract’.

I think there’s something in that actually.

Erm well the first one wasn’t exactly a proposal it was more like my dad holding his arm so far up his back he daren’t say no! I was 18 and had just given birth . The “marriage” (such as it was) lasted a couple of months . Stupid really wasn’t it ? As the shame I brought by having a baby, was ten times worse by having a baby, being “persuaded” into getting married and then divorced in less than a year !

gillybob
It's probably just one of those things.
To have had 3 proposals and 3 marriages and your last husband accepting your 2 children, surely shows that you're an attractive worthwhile person.
Having things in common doesn't really count for much in the great scheme of things.

Yes Glammy
??

You nailed it.

Glammy57
Very well put. ??

I always said it was a kind of fate that I met my DH . I was twice married, (once divorced, once widowed) with 2 small children . There’s an 11 year age gap . We had nothing in common whatsoever . There were so many things stacked against us that we really should never have met at all . Fate? Coincidence ? I’m not sure .

I can never understand why some people say that 'So and so didn't 'deserve' it', whether that be bad luck, being robbed, dying or being diagnosed with a terminal illness.
Who actually would deserve any of those events?

I am guilty of saying “in my next life I will xxXxx” ( usually holidays , visits, nice things) it drives DH nuts , but without sounding sorry for myself ( I’m not) those things are sure as hell not going to happen in this one .

I dare say that’s why religion is seductive.

Shit life here? Never mind.
There’s always the ‘afterlife’.

And why not, for believers?

We are all only here for a visit.
And some visits are beyond tragic.

It must be nice to believe better (even Stephens) when we die.

I think Catholics regard this life as a ‘vale of tears’.

But you have to wonder why, don’t you gillybob, is it just fate? Are we powerless to change things? Surely, we’re all given choices, all through our lives, and we may or may not take the right one. Trouble is, you don’t know till it’s too late.

I think also, personality plays a big part, some people will see a disaster, others will see a challenge.

I do think that some people have more than their fair share of trouble, and others seem untouched by it, why? I don’t suppose we will ever know for sure

Yes gilly it is a silly term. There are people who go through great adversity, terrible childhoods etc and go on to great things which is fantastic. Unfortunately not everyone is equipped to do so. My hand has been rubbish too and every day is a struggle. Still we are still here so maybe we're doing OK

I think, at our age, most of us have had some ‘bad luck’. Our clip round the ear was financial. Lost £100k at the time of the recession.

Yet, when I look on here and hear about such sad tales of life, regarding health issues, death of dear ones and families who are estranged, I feel truly blessed.
x

I agree with you KatyK . Actually the term “make your own luck” is really silly isn’t it? As you say it’s as though your poor nephew who sadly died at only 16 didn’t try hard enough.

I think you can only really “make luck” using the hand you have been dealt . Which for some ( not me) is pretty rubbish.

We can only make our own luck to a certain extent. Circumstances can sometimes prevent us from 'getting on'. If you are constantly made to feel that you don't matter a child, it can stay with you for life. Some are able to rise above it, some aren't. I don't believe my nephew who died at 16 made his own luck.

I agree with Anniebach and Jennifer Eccles. Everyone has experienced some sadness/tragedy in their life - we all have a page which we don’t read out loud. It is not about what happens to us in life but how we deal with it!

I imagine all of us know folk who are a lot worse off than we are, who have suffered illnesses, bereavement and various misfortunes. I don't think you have to be religious to count your blessings. If you do you will be less likely to be seen as a grumpy complainer.

I don't think it is the case that you get back what you put in.
I have a friend who does seem to have a charmed life.
Nothing terrible has ever happened to her and she has had a trust fund all her life. She is very healthy and has a active fulfilling life.

But she hasn't made it happen. Her life was engineered this way by having a wealthy family.
She has no idea of what it is like to do a normal job. She has never had a boss or had to commute.

I think life is random and people most definitely do not to get what they deserve.......it is just random

I completely agree that you have to get on and deal with whatever comes your way

Monica’s story about her sister, is one of those horrible ‘what if’ situations, that would drive you mad if you thought about it too much, so much of life is chance, and maybe those people, whose lives look so perfect from the outside, aren’t!

I still think though, that for some reason, some families, have more than their share of tragedy

Well, I think that proves my point☹️

Surely we make our own luck in life regardless of our background ?

Yes some are undoubtedly helped by having grown up in an affluent household and having been privately educated, say, but ultimately it is up to each and every one of us to improve our 'lot in life' if we wish.

Today there are so many opportunities to gain qualifications even later on in life if we are not happy with our jobs.

The trouble is, too many would prefer to live their lives embittered by jealousy and resentment of other folk who through their own efforts, lead comfortable lives.

My husband and I were talking about this a few weeks ago and saying that we had been lucky in our lives and with our family that there had been no major tragedies or health issues.

How things change. I am now waiting for a cancer diagnosis for my daughter. Nobody gets away scot free, but it seems so unfair that some people suffer so much.

Life is unfair but we have to make the best of things. Also, optimists don't dwell on the bad bits or take them too seriously - whereas a worrier may take things to heart and feel that they've been unlucky.
It's not necessarily what you've got but what you do with it that counts. Euphemism unintended!

That's awful petra My brother has picked himself up and got on with his life. He is upbeat too. I have no idea how.