Do you ever wonder why people’s lives are so different?

I used to think a good education along with a good work ethic would see you through life by enabling you to have a decent income thereby being able to provide housing, food etc for self and family. I had to change my philosophy 20 years ago when DH who ticked all the boxes developed cancer. Fortunately surgery etc gave a good outcome. Then 10 years later a different cancer, again with favourable outcome only to return 3 years later. Now being maintained. Then last year DD, very good education and work ethic again, highly regarded within her career area, developed a vicious type of breast cancer usually thought to be inherited but no trace in family. After treatment DD died two months ago. Life is just a huge lottery, there is nothing you can actually control. Those who gave nothing and then make it big are lucky and those who have everything and end up with nothing perhaps make bad choices but again it is down to luck.

We are given what we we are strong enough to deal with. We are here to learn and teach...help others learn.

That’s so true Bradfordlass

There is only one answer to, 'Why me?'

'Why not?'

I often wonder why lives are so different. I live in a pleasant leafy suburb, comfortable but not affluent. However, within a very short distance is a very poor area. The few people on the streets look dismal and defeated. It makes me feel uncomfortable and guilty. Why am I in the comfortable bit and they aren’t? Have they made any efforts to further themselves via education? Are they just unlucky? Do they just accept their lot in life without trying to improve it? I wonder all these things.

In some ways my life has been hard, because my husband died at the age of 40. My children were 9 and 6. Because of my husband’s forethought and a decent job, there was insurance and a pension which meant I had enough money. I have a loving and stable family and the children have grown into successful adults. In fact, my life has not been all that hard and I count myself lucky.

Difficult lives seem to be caused mainly by lack of enough money, bad health and unstable relationships. I just don't know the answer.

Well, it’s true Maw, but sadly some people are dealt such awful hands, that you wonder how they ever cope

Somebody may have said this already and if so I apologise for stating the obvious
It’s not the “hand you are dealt”, but how you play your cards.

I have never felt the "Why me?" sentiment. Life is basically unfair - so why not me?

Currently caring for very sick OH - never asked why this fell to our lot - I suppose as a SW on a trauma service I was used to calamities befalling perfectly decent people.

It is a struggle (and I have bad days of feeling down) , but we have a lovely home with lovely views and a loving family.

“Nothing captures the biological argument better than the famous New Age slogan: ‘Happiness begins within.’

Money, social status, plastic surgery, beautiful houses, powerful positions – none of these will bring you happiness.

Lasting happiness comes only from serotonin, dopamine and oxytocin.” – Yuval Noah Harari

Absent

You are right !

No matter how successful, how rich, how happy, you are there are things that you have no power over.

So is that fate I wonder? Is there nothing that could have prevented it? Or is it wrong time wrong place, and slightly different actions could have changed the outcome?

Life is full of entropy or would that be Brownian motion? We do particular things to set other particular things in motion to make our lives richer, brighter and more fulfilling – and why not. It is wise to take your life by the scruff and try to make it work well for you and for your family and the people you love. But we cannot accommodate in our plans the ice on the motorway, the blood vessel that just blocks, the stillborn baby, the bankrupt company, the aggressive mugger, the failed insurance company, never mind the drought, the secret police, the lack of vaccinations – it does depend on where you live.

It does appear that some families get dealt a raw deal while others walk on the sunny side of the street- But I also think that some families are well practiced at maintaining a facade- What people leave this world alive without suffering?

I was just reading an article today about people presenting "perfect lives" in real life as well as online, and the psychological impact it is having on society as a whole-

Thanks, GabriellaG and Urmstongran. Actually, I probably have a whole chapter.... ?

Gillybob

I bet you’re loving it!

Hmm, one of my brothers had the unenviable job of telling mum and his g/f's staunchly Catholic Scottish parents (she was an only child too) that she was pregnant.
All heck broke loose.
They were 17.
Church ceremony, bride in suit.
Back to work on the Monday for both of them.
Now, 59 years and 3 children later both are company directors with a comfortable lifestyle.
Some things do work out.

On the positive side if I hadn’t had my son I wouldn’t have those three gorgeous little people (who are driving me mad as they are carrying on and won’t go to bed ) .

Some people really don;t deserve what life throws at them
A friend of my sons had a friend who had a very bad motorcycle accident, lost his spleen, several broken bones, and on a life support mschine for a long time
While he was ib hospital his mum was having a baby a longed for baby daughter, while on the way home they had a car crash, the dad and baby were both killed, after that the mother went out of her mind, she used to sit and stre out of the window where the church her husband and baby were buried,and talk to them as if they were there in real life
The poor woman eventually got cancer and just gave up
All the small town i lived in could not believe that one family could have so much tragedy and in such a short time
My life hasnt been a bed of roses but i have 4 children, grown up now of course all four have health problems, but not to the extent they cant work or live a normal life, but i am so thankful none of them have ended up like a lot of their friends as drug addicts, or caused trouble for me
I can be proud of them at least
I don;t believe we all make our own luck either,some people can work hard all their lives and still be at the bottom of the pile
Some are very nice and good people, but i think what they were born into has a lasting effect on their lives

Sorry! Don’t know how that happened.

Oh gillybob such an emotional rollercoaster for you.

But you are right. Things ARE better nowadays.

Such a rollercoaster of emotions for you too gillybob

But you’re right. Things ARE better now.

Likewise Gillybob

Thankfully young girls no longer have to deal with it

Sara65 ?

At our age it seems only a blink away. My good friend from a staunch Catholic family had a boy ‘out of wedlock’ (even the language has changed SO much) in 1971. It was so shocking then.

She and I were 17y.

Seems like yesterday to me.

Thankfully things have changed for the better Urmstongran . To be fair my parents were very old fashioned considering I had my son in 1980 . It was a very lonely life .

If was a long time ago Urmstongran, but Thankyou for your kind understanding

Oh Sara65 that’s so sad to hear.
Times change.
But very upsetting for those who had to bear the whispers and nudges at the time.

The young today wouldn’t believe it.