Mental health

How awful for you, what a situation to find yourself in.I am sure when your Husband is discharged there will be a care plan in place where you are an important part.You need support. which I know you will be given.
Sending hugs and best wishes to you and your Husband.

I am so sorry that your husband has been so depressed by his failing vision that he felt there was no hope. Not knowing which condition he has, I can suggest RNIB who will provide amazing support for anyone with sight loss regardless of condition, or if his condition is Macular Degeneration then the Macular Society has amazing support staff. Im a nurse and used to work for both of these organisations, my role was to identify people with sight loss in outpatients and step in very early to start them on the road to rehabilitation, making sure they had the right referrals. Unfortunately since the present government came into power, financial cuts in the NHS have seen these posts disappear and an increasing number of desperate people left without the support they so desperately need. Please phone either organisation and ask for their support desk. Best wishes and hope they provide the help you will both require.

I do sympathise with you so much. My husband has been admitted to different centres over the past thirty years after several attempts to kill himself. It is shattering but I remember one psychiatrist telling me that you cannot be constantly vigilant and watchful otherwise you will peg out with stress. You can do your best that is all and support as much as possible. I found it was imperative to highlight to him that he had to return or let me know where he was or if he was going to be late as the anxiety of not knowing his whereabouts or what was happening made me feel ill. You have to cultivate a tiny area which is detached from what is going on. You need to escape into your own world when you need a break. I used to walk my dogs for hours! good luck and do keep in touch

MIND are good listeners and helpers ,and there will be a councillor there to help look after him.treat him just like you would as when he was before ,he is your husband .you are the one who knows him best.let his councillor do the worrying.......always samaritans too.

hopefully the crisis has been diverted , you need to ask for an appointment with his consultant on a one to one basis so you have an understanding of what care package will be in place . remember that your husband will be on medication when he comes home which will take any acute reactions away , most of all chat with your husband about what caused the build up to escalate into him trying to take his own life, communicate as much as you can with him and ask him how you can help him , listen to him because he will be as terrified as you about how he is going to cope again,you have to find mutual ground through communication and support each other you need it as much as he does , contact your GP before he is discharged he will give you access to the right support groups for you , take each day as it comes you will get there I wish you well

I’m so sorry about your husband’s illness and I can well imagine how helpless you feel. I’d contact Social Services for advice and support. BYW you might need to be quite forceful to get them to understand you need help. Best wishes.

you can't run other peoples live's - sorry -

Hi Blueteddybambi

I don't recognise the name, so if you are new to Gransnet, welcome (and if not I apologise that I have the memory of a goldfish!)

I have not been in your situation and agree with others that organisations such as the Samaritans if you need someone to listen, or MIND if you need advice are good starting points. It may also be worth searching online to see if there are any local support groups as it is so important that you get the support you need in order to help your husband. You should be able to speak to the consultant or senior nursing staff without your husband being present if you need to discuss how to care for him, warning signs, support systems, medication and possible side-effects and any fears or worries you may have.

Also, as his failing eyesight seems to have been a trigger for mental health issues, see if there are any agencies that offer advice and/or practical support that may help both of you to cope with this. Before he died a friend of mine went blind and found the RNIB helpful; he looked forward to audio newsletters and books etc and said he appreciated that I used to sit and read to him for a few hours a couple of times a week - sometimes just a few little things can make a difference. He also found a volunteer who helped him continue his love of art and painting (that I'm crap at or would've helped) - I must admit I was pleasantly surprised and even amazed at the quality of work he was able to produce without being able to see it himself. Music also helped (listening, and playing when he was able to).

Gransnet can be good for some moral support so please access the forums and let us help prop you up, virtually, as such. Maybe someone who has had a similar experience would be good to talk to, so perhaps consider Angeleyes58xx's offer to private message her. Wishing you and your husband well and hoping things get better for you both.

Some good advice here. The Samaritans might be able to put you in touch with someone to give you advice and support. This is too much for you on your own - do you have any family or friends who could help. Someone who could keep your DH company to give you a break - and also support your DH. He must have been in a bad place. Getting him out of the house - walking and talking might help him. Also get him help for his failing eyesight.

Your GP should be able to offer advice.

Such a worry for you -but don't forget all the good times. Talk about them with him - and one step at a time try to do things together. Hugs and good luck.

You can and should be able to make an appointment with your husband's GP and discuss the matter in confidence with him or her. The hospital he is in should also be able to discuss your worries in confidence with you.

Any priest or minister of religion probably knows how to help you and who to refer you to. Whether you are a believer or not should be quite beside the point when you need help. If there are any nuns in your area they too will listen to anything you tell them in confidence and probably have quite a lot of experience in dealing with the problem facing you right now.

I don't live in the UK so I can't help you with what you can expect from the social services, but others on here can, some already have.

I personally wouldn't ever consider suicide, but I can, and I am sure you too, can understand your husband's desperation at the thought of losing his sight.

Only you can judge whether you should tell him when he is well enough to come home how much his attempt to end his life has upset you, that you love him and don't want to lose him, whether he can see well or not. I'm sure he needs to be told this, but not when the right moment is for you to do so.

