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Need to vent.

(61 Posts)
Bopeep14 Wed 05-Jun-19 09:14:10

Husband is on annual leave this week, my children organise there annual leave around him so i have no one to look after while he is at home.
We agreed we would get on with some home improvements this week while he is off.
So far we have done absolutely nothing, he stays up late every night until 3am rarely gets up until lunch time.
He does have a stressful job and I realise he needs downtime but we agreed and he promised he would at least start the jobs if not finish them.
We have been living with no wallpaper in the hallway for 5 years I got my hopes up it would get done, silly me.
We got invited to go away with friends in a caravan this week but we said no we have jobs to do at home, wish we had gone now.
Oh how I wish I could do it myself.

kazziecookie Wed 05-Jun-19 10:36:02

I am not sure if you have problems physically doing the wallpapering, but I always do it in our house (and we have a four storey Victorian town house) as DH not very good at it.
I taught myself after I was left on my own when my previous husband divorced me (left me for my friend over 21 years ago)
I couldn’t stand looking at Ex’s handy work so took great pleasure in ripping it all off and doing it to my taste.

inishowen Wed 05-Jun-19 10:38:54

I would pay a decorator to do the wallpapering. Life is too short. Your husband probably needs to chill out this week.

lizzypopbottle Wed 05-Jun-19 10:40:18

I'm widowed these eleven years. My husband always took on any decorating jobs and made a proper song and dance about wallpapering, ripping whole lengths off in temper if the job wasn't going well! ? I papered the end wall of my kitchen diner last Halloween night. It was the first wallpapering I'd done for more than thirty years. It went well, even round the window and the kitchen cupboards. My point is, wallpapering isn't so hard especially if you get paste-the-wall paper.

However, if you're not confident or fit enough to tackle it, can you get the stuff out, set it up and start measuring the wall? He might take the hint! Alternatively, you can enrol at your local technical college for their next beginners home decorating course.

gillybob Wed 05-Jun-19 10:48:48

On a lighter note …

Many years ago my dad (short tempered and a miserable old b*gg*r ) wallpapered the toilet that my mum had really wanted tiled. He was grumbling and grousing the whole time and when he had finished he said "there its bl**dy well done....you happy now?"

We all trouped upstairs to see it and low and behold he had put it all on upside down ! My mum, ever the peace keeper told us not to mention it as it would "push him over the edge" so we didn't, we just smiled knowingly.

A few days later my son (who would have been about 9-10 at the time) went to use the toilet and came down stairs saying loudly "grandad, I think all the wallpaper in the toilet is upside down" shock We all just stopped in our tracks and held our breath, you could hear a pin drop !

If he would have just left it there it might've been okay but he proceeded to take my dad by the hand and led him upstairs to see for himself ! 2 days later he ripped it all off in temper and my mum got her tiles .

Daisymae Wed 05-Jun-19 10:56:44

Call someone in to do it. Seriously 5 years?

Jaycee5 Wed 05-Jun-19 10:58:05

If your husband has a stressful job and seems to have trouble getting to sleep, surely he deserves a decent break. It takes more than a few days to unwind and is going to be more difficult when you have a job ready for him to do as soon as he has relaxed.
He has left it for 5 years but so have you. Unless you are in a flat, stairways are difficult because of height of the stairs and it is the one area that justifies a decorator.
Not all men like or are good at DIY. Having done a job myself that was very difficult to switch off from, he has my sympathy. Find another solution and help him relax.

MiniMoon Wed 05-Jun-19 11:02:59

I absolutely hate wallpapering, although I can do it. My husband is hopeless at it! We always have to get a professional into do the job for us. I wouldn't put up with living for 5 years with a n unpapered wall.
Hire someone to do it.

Gonegirl Wed 05-Jun-19 11:07:20

Your son did good there gillybob. grin

Poppyann1 Wed 05-Jun-19 11:22:16

I'd get a couple of quotes, I've not asked my husband to decorate for 25 years,he gets to stressed,takes ages,more so in preparation,I can't be doing with the hassle of it all.

Kerenhappuch Wed 05-Jun-19 11:48:34

My husband used to decorate, but he is really bad at it - jagged lines where he's cut the top of the wallpaper, generally not prepping very well, wallpaper peeling off etc. In fact, the only wallpaper he managed to stick firmly to the wall was woodchip, which is still haunting us in parts of the house?

When I was able to, I used to start jobs because I was fed up of waiting and we couldn't afford decorators, but he'd take over without asking and mess it up.

I now have chronic fatigue, so my plan is to get some quotes for decorating the really bad bits as we finally have a bit of disposable income.

Legs55 Wed 05-Jun-19 12:30:24

I wallpapered my DD's small bedroom when I was a single parent but wouldn't do it now as I can't climb steps due to problems with my balance.

My ex was terrible at putting off jobs but if I started it would spur him into action. I could & did emulsion walls, my ex was away overnight with his job one night each week, he came home & I had emulsioned two rooms & I had a toddler at homehmm

My DH was a perfectionist who needed a gentle shove kick up the @rse to get started, he wallpapered, did all the gloss paint but I was allowed to emulsion after he'd done the edges .

