Not saying ‘no’ to children.

monica I do agree. Of course I used the word no, but not as a matter of course or first choice if the situation allowed for my offspring doing what I wanted without confrontation. Calm and peace doth reign??Always preferable.

A lot of fuss about nothing, 'no' is just one of many words we use to children in hundred's of different situations among hundredsof different words.

If 'no' is the only or main word used by a parent there is a problem well beyond the use of the word.

But look at it this way, we have a constant dribble of posts from parents who have always said 'yes' to their children and never said 'no' and most of them of have really big problems with their selfish, self centred cuckoos who live off them and will not leave the nest.

Everything in proportion.

You simply can’t generalise. It depends on the age of the child and whether you want to avoid an argument which means that you will use different and cleverer tactics. It pays to be one step ahead. I’m not an authoritarian by nature so constant use of the word no was not my choice .

With consistency on the adult’s part ( e.g. when the child does get a biscuit after dinner), they’ll learn to trust you

I am sorry but I do think this thread could easily turn into a load of b****cks.

Children tend to trust adults whatever...even abused ones look to their adult as their guide if that's all they know.

My children trusted a loving, caring mother who told them 'no' frequently. To this day they trust me.

Please spare us the 'parents are unknowing ogres' advice because they use the word 'no' to their children.

Most of us adore our offspring, love them dearly and want the very best for them. In my book, their knowing what 'no' meant at an early age was a positive learning experience.

Ooops, last sentence not needed.

Day6, a child would still get the message that the parent is in charge if , say, ‘ I want that toy’ is answered with something like, “ you could save up for it”, or, “ maybe Santa will bring one”.

You misunderstand me. I have I hope, parented with kindness and would use the examples you have mentioned.

But there are times when "No, not now" or "No. Don't do that" suffice. Haven't most of us used the 'no look' too - one that says "Do not defy me"?

Parents have to be in charge, like it or not.

I think the word 'no' also comes with children learning there are boundaries. And sometimes we do not need to launch into an explanatory reason for our "no" response.

Parents make the rules, (oh, dirty word) not only for the safety of their children, but also for their well being and their emotional growth.

When children are older they appreciate why 'no' means no - without any psychological damage being inflicted. I am a firm believer in that the foundations for right and wrong, goodness and compassion, etc, are taught and learnt at "a mother's knee."

"No" does not mean that children live in a draconian household always feeling thwarted and deprived, does it?

We can overthink these things.


I have gone through life not expecting an explanantion

What harm does ‘no’ do to child ?

Heh heh Eglantine

And you haven't felt the need to wash your mouth out with soap and water either, I bet.

Well done.

Day6, a child would still get the message that the parent is in charge if , say, ‘ I want that toy’ is answered with something like, “ you could save up for it”, or, “ maybe Santa will bring one”. I also think everybody knows that if the child is swinging an axe at the baby’s head, we won’t be stopping to phrase the instruction positively!
With consistency on the adult’s part ( e.g. when the child does get a biscuit after dinner), they’ll learn to trust you.

Oh, I just said “No” to a runaway 3/4 year old in Wilko who was systematically running his finger down and splitting the central plastic of every toilet roll on the shelf.

It just popped outof my mouth?

I can’t honestly see a problem, children need to know that they can’t have/do/eat everything they like. Unfortunately it’s a lesson they need to learn.

Why is "NO" a bad word to use?

A liberal construct?

Of course parents should try to encourage their children to see the rights and wrongs of situations for themselves but to learn at a young age that you cannot have everything go your way and there are restrictions is a good thing.

Later on when they have been lead to believe they can 'do anything they want' they might not be able to process that the world doesn't work like that, unfortunately.

A firm 'no' should be in every parents vocabulary. For one thing it would do away with the need for a thirty minute cajoling and philosophy session that follows (haven't we all witnessed it?) when poor little three year old Lucius-Fortnum-Mason cannot have every single thing that catches his eye in the supermarket.

You can tart 'no' up in any way you want, but children do need to know that their whims can be denied in the quick and firm negative response.

They won't be damaged for life. If anything, they'll be more resilient and realistic as they grow.

I agree it's definitely something to consider, though we don't always manage to.
What I dislike is when parents ask their children what they would like to do rather than telling them what activity or meal is planned.
I feel a small child doesn't have the experience to know what choice to make. That is an adult's job.

I agree , but I have a very strong willed grandson of 3. If he is about to do something dangerous and immediate then. "NO!!!!!" just slips out. I know it shouldn't but " Come on Sweetie you know that glass will break and cut you" isn't as instinctive.

A true story sadly.

I have to say - no is a seldom used word in my house! I do agree with positive reinforcement if possible. My lot (myself included) have rather opositional personalities! 'NO' has always been a challenge! I learnt to work around it.

Always try to say ‘yes’ unless of course it’s to keep them safe!