Do please continue "talking" to us here, if that helps and do try to find someone you can sit down with and discuss your fears with.

I so hope everything turns out well for you both.

An attempted suicide often is a cry for help rather than a deep felt desire to die, you know.

Blueteddybambi you have the right to heard in your own right as his NOK under the relevant part of the Mental Health Act. Ask your local MIND for advice and see your own GP and tell them you want a say about when he comes home as you are worried.
You will have to push to get taken into account and heard by his consultant, but do push.
If necessary ring CQC for advice, they regulate the application of the MHA in hospitals or contact and go and see your MP.

Blueteddybambi. Like Buckie,I was not in this situation with my late husband ( sudden death from ruptured aorta) ,but I did lose my younger daughter in this way, leaving two daughters ,then aged 4 and 2.(now 14 and 11).I can’t add on any more advice as I know others have ,hopefully ,helped you ,but I can understand your fears for your husband and for yourself. Sadly I was not aware just how depressed my daughter was ,as she lived 300 miles away, Her family still do. I do hope you will be able to get the help you require.to cope with the future .

Just refuse to take him home until a full care package is in place
I had to do this for my dad who was ill, and they took notice when I said that, after a previous hospital stay didn’t go well

As usual a lot of sound advice from other posters, so I will just add my best wishes for you both - such a stressful time and so full of anxiety, so I hope it calms down as soon as possible.

I am a mental health nurse on an acute ward (although off recovering from an operation atm). This is an awful, awful time for you as a family and you need support too. Ward staff should ALWAYS find time for family - if you find it difficult to speak to someone during visiting, ask when would be a good time to telephone for some support for you. He should have a named nurse responsible for care plans, ect ect, and from my perspective he/she will always make time for you. As previously posted, after discharge he will be allocated a community nurse (CPN), they are there for you too and maybe able to point you in the direction of local support groups. Out of hours the Crisis Team are always at the end of the phone. Please look after yourself, you are in an incredibly difficult position but hopefully you will see there is light at the end of the tunnel

Hospitals are not allowed to discharge ANYONE without a safe discharge plan. However, they often do try it on under pressure of numbers. You must be part of that safe discharge plan. Insist on seeing it and having a meeting with relevant staff. If you are not satisfied, contact your local PALS (Patient Advice and Liaison Service - a.k.a. Complaints) and tell them you are not satisfied his discharge plan is safe. If he has been in a psychiatric ward for 7 weeks, my guess is that he has been very unwell. Having said all that, I agree with Quickdraw that you are not responsible for him and you do not have to watch over him 24/7. He should not be let home if he needs that level of supervision. Good luck.

I would be approaching this by tackling the reason he attempted suicide in the first place - his failing eyesight.

Are you both absolutely sure you have explored every possible treatment for whatever his sight problem is?

Have you sought second/third opinions from other consultants, or is there any treatment which is possibly only available privately?

You haven't mentioned what the problem is, but have you checked to see if treatment might be available abroad?

I have read of so many cases where a medical condition previously written off by doctors as hopeless, has been successfully treated elsewhere.

Please keep in mind that you are his wife and obviously want to support him but ultimately you are not responsible for him. I only say this because the burden of feeling responsible for another adult can drag you down. Look after yourself as well as supporting your husband.

Blueteddybambi I cannot add anything to excellent advice you have been given but would like to add my best wishes to your dh and can only imagine the apprehension and worry you must be feeling about taking your dh home. He will most likely be on medication so making sure he takes that will be very important.

I attempted suicide twice while on medication that caused suicide as a side effect. I got no help in a hospital. Just more drugs and "Mindfulness" therapy. I finally turned to God and prayer in Christian Science. I was healed.

You may have something called MASH (Multi Agency Support Hub) in your locality. They are excellent and can usually find the right help for most problems. In my town they share the same offices as the District Council.

Thank you all for all your invaluable help and support I'm truly grateful xx

I hope this is a message of hope foryou. We had a family member who was in this situation. He was obviously younger than your husband and had a family. We couldn’t believe it as he had always been steady and well adjusted until severe pressures at work tipped him over the edge. He was fortunate to be found in time.
Just over a year later he is well, back at work and happy with his family. We all trusted the health care professionals - he found one in particular that he could trust. He went along with the treatment and we are glad to have him back with us.
I realise your DH is at a different stage in life but please have hope, gather round you family and friends, trust the help offered and take it a day at a time. God bless.

Hi, My heart goes out to you, I can remember when I was in the same situation a few years ago with my husband. It’s a very difficult time for both of you. Have you a family member to support you, I was so lucky I had the most fantastic support from my daughter. You should get a carers assessment. Look for local services, carers groups, I work for Rethink Mental Illness they have a wonderful web site with lots of information, I now work supporting people, I guess because what my husband went through. Try to be positive you will get through this, talking to other people who have had same experience helps. Thinking of you.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I don't have anything new to add to what advice others have given, but hugs anyway.