Now widowed I need to decorate my home, it was newly painted when I moved in 4 years ago. I am only going to emulsion the walls & hopefully if DiL is well enough she will help me. DD as her hands full with DGS2grin

I would not have put up with a hallway undecorated for 5 years, do it yourself, nag H or get the Professionals in. My DF was a Painter & Decorator but our house was always the last place to be doneconfused

Blinko Wed 05-Jun-19 13:10:39

Great tactic, Henetha. Gillybob what a fabulous story! grin

Franbern Wed 05-Jun-19 13:21:20

This was not me boasting. Statement of fact and matter of necessity. Started off doing the decorating when hubbie became disabled. He talked me thru the first wall papering effort.
As time went on, and we were existing on benefits, there was no spare money for decorators, so I just got books from the library and taught myself. Made a few errors, but quickly learned from them.
It is only in recent years with mobility problems that I have stopped being able to do the decorating.
For the first time in my life I had a decorator to paint the landing and hallway in my house ready to put on the market.
It just annoyed me that the poster was complaining that her hubbie dared to use his weeks holiday time to......relax!! How dare he, and if he is in a good job, then why not get professionals in to do the wallpapering.
But if she is reasonably fit and healthy do it herself. Found putting up wallpaper one of the easiest decorating jobs, as it very quickly takes up so much of the wall space.
Only jobs involving, electricity, gas and plumbing I would not do myself.

Millie22 Wed 05-Jun-19 13:31:44

My usual ploy to get things done is to start the job myself usually watched over and deliberately do it wrong and he then takes over. Excellent plan!

grandtanteJE65 Wed 05-Jun-19 14:56:55

If like me you are nervous about standing on ladders, buy a home scaffolding. I did so, and it makes the world of difference to painting and decorating.

Like you, I would wait to doomsday if I waited for DH to get round to it. Like henetha's husband usually mine comes and joins in, if I start things myself.

If for health reasons you cannot decorate, then getting a quotation might be a good idea.

In your place, I would be less bothered by the fact that the work isn't getting done this week, than by the fact that your husband said he would do it and has not explained why he isn't doing it.

My guess is he is too tired and promised to do the work because he felt you were nagging. Don't please misunderstand me, I am sure you didn't nag, but a husband who doesn't want to do something feels we are nagging!

I would sit down and tell him that you feel it is too much for him to be using his holiday on home improvements, so you have rung three firms for quotations or that you are going to start it yourself next week when he is back at work.

FC61 Wed 05-Jun-19 15:25:39

My DH is a bit the same. The thing thats worked the best is being really nice to him. I tell him he needs to relax , never mind the wall paper, bring him cups of coffee , cook nice dinners lunches , do nice things for myself in the morning , ask him if he’s ok , smile , after couple of days he feels bad and does it. If that didn’t work I’d pay someone to do it while he’s at work but pick the paper I liked lol.

Coconut Wed 05-Jun-19 15:27:03

My 2nd husband was allegedly a builder/decorator and after living in a house with numerous half finished “projects” I vowed that I would never do it again. It does sound as if this is dragging you down a bit, so some plain speaking is needed with him, and if you cannot do the DIY yourself, get someone in.... life is too short !

Boosgran Wed 05-Jun-19 15:37:51

Mmmmm....maybe not everyone’s as clever as you are Franbern..

Bopeep14 Wed 05-Jun-19 15:45:49

Thanks for all your comments. Just needed to vent about it. There is no way I could ever afford to get someone in to do it. Can I just add I do all the painting of woodwork I just don’t do ceilings and don’t wallpaper. I painted the woodwork 5 years ago but obviously will need doing again.
I have a stressful job too I look after grandchild 6 days a week so it’s not just him who’s off work this week.

Pat1949 Wed 05-Jun-19 15:52:17

I've always done the decorating and most of the DIY and gardening. I hadn't really a clue to start off with, but my husband was self employed and worked extremely long hours so rather than wait for him to have the time to do anything I decided to do it myself. I began to enjoy it and can honestly say DIY is my hobby, which is just as well as he was injured in a road accident. As for Franbern 'boasting' about being able to do the DIY, that's no more boasting, ditzyme, than you 'boasting' about being able to afford to pay for it.

HildaW Wed 05-Jun-19 15:54:22

I think the 5 years is a clue....he just not that into it and never likely to be, people do not really change! Get a couple of quotes for the job.....ask him which one to choose and then just go for it. Or, as others said, do it yourself you never know you might enjoy it.

loopyloo Wed 05-Jun-19 16:43:42

Cant you just paint the walls?

Tillybelle Wed 05-Jun-19 16:47:13

Bopeep14 He's not depressed is he?

That said, my late husband never did anything and made our lives very miserable. The first few years were reasonably ok then he just got worse until he did nothing. After a while of misery I realised there was only one way forward. When I was able-bodied I just did all the decorating myself. He didn't even wash a paintbrush.

Tillybelle Wed 05-Jun-19 16:49:52

I should add, by never doing anything he didn't pay for any of the materials or tools either. He never gave me a penny so I had to work for everything I bought.

Tillybelle Wed 05-Jun-19 17:10:40

Oh gillybob! That's gorgeous! "Out of the mouths of babes " aye?

Bopeep14. I completely understand your need to vent. I can also imagine how it has lasted 5years while he said he would do it. People who have not experienced this might find it hard to imagine. My late husband had complete control over us - the children and me. What we ate, where we went, who we saw etc. If he could control our thoughts he would. As for the house? It was his! If it was in bad repair and I dared ask if it might get sorted out, he would say he was going to do it. He was always angry but denied he was angry yet we were scared of him.
When I eventually came home with paint and brushes and began to paint the hall, my middle daughter helping, he sat in the front room and seemed to be furious but said nothing. We were both scared and in that "silly" mood you get when you are frightened, singing and making jokes to keep ourselves going. He did not say a single word about our decorating. It made a world of a difference to the whole house as the hallway and stairs had been painted brown!
But some men cast an atmosphere that can hold up progress for a long time.......